We can recover our ability to receive. Being able to receive pleasure, joy and even our "unpleasant" emotions and experience is an essential ability that can get dampened through traumatic experiences.
In many ways, receptivity is the catalyst for creativity and as we will explore a bit on today's podcast: clairvoyance.
After a traumatic encounter in her own home, Laurie Marie was disconnected from her body, her self, her joy and her pleasure. She shares her journey back to self and sensuality, her methods and tools that she uses and teaches her clients.
We talk about:
-working with fear and somatically releasing anxiety
-the importance of pleasure and getting in touch with your body sensations
-her creative process and how somatics helped unlock her flow
-the way her somatic self-love and practices helped heal her relationship to food
-how being grounded in her body allows her to express her psychic abilities with clarity
AND SO MUCH MORE!
Laurie Marie is trauma-informed sex, love and relationship coach who invites you to become epically free and unapologetically you!
She shares regularly on Tiktok @lauriemarieloves and you can connect with her on instagram @lauriemarieloves.
Check out her podcast, The Luminous Life with Laurie Marie and feel free to contact her through her website www.lauriemarie.com
LISTEN WHILE READING
Every day there is a forgetting and every moment there is the possibility of remembering. Remembering who you truly are, awakening to your body, to the inner world and experience of being alive. Here is where you find the beauty, the joy. Here is where you free your Soma. Hello everybody and welcome to Free Your Soma podcast, stories of somatic awakening and how to live from the inside out. My name is Amy Takaya and I have a wonderful guest with me today, Laurie Marie. She's an intuitive, trauma-informed somatic love, sex and relationship coach. She helps women come back to their bodies, intuition and power. They can become epically free and unapologetically themselves. Welcome Laurie Marie.
Thank you so much for having me Amy. It's a pleasure to be here.
Yes, we just met a few weeks ago and I could tell. I just had this way of telling when someone has a really powerful story inside themselves that they're living through, that they're bringing into the world. When you started telling me a little bit about what you do, I was like, oh wow, I really want to hear your story and I want to share your story because you've been through some things and you've come out the other end and you are doing really, really well with all the things that you've gone through and that's so inspiring and so exciting, especially when you have cultivated and begun using somatic tools to return to your body and we're going to talk about that today. So tell us a little bit about how you, I guess, whatever you feel comfortable with, how is it that you had to come back into your body? Where were you that you were not in your body and why? Right.
Okay. So this has been a journey of quite, it's been quite a journey. It's been quite a long journey but in my early 20s, I'm now in my 40s, but in my early 20s, I had experienced sexual trauma in my home and prior to that, I was pretty comfortable in my own skin. I wasn't very conscious to my body and what was happening in it or anything like that but I was pretty comfortable with who I was and my body and after I experienced sexual trauma, I gained 100 pounds over the course of a year. Now, now I know my body was just protecting me but at the time, I really felt like my body was against me and so I went on for the next 12, 13 years really hating myself, hating my body. The last thing I wanted to do was to be in my body like and it showed up in so many different ways and I ended up struggling with body dysmorphia and binge eating and yeah, I just had a real really difficult time with my body but I was also wrapped up in people pleasing and codependency and so when this happened, my son, he had seen what happened. He was six at the time and I did what I think any mother would naturally do which is to go get him help but I didn't give myself help and I didn't even consider myself in that equation and over the course of the next 12, 13 years, I really struggled and it wasn't until I was in the Dominican Republic with 60 strangers, I was kind of at my rock bottom and I ended up getting a cold sore and getting sunburn and so I was just kind of like really pressed and I just kind of had a breakdown and I was like okay, I'm not okay and then that kind of put me on my trajectory. That was in 2013 and that put me on this trajectory to really come home to myself and to start my healing journey and a lot of my journey was very head based at first, right? It was like a lot of mindset work, a lot of I got into therapy and those things helped on, you know, they helped on some level but it wasn't until I was able to really find somatic healing and somatic work that it really brought me back into my body on a really deep and integrated level and that's when things really started to like flourish for me and I was really able to like heal my trauma, reclaim my sexuality and just really come home to myself on this whole new level so that was kind of my journey to coming home to myself through somatic work.
Wow, yeah and you know having that experience that you had, you know, within your own home, with your child there, I'm sure there were all kinds of layers of different emotion that got totally wrapped up and convoluted in that experience where it probably didn't feel safe in your own home, meaning your own body, right? As many people who have sexual trauma don't feel that sense of safety but also maybe literally in your own home and in the relationships that were the ones closest to you. There probably was a lot of feeling of like not being safe, right? And not being like, like there was nowhere, nothing, you didn't know to trust, trust your environment, trust, you know, that everybody around you was safe and all of that kind of stuff.
Oh yeah, absolutely, like I didn't really feel safe anywhere to be honest because the one place, you know, you're supposed to feel the safest is in your own home and that got kind of, you know, shattered in the in those moments. And then I really struggled to feel safe around men in general for a very long time. And to the point where, you know, I just like, I was just very cautious of everyone. And really what happened, I think too, is it created this, yeah, like you said, it was like this multi layered experience of like not only trauma, but you know, there was like the binge eating, the body dysmorphia, like the self hatred, like fearing men, not feeling safe in my body or in my home or in my environment in general, right. And then it was also very deeply tied to money as well, which I hadn't realized, you know, until later on in my journey, but it was, it was just so multi layered that I've been on this journey now for the last 10 years. And so it, I really had a lot of, I like to call it like peeling back the layers of the onion, because there were so many layers to feeling safe again. Right.
And it's interesting that you bring up money and finances because, like in so many ways, that is our ability to receive, right. And when we're afraid, when we close off to life, when we close off to like taking in other people or taking in our environment, right, because something happened, it was not safe to experience, you know, other people in our environment, right. Like that also cuts us off to receiving pleasure, it cuts us off to receiving love from other people that are actually loving, and it cuts us off to receiving money too, which is in its own kind of frequency, a form of like, you know, nourishment from, from the world is like in the form of money, right. So that makes sense that you started to notice all those things were interconnected.
Yeah, yeah, receiving for me, you know, at first it would show up in little ways, like if someone wanted to buy me a coffee or like, gift me something, it'd be like, oh, no, no, no, it's okay, right. And then it kind of like, over time, I saw how like intricate and like interwoven it was to like everything, you know, from, yeah, from receiving love from a partner, or like I had a period of time where I really struggled to, you know, be seen in the bedroom, as well as like, then later in my business. And so it was really like, yeah, it was so like interwoven into everything that was my experience.
Yeah, that's yeah, and the somatic work with sensing into your body, can you describe because there's so much different kinds of somatic work out there, like what is it that you specifically practice, and then what is it that you guide other people through somatically speaking, like give us kind of an example?
Yeah, so, so for a year and a half, I went through this really integrated program for Love, Sex, and Relationship Coaching, and we did a lot of deep somatic work using pleasure as a tool to, to heal. And so not only heal, but also, you know, experience bliss and joy and epic orgasms and everything else. But it was really, really just becoming familiar with what's really happening in the body, like on a deep level, like what are the sensations. So it's a combination of like sensations, movement, breathwork, and really dropping in and being present with yourself, even to the degree of like, how do you be with yourself, right? Are you trying to rush yourself or like, make yourself be somewhere that you're not, you know, and it just really got me to see like, where I wasn't even being like, present with myself, and how, you know, how, how I could like, be kinder to myself, more gentle with myself, more loving and compact, I'm so sorry, being loving and compassionate with myself. And, and so it was really a process of just diving really deep into me and feeling energetically and sensationally what's really happening in my body. And through those practices and through those different experiences and techniques, I was able to really shed a lot, a lot of the deeper layers that I had not been able to tap into from a mind place of the mind. Right.
And it's, you know, it's interesting that you say through breath and through movement, would I mean, breathing is a form of movement, right? It is literally like, the air in and out of our bodies, the air that's like this other, and then our bodies that is us, and then we're making this exchange of receiving and giving, right, just through breathing. It's such a powerful thing. But like, if we try to do everything on like a mental level, we're like skipping over the things that are actually happening in our bodies right now. And when you start to make those connections in your body right now, you, that's actually how we build pathways from our brain into the rest of our being, into the rest of our body. Because if we're just stuck up here in our head, but we're not moving and we're not becoming aware and bringing our awareness to our breath and all that kind of stuff, like, it's, yeah, it is, it's like just being up in your head and living in your head, you know, or maybe living in your emotions, right. And so I'm sure there was a lot of like different emotional work that also came up as a result of this, because I know for me, like, first of all, I just have to say, like, I do resonate with pieces of your story, even though we didn't go into like the intricacies of it, I also have been through sexual trauma. And in my recovery process from that, I had to kind of realize that there was a period of time where I didn't know what felt good. I actually just didn't know, like, I had pain and pleasure kind of all mixed up together. And I didn't actually know. So it was like, it, you know, I could be having a sexual experience, and it would just be hurting. But that but the intensity and the fear and all the hormones that were running through my body, it just it felt like one big crazy experience, I couldn't really differentiate to be like, Oh, I like that, or I don't like that, it was just all like kind of a blur, right. And so the slowing down that you're talking about when I kind of imagine, okay, being with just myself, and sensing into my body, and I did, I did this work in like different ways than you're describing, but I feel like it was similar, you know, but like, that actually requires that we decide what feels good and what we want or what we don't want. Instead of just like kind of it all coming in as a blur, we get to start like differentiating and saying, Oh, I like that, Oh, I don't like that. Oh, that's too much. Oh, that's just right. Right. Yeah.
Well, and what was really interesting too, is through this work that I've done, there was also like a very left handed Tantra approach to it, which is that everything is welcome. And so I really got to understand that my numbness is okay, it's okay that it's there. My shame, it's okay that it's there, like it's really accepting all of it, right, accepting the pain, accepting the pleasure, accepting like all of me. And so that really helped me to like, go even deeper into self love, because, you know, so often I would kind of not want to look at, you know, those shadow aspects or, or feel like there's something wrong with me, because I'm feeling numb, or, or that I'm, that I'm not feeling, you know, at all, or, you know, I was trying to like sometimes make myself be further along than I was. And I love what you said too, when you brought up emotions, like that was a big part of my journey too, is like, for so much of my life, I would suppress my emotions. And what's really funny about that is I'm a Pisces, so I'm like super emotional. And, and I would suppress them, like most of my life, and just not want to feel them until they bubble up so big that they just burst. Well, through this work that I've done over the last 10 years, and especially the somatic work, I've come to embrace my emotions. So now I just let them flow freely and actually use them as fuel to propel me forward, right, I can sit with my anger, I can sit with my sadness, and I can actually like move the energy and alchemyze it to something that's actually like, not only pleasurable, but something I can use to propel me forward. And so it's really powerful to be able to like, work with emotions in that way. And one thing I forgot to mention too, expression is also a big part of the work that I do too, is like allowing yourself to be vocal, allowing yourself to, to be heard, and really following your natural like, primal instincts. And that was a big piece to my healing journey too, is healing the, my throat, right. I oftentimes wouldn't use my voice, I didn't want to speak up or speak out. And so being able to do that both in and out of the bedroom was really healing as well. And so there's just, yeah, so many layers to how a somatic work really has amplified my healing journey.
Yeah, incredible. I know what you mean about the throat thing, because, you know, it was, I think it was like, what, 2016? I experienced, I don't know if you've ever experienced this, it was really great. And whenever like, I teach yoga, because I, my former life, I was a yoga teacher, I like to do this in yoga now, because it's so wonderful way to bring in a little somatic element. But there's this thing called Brahma Mari, which is like the honey bee breath, where you place your tongue on the top of the roof of your mouth and you hum, like in buzz, like a bee. And I was in this yoga class in India, they had us doing this in different yoga poses to feel the vibration. And the first time that I did it, it was so uncomfortable, because I came from a yoga lineage that was like, you weren't saying anything, you weren't opening your mouth, like you were quiet the whole time, right. So making sound like while I was in a yoga pose, it felt so weird. And I heard myself and I was like, Oh my God, I sound like a dying cat, like I sound so sad. Like it was like my, my, my, the tone that was coming out of me was sorrowful, it was like a, it was like a croak or something, you know. And like, I think that sometimes, you know, we have to get through those layers of what needs to be expressed. And sometimes it doesn't sound pretty, it doesn't sound like what we want it to sound like, or what we think it should sound like, you know, like you might have some kind of like scary orgasm noise. Like that doesn't sound like what you see in pornography or something, it sounds kind of uglier, sort of scary, you know, but it's like part of what needs to be like expressed at that moment. And it's part of allowing those like sounds to arise is part of allowing all of our natural, like you said, primal instincts and primal awareness to arise as well, you know. Yeah. When we're always trying to make ourselves sound a certain way or being really careful and holding back and, you know, that's part of like a fear response. That's part of this buying into the environment, not being safe for me. Right.
Absolutely. Yeah. And I think, I think expression and being able to vocalize it is so, so healing and so important to really reclaiming ourselves too, because so often, especially as women, we're kind of told to stay quiet, be the good girl, don't make too much noise, don't definitely don't be angry, you know, like, and so I think it's a big part of like healing that that wounding that we experience in our, in our throat, and to really kind of reclaim ourselves. And it can feel so satisfying to just like vocalize whatever wants to be expressed. Such a beautiful part of healing.
Yeah. And going back to something that you said earlier about basically, you know, the people pleasing and the codependency and all of these other issues that, you know, we kind of think of as like relationship issues, but you probably discovered, I'd love to know if this rings true for you. How were those related to your relationship with yourself? How are those things connected to how you showed up for yourself to be people pleasing? What did that mean for you on like a, you know, personal level?
For me, especially when I was people pleasing, like the height of my people pleasing, I would often suppress my own needs. I wouldn't ask for what I needed. I wasn't even in touch with what I needed. I was always there for everybody, which they loved and that was great. But then, like once I really started kind of healing from people pleasing and codependency, a lot of those relationships just completely vanished. And it was very telling that like, oh, like, you enjoyed me being there for you, but it wasn't really reciprocal, you know, and so it really showed me like who was for me. And it also showed me like how much of myself I would give away or across my own boundaries or self-abandoned. That one, I think in the last few years, I've really come to understand and identify like if and when I have self-abandoned or maybe where I've said yes, where I meant to say no, or I haven't given myself the time to check in with myself, that feeling of self-abandonment can be so painful now because I'm so, you know, so aware of it. But it also is just a reminder to come back to myself and to give myself grace and be like, okay, that happened. Let's like reassess and like make a different choice next time. And so, yeah, like people pleasing can, it ends up at times it would leave me very feeling resentful and sometimes even angry, like that I would, you know, have said yes when I meant to, you know, when I really wanted to say no. But I was so like, especially in my 20s and 30s, I was so suppressing what I wanted for the needs of others. And I really, there was a time I remember, I thought that like, you know, getting your own needs met or like self-love, I saw that is so selfish. Like there was a time where I felt that, which I think, you know, people, some people, I feel like people are coming around more to it now, you know, the idea of self-love because it's so talked about. But back then, like, I just felt like it was so selfish to do that. And now I completely understand that it's actually like the best thing you can do for yourself and everybody else around you is to take that time for yourself and to really get yourself like aligned and centered and like grounded. So you can and full really nourished and full so you can have, you know, overflow to give it's so much more, I think, meaningful and powerful to come from that place versus coming from a place of depletion or burnout. Right.
Well, I feel like it's more authentic, right? It's coming from your true, your true nature rather than some something that you're putting on to get through or to get by, right, which is what we end up doing when we're exhausted, when we're depleted, when we're overextended, we sort of put on whatever face we need to to just get over with, you know, this situation or this whatever, right. So it has a showing up differently when we're resourced, when we're fully like, you know, relaxed and in our bodies and not like trying to escape them. Because I think, you know, the thing you said about self abandonment and, you know, we look at it like in the co-dependency is like, oh, like I self abandoned by saying yes, when I meant to say no, and sometimes it can be very easy to like, you know, blame like the energy vampires or like the people who are taking from us. But like the thing that has really shown up for me in this, because I relate to this topic a lot, is that my self abandoning was more about me and another way to escape myself by putting my energy and giving my energy to other people. I was escaping myself and the things that I actually needed to do to tend to myself, because when it came to tending to myself, that was uncomfortable, that was painful, that made me have to like pay attention to what had been happening internally. And it was much easier to just keep externalized and focusing on other people. And it's funny, because I'm a cancer, so water sign like, like king of co-dependency or whatever, right. And so it's another form of like this self escape is to be people pleasing and to be focusing on what other people need and want and can I give it to them and can I get my value, my self worth from delivering something to other people so that I'm outside myself, so that I'm not paying attention to what's happening inside, right.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I can clearly recognize now too, like where I was looking for external, everything was like outward focused, like looking for validation externally, looking for my worth through other people, looking for, you know, everything was just like outward focused. And then, you know, then it was like, you know, when I would fall into these patterns of victimhood, like we can sometimes, that I could blame other people, right. So I didn't have to take accountability or responsibility for myself either. So that was a major shift too, for me over the last few years is really like, okay, wait a minute, like, everything starts within me. So I need to find that value, that validation, that self worth within me. And that's where it needs to come from. And then taking radical responsibility for myself, my choices, how I show up, and really do doing so from a place of like compassion. But having that what happens so often is like, people will kind of look outwardly or, or push their energy, give their energy outward. And then also, you know, allow that to be the reason to blame other people. While it's their fault, because this happened, you know, instead of really looking at, well, no, well, how was I a part of this. So it really helped me to take accountability for myself too, is to be able to like draw that power back inwards and say like, okay, where am I not? Where am I not holding a boundary? Where am I saying that, you know, where am I allowing behavior that doesn't feel good to me or doesn't serve me? So yeah, I feel like it's, there's like, there's so much juice here that like, there's like, we just dive into like so many different areas. Right. Yeah.
And it's, you know, coming back to this, like, the numbness being okay, you know, that sometimes we self abandon, and that's okay. Sometimes we are not living up to our own standards. Sometimes we like, let boundaries get crossed and we can forgive ourselves. And we can redirect back to what's really true, which is when you catch yourself self abandoning, and you feel that pain of it, and you're in touch with the impact of that pain of abandoning yourself. You know, I for one, would sometimes get stuck there, I get stuck in like a guilt trip or like a shame cycle with myself, instead of going, wait a minute, why do I feel this way? What's at the heart of this feeling of sadness, this feeling of shame, this feeling of guilt, it's that I care. It's actually sending me right back to love, it's sending me right back to like, you give a shit. And that's why this hurts so much right now. So knowing that getting in touch with that caring, like what would be the thing you'd want to do next time, what would be the learning here, like what would be the thing you could even do in this next moment to come back and actually do what you really feel is true for you, which, you know, like I said, the shame and the guilt are pointing to the fact that you care, the fact that you do want to be with yourself. So can you do that even just like 2% right now while the shame is still going on?
Yeah, yeah. The other thing that's coming up as you're saying that is that I think the other really important piece that I've come to understand is that we have these inner protectors, right? And oftentimes there are different versions of us that may be activated or triggered that think they have to protect us. So it could be your inner five year old or your inner teenager or your inner, you know, whatever, seven year old. And sometimes these inner protectors can be running the show in different areas of your life too. And so to be able to identify that has been really powerful for me too, because I know I have like a fiercely independent teenager. And, and so, you know, I can recognize like, oh, who within me right now is activated who it within me is trying to protect me or keep me from, you know, doing whatever this thing is, like showing up and being seen or whatever it is, right? Like where does she feel constrained? And how can I soothe her and connect with her on a somatic level? And then, you know, really allow the like sovereign queen to come in and like care for her and say like, look, you don't have to run the show, right? It's like letting these younger aspects of us, these inner protectors feel safe and letting the adult run the show. Because oftentimes that's what's happening when certain areas of our life are not working the way we want them to work is because these younger versions of us are coming in to try and protect us. And that's all they're trying to do. But it can be really powerful to understand like, oh, who's who's activated right now. And so that's been a big part of this as well.
But I just felt, yeah, to be mentioned, that's beautiful. That's bringing in some inner child work into like this conversation about working with our younger selves that are, you know, trying to prevent harm. They're trying to prevent like a thing that happened, you know, that some feeling or experience that they went through. And they're trying to protect us from that, you know, like the inner teenager who doesn't want to be controlled, doesn't want to be like, you know, shot down or, you know, whatever it is, like the angry teenager, we all have one inside of ourselves, you know, I know I do, you know, so like, well, I actually wrote a post about this recently in relation to food. And maybe we can chat a little bit about that, because I know that that's been, you know, something you've healed to with the binge eating that you referred to. And, you know, and once again, like not healed, like, you know, even as myself, like, this is an ongoing process, I sometimes we use the word healed, like it's done, but it's like, no, this is like a practice. This is something that we're living with every day, right? Yeah. Because so many of our food habits start in childhood, right, and our cultural conditioning around food, like it's been a really big piece for me to start bringing in like my inner child healing when it comes to how I'm relating to food, because food is this way that we all jump to that sometimes, well, or don't, or starve ourselves, other people do the opposite, right, when like, we are feeling things that we don't want to feel when we're feeling stressed and overwhelmed, we will sometimes go to food. And that can be a pattern that starts in childhood, that can be the inner child being like, you know, what would make you feel better right now? Ice cream. Because, you know, as a kid, like, that's what makes you feel better, you know, maybe your parent took you to, you know, go get an ice cream on a day when you were really disappointed or really sad or something. And so that immediately can come in as like a thing that's going to make you feel better reliably, right?
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and what was interesting for me, I grew up in the Midwest, and so, you know, I grew up in the land of cheese. And like, and there was a lot of processed food in our house and things like that. And I was, you know, I grew up part of the like clean plate club, all of that, right? And what I noticed what was really interesting, like I said, I hadn't allowed myself to really feel my emotions or, you know, I try to avoid them as much as possible. And then, you know, through my healing journey, as I allowed more and more of myself to be to be expressed and to feel and to emote, I kind of naturally started my whole like interest in what I ate changed. And so my body started to like, naturally heal itself and naturally not want the processed foods and the junk food and the, which was very different for me because prior to that, like, I said, I could, I could like binge eat and go into this like whole cycle of like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm ready now, I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose weight and I'm gonna do good and go to the gym and all these things, right? And the second I would like veer from that, I would see it as this failure. And then I would go into the cycle of sometimes weeks, months, days, sometimes even years where I would just like self sabotage and, you know, eat more or I'd be like, Oh, well, I screwed up. So it was just like, that's what it is. But as I started healing and looking at these things and allowing myself to feel that kind of naturally healed itself for me. That was my experience. Not that those patterns never came up again. But now I'm in a place where I'm pretty much a pescatarian and I eat really well, you know, eat whole foods and things like that. And so that journey for me, it really started to heal on its own as I allowed myself to feel and to express because I was no longer like trying to hold it all together and keep it all down. And so that's been a big part of this too is like the more I healed my trauma, expressed my emotions, I naturally was no longer drawn to going to food as a way to cope because I also had other tools to use. Right.
That's a great point because I mean, the core issues were what was driving the, you know, food stuff. And I think that, you know, if anybody who studies eating disorders or, you know, understands like how these kind of things come about it, there's a core issue behind it. That's not just, you know, that we have poor impulse control or something like that. Right. There's deeper things that are driving this. And since you started addressing those deeper things, it's like you kind of started addressing the root of the problem. And then that, you know, weed or whatever could not continue to flourish as its roots were being stripped away. Right.
Absolutely. Yeah. And it would just be like a natural progression like, oh, I no longer drink soda, you know, and then, oh, I no longer eat red meat. And then, oh, it was just like a gradual progression. It wasn't like an active like, I'm now going to stop eating meat. It was just like, it happened naturally. And so that was a really surprising and pleasant part of this experience is to just notice like what I was now drawn to. And I feel like part of that was I was feeling lighter energetically too. And so it was like, it was no longer a match to some of those lower vibration types of foods.
Things that were going to weigh you down, things that were going to bring down your energy, and you could probably feel it. And it wasn't like feeling good. And so you were like not interested in it just naturally. Yeah. That's fascinating that you bring it there to that kind of energy thing too. Because I think, you know, for a lot of people, they don't realize and maybe this is how it was for you too, but like, you don't realize how like, bad you feel until you start feeling better. Yeah. Oh, when you start feeling better, and you do the things that make you feel bad, it's like it makes you feel like really bad, because now you have something to compare it to, right?
Yeah, absolutely. I remember a time when there had been a long span since I had any processed food or anything. And then one day I was just like, you know, at the store and there's like, you know, the rack of chips or whatever, I was like, I'll get some Doritos. And then I got so sick. Like just from eating a few Doritos, it was like, Oh, wow, okay. Like, no more Doritos, you know. And so yeah, I feel like I could energetically feel that contrast and feel just in my body, like how it felt. And so that was, yeah, absolutely. You can tell the difference.
The thing that I want to point out here too, because you know, I run a program that's actually connecting somatics and food. So this is an area that I just super love to talk about, because we, you know, what I've discovered, and this is from my own personal experience, and it sounds like this was happening for you too, that as we work somatically to reconnect with our bodies, and to reconnect with ourselves, and to bring in like a literal action of self love, like it's not just self love like a mantra or like an affirmation, not that those are worthless, but just that this is a more embodied version of it. How do I move and express and like sense in to create that environment of love, not just a concept of it. You start to want to do things, to do, right, again, in action, to do other things that are self loving. So eating more fruits and vegetables, drinking water instead of soda, like these are things that most of us know that, you know, that's a healthy good thing to do for our body. But it just starts naturally wanting to happen. The more that you love your body and the more that you can feel your body. So I think that these things go hand in hand. And you've illustrated that really perfectly is as you started to become more somatically aware, like you naturally started choosing doing loving things towards your body in the realm of eating and the realm of food.
Absolutely. Like I just started craving those things. And the other thing that I think is interesting to note, it was the it was the same with with drinking and smoking too. Because at that time, you know, when I was really struggling with all of it, I would drink to not feel myself. And then I would also smoke. And those things too, as I healed, I naturally did not want them. And so that was a part of my journey too, is that those things, I mean, it's probably been about eight years since I've done either. And I just don't have any interest anymore. And so as I healed myself and my allowed myself to express my emotions, and I had tools, I didn't need to go to those vices or those coping mechanisms, I didn't need to self medicate. Right. So it was it was a combination of the food as well as the the alcohol and and and cigarettes too. And so it was really it was like my the way I see it is like it was like my whole body was just like flushing out all the toxins. And as I was crying, I always feel like crying is like, it's just like rain for the soul, right? It's just like nourishment for the soul. And so like as I was releasing, it felt like I was also releasing all those toxins that had been, you know, in my body for so long. So it was interesting correlation. And I love that you're putting that together, like the food and the somatics together, and really getting to the root of what's going on. Because I think until we can get to the root, like these things will still show up pretty prevalent. Absolutely. Yes. And Hello, everyone.
I'm Amy Takaya, and I have an exciting announcement. At the end of September, I will be hosting my first full length retreat. Somatic awakening will take place in the San Gabriel Mountains. This three day transformational experience will include Hannah somatic movement, hands on somatic body work by my father William Davis, my cousin, Seiji Oshenza and myself. We will also explore somatic yoga and mudra practice, as well as an end of the day sound healing to deepen your calm and release. Only nine spaces are available for full time participants. Day passes will be available for the Saturday activities. Right now, you can get $200 off the full price of the retreat. So if you're feeling called into freedom and ease of movement, a peaceful, relaxed nervous system, delicious plant based meals, and a fresh and enlivened way of being go to free your soma.com and hold your space. Payment plans are available by request and feel free to reach out to me with questions or comments at free your soma at gmail.com. Thanks again for listening and supporting this self healing revolution. You know, kind of going back to the thing you said about being a Pisces and being being very emotive as a Pisces. And then, you know, what I've heard and what I've also experienced from different Pisces that I've like dated or like had friends or, you know, they say that Pisces are the sign that is most likely to become addicts because they are overwhelmed by the universal energy that they feel. They feel so much emotion when they feel things they feel it like with their whole being and it can be very intense. And so it's very natural for them to want to numb out and drink or do drugs or escape because of the intensity with which they're actually able to feel.
Absolutely. Like, you know, during that time too, especially like in my 20s, like I didn't know I was an empath and I didn't know I was a psychic medium. And so I would feel all this energy and emotion and I didn't know what was mine and what wasn't mine. And until I was able to kind of sort that out, I did use alcohol as a way to cope and to kind of like numb it out and not feel it so much. And once I was able to start even understanding like what it meant to be an empath and like having some tools and practices to kind of bring into my, you know, my day to day, I wasn't, I was then able to kind of discern like what was mine and what wasn't mine. So, yeah, like I said, this was a very multi-layered for me. It was like the intuitive piece, the energetic piece, the food piece, the body piece. It was like all of it. Yeah. It's getting sorted out, I guess over the last decade.
And then I have to say, I have to ask like as you developed more connections somatically and you started to be more aware of all of yourself and actually process your emotions and feelings. I'm guessing that your intuition and your psychic energy has blossomed. I'm guessing that that's a huge piece of it that, you know, you guide other women and I mean, you just said like, you know, helping them come back to their intuition and power. Would you say a little bit about that, about how connecting with your body is related to your intuition?
It is so deeply connected because we have, you know, these different ways that we sense and feel in the world and if we're not connected to our body, we oftentimes are not present and we're disassociating or just like getting so wrapped up in the busyness of life that we would totally miss, you know, these cues or these, you know, whispers from the universe because that's how they come in is like these quiet whispers, right? And so like being in my body being able to really tune into what's happening in my body allows me to feel and experience because I when I feel mediumship, I'm at what's called an evidential medium. And so I get evidence from spirit to help the person on the other side know that this is real, right? So I'm getting it through feeling in my body like I could feel physically how someone has passed. I can hear, you know, my clair audience, clairvoyancy, really all the clairs, which I won't get into that right now, but you have to be able to be aware and understand and to feel what's really happening within your system and really at the base of it understand like what you feel like. So you can then discern like, okay, is this what I'm getting or what's happening here, right? So being able to kind of sort that out requires me to be in my body. And then also just to be able to hold that kind of energy and hold space for people, not only through coaching, but through mediumship or whatever it is, requires a lot of grounding and clearing and just really being present with myself and the energy that I'm feeling. And so it's all very deeply connected. So when we are not connected to our body, we are not as connected to our intuition. It's not to say that you can never hear your intuition, but it definitely makes it a lot harder.
Well, and it might make it cloudy too. And you know, if you use this word required a number of times, and I agree like in terms of for me, you know, being grounded and being present for me is a requirement in being like an effective like healer coach, facilitator of anybody else's healing. To me, I require that. But the truth is that, you know, if I didn't have as much integrity, I could probably like fool my way through it. Yeah, you know what I mean? And so what I think is that the somatic work, and this is what I've experienced, you know, going from being a yoga teacher for, you know, years. And it's not to say that I was a bad yoga teacher, but there were definitely times that I was not really present in my yoga class, I was kind of spaced out or I was not present. And there were times that I was like really present, right? But I, you know, part of it was just that I wasn't connected to my body, even though I was a yoga teacher, I know it sounds crazy, but like, you know, you can be a yoga teacher who is ignoring the signals in your body, just so you can do the pose, just so you can make the shape, just so you can, you know, perform the movements and look a certain way to the people that are learning or watching, you know, there is a sneaky ego that comes in, in all of us, you know, that shows up. But what the somatic work did, which kind of saved my life or saved my career, I guess you could say, is that it gave me a new level of integrity with which to operate from as a yoga teacher, as a facilitator for other people's healing, that I now had this new requirement for myself that I be present. I had a new requirement for myself that I be engaged in my body, right, as like a, as like a standard, right? Yeah. It's not that I like had low standards before or no standards. I just didn't, it wasn't even in my realm of understanding, you know, that this level of presence in my body was even possible. It was just like outside my, what I knew, right? And so what I'm hearing from you is that, you know, somatic work has made you, you know, have this standard for yourself of where you're operating from, right, is the standard for yourself of I pay attention to what's happening in my body and I discern, I figure out what's me and what's mine, and then what is it that's coming in so that I can be a clear channel? Would that be fair to say?
Oh yeah, absolutely. And I feel like it's equivalent to like, so I feel like there's therapists or coaches or healers that learn the work, right? But then there's people that actually do their own work, which I feel like leaves a certain imprint or signature of embodiment. And that medicine is then passed on to the person who can receive it, right? So it's like, if someone's not embodied in their work, they just know it in their head, you can tell the difference. You could feel the difference, even if you're not really aware of it, right? It's kind of like the equivalent of going to a therapist who just went to school to become a therapist versus someone who really went through some shit. Can we swear on this podcast? Oh, sure. Sure.
I can say whatever you want, because it's my podcast, but the market is explicit. Okay.
Basically, someone who's gone through some challenges in life and actually has experienced like doing the work to come to the other side of it. It's a very big difference. And so I feel like, yeah, doing the somatic work, doing the inner work, doing the healing work, all of it, you know, leaves a certain energy or embodiment of what, sorry, one second. It leaves a certain embodiment. Sorry, can you hang on one second? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, guys, I'm on the interview. Thanks. Okay. Where was I? Yeah, I feel like doing the healing work, doing the embodiment work, doing the inner work really leaves a certain energy imprint that people can feel. Yes.
And you know what came up for me while you were saying that is also that there's different teachers for different people because we're all on different parts of our journey. And it's not necessarily like one's even better than the other or like more higher or lower. Like we can tend to end up thinking that way. But like I remember when I was like not quite at this somatic awakened whatever level, so to speak, I would run into those teachers who were really embodied and it would sometimes scare me. It was like too much for me. I'd be like, oh, shit. She's gonna, you know, she's gonna make me realize like the things that I'm holding that I'm not ready to look at yet. And I prefer the teacher who's a little less embodied right now.
Yeah, no, I get that. I get that. I know, you know, I can, I can sense that in people like when they're intimidated by my energy, like, and, and I don't say that from a place of ego, but just like, you know, said that from, said that to me. And so I understand like, yeah, there's, there's the right, I feel like when you're ready, the right teachers will present themselves at the level and the place that you are. And yeah, it's not a right or wrong, but or worse, it's just where you are. Yeah. And I know for myself now, going forward in my own like journey or looking for support, I want the teacher who is gonna scare me a little bit in the ways of like, they're so embodied in themselves that it's, it's like my edge, right? It gets me to like, grow a little bit more, you know? Yeah. So I think we're, we're just all ready at the time we're ready when we're ready and you can't force it or make it different than yeah.
And how wonderful that there are, you know, therapists out there that are doing, you know, that are helping people who are maybe not ready to be at that embodied level, because it's like maybe a stepping stone for them, maybe that's just where they're at right now. They just need to talk it out and they're not ready to feel all the feelings about it yet, but they just need to talk it and they need to say it and they need to do some of that mindset work. And that's almost like, you know, that's like preparing for deeper work later on if they are ready to go there, if they decide to go there, if that's part of their journey, you know?
Yeah, absolutely. Like my, my, the beginning of my journey started with, I went through a program to become a coach and it was all around fear and how fear worked. And that program and those teachings were a great foundational program for me. Like who I was then would not, my system would not be able to handle what I can, you know, what I know now. That version of me could not handle where I'm at now. And so I feel like, yeah, we do need those stepping stones to kind of get us. And I feel like it comes down to really just trusting yourself. And, and when someone or something really resonates with you, you know, like, oh yeah, this is what I need next. Like you just know what you need next, even if you don't know what you need next.
Yeah, yeah. And it's funny because, you know, I've been looking at this like concept a lot recently of like, sometimes we want to feel this sense of being ready. But that sense of readiness sometimes doesn't come until we're like actually doing the thing. You know what I mean? I asked myself, am I ready to pay my taxes? I'm like, as I'm going through it, as I'm going through the motions, as I'm going through the papers, and I'm filling out the forms, then there's like almost like this momentum that starts happening at all halfway through it. And I'm like, oh yeah, okay, I'm doing this, it's almost done. You know, I can see the finish line, like, okay, this is getting worked out. And then there's like a flow that I end up in, you know, it's like, sometimes there's readiness, sometimes I'm ready to like, oh, I have this really great idea in my head, I just can't wait to write it out. And then sometimes like, there's nothing and I just start, I just need to start writing. Right. Right.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. When I, you know, after that kind of breakdown in 2013, I didn't really know what I needed or want to, I didn't know how to begin my healing journey. I felt like I was in was in was And then I started I started I started I started I started I started I started I started I started I just kind of kept following the breadcrumbs and following my intuition until, you know, to let it lead me to whatever it was that I needed, even if I didn't know I needed it, you know, at the time, it still brought me to where I needed to be. So I feel like that was a big part of just trusting that, like, whatever I'm drawn to next, or is what I'm needing next, like, you always get what you come for at the end of the day.
Right. Right. Right. And it's important to ask ourselves, like, what are we like asking for? What are we like looking for? What are, you know, and because a lot of times that's like unconscious until we realize, like, oh, I've been creating, like, all of this drama for myself or all of this pain for myself. And then we can go, Oh, what would I create if I had a choice in what I create? You know, because life is going to throw us all kinds of interesting curveballs, you know, but like, what are we like saying we want from life? That's kind of another one I've been playing with, you know. Yeah, no, totally. Yeah, I get that. It's also, I was going to bring up a little bit about something you mentioned before we started recording. You're also an artist, you're also a painter. And how does systematic work affected your creativity and your art?
Well, the interesting thing is, so I'm not to totally go off topic here, but I'm in human design was called a manifestor. And I got this creative urge as we often do to paint. And so I not just paint, but I also channel people's energy into and onto a painting. And so basically, they're like psychic paintings. And so as I'm painting, I'm also allowing myself to express like, and without the somatic work, I would not. I don't feel like I would have been as free to express, right? Like, because there was a time because I was so uncomfortable in my body, like I did not want to move, it was just like, you know, any kind of movement or dance or whatever, like I was so uncomfortable in my own body that I would not allow myself to move. And so through the somatic work and through kind of coming back home to myself and becoming comfortable in my own skin again, even through painting, like I'm, you know, like when I'm expressing, I love to work big too. And so like, I'm really like paint, you know, expressing and dancing while I'm doing the painting. And so I feel like it's freed my creativity more because I'm more willing to like, be in my body and express my body as I paint. So it's really helped. I feel like bring me back to that. And also, like, I had a period of time where I didn't, I mean, it had been about 15 years since I painted because prior to becoming a coach, I was a photographer. And I graduated in 2007 with a painting and photography major, but I felt like I had to decide which one I wanted to do. So I chose photography. And I did that professionally for a very long time. But then I kind of abandoned painting altogether. And so it not only helped me to express, but it brought me back to painting, which I love because for so long, I would say, you know, I'd see somebody else painting, I'd be like, Oh, I really want to paint again, but I wouldn't like give myself that permission to just do it, you know, because I had all these really, I think that was an interesting thing about how trauma shows up too. I had all these interesting rules around what I couldn't couldn't do, not only when it came to what I wore, but also to how I could play and how I could move and what I could do. And so it was very, like I said, it was very deeply interwoven into all of it. So I feel like it really allowed me and gave me permission to just express again
. Right. And express big through color, yeah, shape. And I love that you move while you're painting. That sounds really, really fun, actually. And working big, I think like that's probably, you know, my husband is an artist and I had someone of his desires is to work big. And, you know, when you work big, you kind of need space to do that. You need to have space not just around you, but like also in your body, you know, in your field of vision. And when we're when we go through trauma, this is something like that we kind of examine and look at a little bit in the somatic work that I do, which is really, you know, motor cortex brain body based, right? Is we look at how when we go through a traumatic experience, we go into tunnel vision and our vision actually gets limited. And if you can think about that with what you just said about all the rules and all of the, you know, I'm only allowed to do it this way. No, I can't do that. I can only do it this way. I can't move that way. I can only move this way. It's about like literally our vision as well, getting limited so that we can only see like what's right in front of us. Right. Yeah, can't see the bigger picture that's going on. Because the bigger picture, you know, to take in everything from the periphery and to like not have that sharp vision, that's kind of like what we do when we're relaxed. That's something that we do when there isn't a tiger in the bushes that's trying to eat us. When there's a tiger in the bushes that's trying to eat us, your eyes get sharp and they zero in and they look for the danger. Right. So it sounds really like a beautiful, like embodied expression of this healing, your trauma work that you're working big, that you're working with like these larger, you know, visual pieces because it's literally, you know, asking your brain to expand its landscape as well. That's really cool. Yeah.
And I love what you said about, you know, needing space or taking up space. That was something like I didn't allow myself to do is take up space. Like if anything, I wanted to like shrink myself as much as possible because I felt like I was an inconvenience or like being in a bigger body that I was like taking up too much room, you know, like, and I would try to like, whether it be in a car or on a plane or whatever, I would try and like squeeze myself to be small, you know, instead of just taking up space and being like, it's okay for me to take up space. Like there's plenty of room for everyone, you know. And so it's interesting that correlation like as you were saying that to recognize that like, yeah, by painting and like allowing myself to express, I'm allowing myself to also take up that space. Right.
And taking up space means being seen more. Yes. And because when we when we close in, when we shrink our bodies, when we squeeze our legs together and we squeeze our shoulders in, we make ourselves smaller, you know, which is like in its own way, if you think about again, that analogy of like the tiger, we're making ourselves smaller and less threatening to something that might want to attack us, right. But more than that, like we're also putting our bodies into this contraction, where all of our energy is going inward, right. And it's not moving out. And so it's getting stuck, right, in that kind of squeezing inward space. And when you start releasing that, when you start like expanding and widening and allowing yourself to relax and open up, now suddenly you're going to be seen a little differently by the world around you. And you know, you know, this now also as like, you know, a coach and someone who's on social media, who's sharing your voice, right, and expressing publicly, like, there's a whole process with that of allowing yourself to be seen after many years, maybe of shrinking and making yourself smaller. Can you say a little bit about that process for you?
Oh, totally. Like, that was actually, that's been one of my biggest, I feel like, mountains to climb, so to speak, is when I became a coach, like, I kind of naively got into the coaching space of just like, I just want to help people. And that's all, you know, like, now I'm here, let me help you, you know. And, you know, not really, I guess, being aware of just how much I would have to like market myself and write copy and tell my story and like be on the other side of the camera, which I was, you know, a photographer for 14 years. I was used to being on the other side, you know, directing and letting people know what to do. And so when the camera got turned back around on me like that, it took me a good four and a half years of kind of, I like to call it turtling, like, I'd come back out and be like, okay, here I am. And then I'd go back in, and then come back out and go back in. And it took me a good four and a half years to really like feel really solid in that. But then it was interesting to notice like when I would kind of hit a new, you know, a new level, so to speak, I would kind of want to shrink again. Or, you know, I remember I went viral on TikTok, I ended up, it was like in three days, I had 30,000 people looking at me. And then, and then beyond that, it was like, within a week, there was like 77,000 people now looking at me. And I remember when I hit the, for some reason, the 22,000 mark, like, I just like cried the whole day. And it was like my nervous system couldn't handle the thought that that many people were like, watching me. And, and I adjusted, but then I noticed like, I would start to hide in my lives. So instead of posting content, you know, there for the whole public to see, I would kind of like head out my lives. And so it was interesting just to notice like, with every new level of being seen, I had to kind of like come back to my body and kind of reregulate my nervous system and kind of like, to nourish those parts or those inner protectors that were afraid of like being attacked or bullied or what, you know, it was like, my safety definitely felt threatened, right on an unconscious level. And so it was like, there, there's all these clever ways like that we try to protect ourselves and aren't necessarily even aware of until it was, it's like, oh, okay, that's what's going on. And so yeah, through every new level of being seen, there's been this new like, kind of reminder or like, slash back. Yeah, kind of just a reminder to come back home to myself and like, okay, use your tools, you're okay, you're safe, like, you can do this, you know, and so I just actually had this again recently. And what I came to really understand is that, you know, oftentimes we talk about the fear of success, right, we're fear of our own greatness, our own power. But what I came to understand is that there's a part of me that is actually not afraid of a success. It was more a fear of, will I be able to, if I'm successful and I'm seen on, you know, an even bigger level, will people try to change me? Will I go fall back into those people pleasing habits? Will I be able to uphold my boundaries? Can I maintain that kind of success? Will you say that again? Can I be I be Can I be that accountable? Right, so it wasn't even really the fear of success. So I was kind of hitting up against a lot of resistance and I was like, what is this about, right? And so as I kind of dropped in and like, asked these questions, I really came to understand that, oh, that inner teenager of mine, she's very much afraid of like, feeling constricted or not free, right? And so in her mind, like that success or being seen or going to this next level could mean that people were going to kind of try and contain her after she's finally kind of broken free, you know, of staying small. And so it's interesting when you go from like, spending most of your life keeping wanting to keep yourself small to finally understanding and feeling like just how powerful you are and just how massive your energy can be and like how good and freeing that feels to like finally be liberated in that to then fear like, oh, will somebody try and squish me back down, right? And will I allow it? And then I think it's coming back to that like self abandonment. And so yeah, it's like with every new level, it's like, it's like re upping the, the going back in game, you know, like go back in, go back in. It's like, it's always bringing me back into the body. And so, it's so grateful for this work, because it's so powerful to be able to have those tools to like, come back to yourself and like really examine like, what's going on here? What's, you know, what am I bumping up against here? It's so powerful to be able to identify that and then to move forward.
Right. And that you can do it yourself and that you the tools are inside of you and that you don't need to go like on any special retreat or take any of, you know, specific substance or, you know, like do, you know, yeah, you don't have to like do anything but be in your body and breathe and move within yourself. That's like mind blowing, you know, to a lot of people in the beginning, because we're sort of, you know, like we were talking about before, we're trained to think that the answers are outside of us and that the tools are these like things outside of us. What you're discovering and what you're practicing and I relate to this so much is that it's actually inside of us and that we can process, you know, we're built for that. We're built to be able to process the things that come in and sort them out and come back to balance and health and well-being within ourselves. Our bodies are always trying to do that. They're trying to come back to balance and well-being, you know, in the beginning it's like they just are confused or something about what that means, you know, I think about that in terms of like my own, you know, back in the day, like I would be the kind of person who after I would have like a stressful day at work. I think I've talked about this before in the podcast because it's to me is just like so classic like my 20s or something. I would get off work at like 1030 being all stressed out from something or whatever and I would go get like a bag of potato chips and I would just eat the whole bag of potato chips on my way home from work and my tongue would get all like, you know, swollen from the salts and like I would feel bad and like I would feel like, oh, why did I do that, you know, but what I realize now is like that was like a misguided attempt at like rebalancing myself. Yeah. The tool that I was using, it just wasn't like maybe a very sustainable or useful tool in the long run, right, but I was trying. It was like an attempt at self-love in its own weird twisted way.
Yeah, yeah, I think we're always trying to do our best, you know, hopefully. And sometimes, you know, I think that's another big difference as you were talking about, you know, the bag of chips, like I feel like that's a big difference I've noticed too is that I'm no longer making myself bad or wrong for the times when I slip up or whatever. I'm just noticing like, okay, what's really going on here, like what's going on for me and and then, you know, meeting myself with that compassion and then saying like, okay, what do I want to do next time, right? Just learning from it instead of like beating myself up or putting myself down or making myself wrong for it or bad. And I think it's really beautiful when we can do that because we can be really hard on ourselves.
Absolutely, yes. And yeah, I feel like with the with the potato chips, like now that doesn't even think doesn't even seem like a thing to do when I'm upset. Like it's not the first thing that comes into my mind. And I have so many other tools and ways of dealing with the feelings that are coming up, you know, and processing like whatever emotions of other people came in, right, as kind of, you know, someone who experiences like other people's feelings or universal energy is like we have that we there's a way to process that, that doesn't have to like involve potato chips for me anymore. And so I'm just drawn towards it. So I'm just the kind of like you expressed before, like we just, you know, can find a natural balance in ourselves when we have when we have the tools that are already inside of us.
Yeah, and I think, you know, I think it's really, there is a time on our journey where we do need extra support, because we maybe don't have the tools yet. And so there was a time where I was, you know, heavily working with coaches. Now it's more, because maybe I want to go to like a next level and I want to get there a lot quicker, right. And I think like, so I think while, yes, there is a time where you can essentially like coach yourself or heal yourself or go inward and, and, you know, act, you know, actively use those tools, I think there's also a time where, you know, we do need that extra support. And at least that was definitely the case for me on the beginning of my journey. And now I don't quite need it as much, because I can coach myself and I can really see myself through a lot. But if I ever want to kind of, yeah, like, plant a leaf my journey, that's where I'll, you know, or places that are really sticky for me. Because to be honest, like, outside of painting, the movement for me can still be, I think we talked about this, when we had met, you know, that can still be a bit of a challenge for me. So I know, you know, that's just another place to kind of dive into.
Yeah, yeah. And I would so love to explore that with you sometime. This the movement that I teach, I think you'll find it really natural and it'll speak to you totally because it's highly sensuous is what I've to become like starting to become more comfortable saying. Yeah, it's not it's not explicitly like any kind of sexual practice at all. It's just these tiny little micro movements. But while I'm like watching people sensing and and feeling into their bodies and moving, I'm like, Oh my gosh, like this is so elegant and sensuous and beautiful, like very easily, you know, for some person become part of like their own erotic experience, like absolutely, you know, but I hear you about like, finding someone or maybe they just show up, like they just show up in your world who has like that little piece that like wasn't quite there, like it's this piece for you that like you're starting to see but it's still foggy or it's still misty, you know, or you're not quite there with it. And someone else comes in and you're like, Oh, like they bring this like right into focus. And if I spend some time with them, like I will bring this part of like my consciousness or my awareness or my being will come stronger and stronger into focus, right in the presence of like this person who knows what's up.
Yeah, yeah, I feel like there's like little keys that we each carry, you know, that sometimes can unlock things for us that we maybe have a little bit more difficulty unlocking. And so, yeah, when I met you, I was like, Oh yeah, you could definitely help me with that part.
Awesome. Yeah. Well, you know, it's just been absolutely amazing to have you share all of these different aspects. Because I mean, when we started talking, we're kind of like, Oh, it's going to be touching on this and this. And I was like, Yeah, okay, let's go there. It's going to be art. It's going to be expression. It's going to be intuition and psychic mediumship. And like all of these, you know, we're going to play with the astrology of it more just these very Piscian realms that you are super connected in. And it's really exciting. It's really beautiful. Can you say a little bit about like the type of person that you love to work with who is like your like ideal client?
I find that my client is very similar to me. And one thing that I just want to mention, I think it's important. Because one thing I noticed, because I noticed patterns, right? Often. And one thing I noticed is like, there's this tendency, there's, you know, some people that like to live in their head a lot, right, and kind of be in that place. And then there are people that are really into the woo, right? And I feel like I'm a nice balance of both, but also can bring into the body, which helps ground it. Because even though we are souls having a human experience, we still are in human bodies, right? And we still need to, to live in these bodies. And so I think it's, I bring a beautiful balance of both. And so oftentimes I find that the people that come to me are very similar to me. And they're either just a few steps behind me, or, you know, they have been where I was, right? It's like people that maybe struggle to be connected to the body or don't feel good in their bodies. Maybe have a difficult time expressing. Maybe want to learn more about their intuition or to really connect to themselves on a deeper level, or have, you know, been struggling in the bedroom. Like, it's really, I have, what I can say is, the people that come to me just know they want to work with me. It's like, they intuitively know, like, oh yeah, that's who I want, right? It's not because I wrote some amazing sales page that, you know, got them in my DMs or whatever. It's because they just, they just have a knowing. So I find a lot of the people that come to me are also intuitive. And maybe are just feeling a little lost along the way and needing some support in whatever area of life that they, they, you know, are feeling challenged in. And the thing is, you know, what affects us in one area affects us in all areas, whether we're conscious to it or not. And so I feel like whatever someone comes to me for, a lot more becomes revealed and uncovered. And one of the things that I love about, I guess, the work that I do is, you know, during my journey, there were times where I didn't know any better, and I would just go digging in for my trauma, right? I'd just be like, okay, what's the next thing I can kind of conquer when it comes to my trauma, right? And I don't take that approach. And I take an approach from more of a desired based place. So we look at what is it you really desire. And yes, sure, things will come up along the way. But we really take the approach of like, what do you really want? Like what, you know, in your, you know, your sex life, your relationship, your love life, like, you know, your money, whatever it is, like, what is it you really desire? And then we use the body in the body's wisdom and somatic tools to really dive in and see like what's really alive for you, what's really going on. And I think having the intuitive piece and, you know, the psychic medium ship, it helps me get to the root of a problem too, much quicker, like some, sometimes we can, you know, kind of transform things that have been there for like years or decades in a matter of a few sessions. So it can be really powerful in that way. And so I feel like, you know, being able to help people just really create a life that they desire and see what's, you know, what's been getting in the way is, is so powerful. You know, to just watch somebody blossom in that way is incredible.
Yes, absolutely. I love what you said before about being able to be integrated between like the woo woo and the practical, analytical. And I mean, I think of it in terms of hemispheres of your brain. And that's what's powerful about somatic work is that you're working with your whole body, which means you're working with right and left side of your body. You're not just working with your right side or just your left side, you're working with both sides of your body. So you're stimulating that both sides of your body can work in communion. Both sides of your brain can work together. We can be emotional and spiritual and connected to the greater consciousness, and we can analyze and be logical and practical and be in our physical form. And I think that, you know, my wish is just that more people who are in the realms of psychic or like, I guess you could say like woo woo practices, that they would do some kind of somatic work to deepen and develop not only their intuition, but also ground themselves more deeply in, in their bodies. Because I've met people, you know, maybe, you know, some people like this too, who their spiritual practices become a form of escapism from their bodies. Their, into the other realms becomes so primary that they forget to take care of themselves. Yes.
That and I also see a lot of, you know, I think part of the, I mean, yes, there's like skeptics, right? And I think it's sometimes difficult for people to wrap their mind around that there could be more, right? But then I also see where some are, some psychics, some psychic mediums are doing harm because they haven't done their own inner work and, and, and they're projecting their own, you know, beliefs or, or like trauma onto them. Like, I've had so many people come to me that are like, Oh my God, this psychic told me that I'm, you know, this terrible thing is going to happen. And I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Like, no, first of all, no. You know, so there's like a lack of integrity and ethics, I think, in that space. And, and I think a lot of it is a reflection of like, you know, have they done their own personal work around that? So that they're not projecting, you know, projecting onto other people, or not even being able to like filter, filter out like the way that they say something, right? It's like, because sometimes like, yes, something that may be coming through is, is kind of difficult to hear. And so I feel like it's important to have a type of kind of tenderness around it or like, compassion. Like, I think it's really important to have just like, to be mindful in your approach to, to what you're sharing and how you're sharing it. And sometimes I've seen that, you know, there can be some harm done. And that's true for any industry, you know, coaching, psychics, whatever, like healers in general. But I just think it's important to find someone that you feel safe with at the end of the day. And that really walks their talk.
Right. Yeah. And that piece about like what they haven't really healed yet in themselves, like can come out sideways and affect their, their client or this, the person that's kind of showing up in their space in a vulnerable position, you know, seeking guidance, seeking healing, seeking, you know, and what you've said before about like, you know, psychic telling you that something terrible is going to happen. I think that like, that fear based, I guess you could say like approach, but I don't even think sometimes it's conscious. I think that sometimes, you know, these people that, you know, were maybe called charlatans or phonies, like in their experience, like this is real for them, like they're not lying, they're being totally honest, but they're so immersed in their own fear consciousness that that's all they're perceiving and seeing is the danger. And they're not able to connect with like the empowering, like possibilities that are also there, even with a difficult scenario that shows up, there's a possibility of a way to work with it, to move around it, to move through it, right, and be in an empowered place with whatever shows up. And because they're not experiencing that reality themselves, all they can see is the disaster. Right.
Yeah, absolutely. I feel like, you know, again, this isn't like a judgment or better than or worse, but healed, you know, hurt people hurt other people. And I feel like when you've done the work to empower yourself, you all you want to do is uplift and support people. And I my experience of spirit and of the work I do in that realm is very loving and compassionate. And so that is, you know, that's, that's my experience, because I don't, I don't give attention to anything else outside of that. And if something is coming through, that's a little more difficult, I'm very mindful of how it's being delivered, because you don't know what somebody's system can handle too. And I think that, you know, comes back to like the whole nervous system thing, like if someone's receiving a message or like hearing something they're not ready for, that can really affect their nervous system and send them spiraling. And so I think it's, yeah, it's just some more, I feel like grounded approach to, to all of it. And none of it could have happened if I wasn't in, in my body and did the work for myself.
So, oh, yeah, well said. Yes. Yeah. I mean, the idea, like once again, coming back to the first question I asked you, you know, sometimes when I say things like, oh, you know, I hadn't been living in my body, it's like, well, where were you? Like, of course, there's some people who maybe are so unaware of their unawareness of their bodies or something that it's like, well, where else would you be? But at the same time, like, there's a difference between having a body and like existing and interacting and responding to your body, right? There's a huge difference there.
Absolutely. Yeah, I can think about like in my, you know, in my 20s and 30s, I was just like, surviving life, right? Like, like, yeah, I could feel things. So it's not like I didn't have feelings, but like, I wasn't allowing those feelings to be expressed. And I wasn't being inquisitive or curious about what, what is this about? I just wanted to like push it down, like numb it, like, I don't want to feel it, I don't want to deal with it. Like, and, and so oftentimes I would leave my body and dissociate to, to like, just not be there. And so yeah, there's a big difference. And I think too, I was, you know, I mean, I was also a teenage single mom. So I was raising a young boy. And so I was very much focused on him and what was happening with him and how to, you know, just yeah, like survive life. So I was just kind of like on a, you know, autopilot, you know, yeah, it's, it's a very different thing to be on autopilot and going through your life and your day than to really be like present with your body and, and what's happening in each moment.
Yeah, and it's a trip, man, it is because it's shifting and changing all the time. And sometimes, you know, we're getting signals or things sensing things in our bodies that like are telling us that like the thing that we're after mentally is not really the thing that our body needs right now. And so in styling that and like letting the, you know, letting the push go when you can and then also accepting, you know, because there are times it's like, sorry, body, like, I know you want to take a nap right now, but like, we're going to go do this because we said we were going to, we're going to fulfill on our word. We're going to take some deep breaths. We're going to drink extra water. And when it's time to rest, like I'll give you the rest, you know, so we got to kind of do both. You got to kind of like, you know, listen sometimes and then allow things to be overridden sometimes, right?
Yeah, it's not like I'm conscious 100% of the day every day all day. I think what else is interesting to note too, as you're talking about, you know, your body changes. What I've recognized in the last six months as my body has changed is I feel like I've been going through some changes like hormonally and that sort of thing, which has changed like kind of my body or the shape of my body. It's like, now there's this new level of like becoming comfortable with myself and accepting myself again in a new place, right? And I know I started to notice some of those older, you know, patterns kind of creep in. And so I was able to like notice them, witness them and then meet myself with compassion and grace again and just accept that, okay, like, things feel a little different here, like we're going to readjust. And like, how can I come back to you? How can I meet you where you are? And, you know, move forward from here because, you know, whether we like it or not, like, as we age, things change and shift and move and or we, you know, have babies or whatever happens, right? Like our just our bodies change. And so it's like, I've noticed through each new change, it's like, it's a reminder to come back to myself from my body because some of those like older thoughts can can come in. And but there's so much more manageable now, if they do pop up. And it doesn't mean that all is lost, right? It doesn't mean that like, just because, you know, I know there's been times throughout my journey where like, I thought like, oh, I've got this licked, it's over now, right? I think you talked about earlier about how you can feel like it's not like, oh, this is forever healed, you know, put a stamp on it, we're going to file that one away. It's like, Oh, no, like this is a continuous journey. And so, yeah, as things shift and change, it's just another reminder for me to like, come back to myself and kind of meet myself in this new place. And I imagine that's going to be something, you know, that will be a lifelong journey.
Yeah, I believe so, I believe definitely so. I mean, it's interesting, the shifting and changing, you know, hormones and hormonally in our bodies. And I've talked to a number of women who are like a little bit ahead of me on that journey, who, you know, are in their 40s, you know, while I'm still in my 30s. And it's interesting, because it seems to surprise many of us. And go, Oh, that's what that is, you know, and then there's an acceptance process, right, that I've kind of observed some of my friends going through. But I feel like in some kind of weird way, I just recently started going through that a few years ago around my menstrual cycle, because I don't know why, but like, even though it was happening like every month, I was like surprised by it for years.
Yeah, you're like, Oh, this is my identify with that. But I, I, I almost, I'm curious to know, like, you know, if that's common, right, especially if you've struggled with body image and that sort of thing, like, I didn't know anything about my menstrual cycle growing up, like, I just knew there it is, you know, and, and I think part of that maybe, at least for me, has been, like, because I was not connected to my body, I didn't want to be in my body, you know, like, so I wasn't even conscious to like, what was happening there, right? Yeah, and then it's so irregular that I was just like, Okay, this is here.
Right. The irregularity would probably have a lot to do with it too, because if you have a dysregulated nervous system, you know, and your health is, you know, like your microbiome, all those things, right, those health markers would definitely affect your cycle and they affect the frequency of it. And then of course, like, a lot of young girls will go on birth control, which will also, like, change your cycle, it'll sometimes make it like disappear for some women with some of those, like the patch and things like that. But then it also can make it really, really regular to the point that like, you don't even have to think about when it starts, because you know where you, what pill you've taken, so you know when it starts, you know, so then if you decide to just like, go freestyle, like I did some years ago after having like a baby, right, and all this stuff, it's like, oh, now I'm experiencing like my natural hormonal rhythms, and there's actually a rhythm here. Yeah. There has maybe been this whole time, or at least some kind of rhythm that I was not paying attention to. And definitely being more somatically aware has like made me more aware of those rhythms, you know, and I'm guessing that like for you, as you're transitioning to like another phase of your hormonal, like macro hormonal cycle, you know, rather than like a period being like a micro version or something, like there's going to be some grace that you actually get access to and can find in this process with the awareness that you have that probably wouldn't have been possible if you hadn't been on this journey and doing this work, if you could like imagine a different timeline with like a different Lori, who might be really pulling her hair out right now.
Yeah, oh, absolutely. Yeah, I would have been, yeah, beating myself up like why, why am I tired all the time, or why am I confused or whatever, right? And so instead, it's just allowed me to like look at it like, oh, okay, I'm noticing some changes, what's going on here, right? Like how can I, you know, you know, start to research how to balance hormones naturally, right? Like, and so it's allowed me to get inquisitive about what's happening within my body. And then like, okay, now what can I, and then I start to like intuitively seek out what, what my body needs, right? Because I think that's a piece too that we're not really, I think a lot of people are disconnected from is that our bodies know exactly what we need. And whether it's food or, you know, rest or whatever it is, like our bodies know. And so we can use our bodies as a tool to like find out what that is, you know?
Yes, absolutely. I hear that from lots of my, I mean, in myself, I experienced that, but I hear that from lots of my clients who, you know, like one of the women, it was just six months ago, she was asking me, she was in front of me asking me, I've never known what my body needs, you're telling me I'm going to know what my body needs, you're telling me I'm going to know what I want. I think you will. I said, I, you will. And she's like, are you sure? I'm like, I'm as sure as I can be here. I believe that if you're doing this work, you're going to know. And then, you know, within six months, she was traveling and she was on a trip and she messaged me and she's like, it's amazing. I do know what my body wants. And I'm just very easily able to locate what I need and what I want at any moment on this trip. And it's totally different than any other traveling I've done before where I've forgotten to eat and I've been, you know, forgetting to drink water and I end up super tired and depleted and exhausted and, you know, then not sleeping very well. And she's like, it's not that way now. Like I'm actually getting the signals and I'm able to respond to them intuitively. And it's amazing how fast that can happen for somebody in, you know, it was less than six months that she went from questioning whether that would be possible to experiencing it, you know?
Yeah, yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty incredible to, yeah, to access that. It just to be able to, I mean, I look at intuition as like a energy PS, right? It's like showing us where to go. So our guiding light, so to speak. I mean, you want to use logic and wisdom in there too, right? But, but our intuition like is guiding us where we want to go. It can help us with choosing what foods we're wanting or needing or, you know, like, it's such a powerful tool that we all have access to. And so, yeah, I'm just so grateful for, for somatic work. And I've seen that in my own clients too. Like, I remember I had a client who was really struggled with anxiety. And when we were able to drop into the body and I, you know, I supported her in connecting to her anxiety and actually talking to it, right? To not be fearful of it, but to actually talk about it. The way it showed up visually for her, it's just the size of a quarter, right? But it was like all these stories that were attached to what anxiety, what would happen if her anxiety came up and all this stuff was like attached to it, which made it so much bigger, right? And, and made her so much more fearful to experience and feel it. That when we were able to actually drop in and really connect to it, it was just the size of a quarter. And like, that was all she needed to just accept like, oh, okay, I'm feeling a little anxious. This is what's happening. How can I tune in? How can I come back to my body and like, keep those stories at bay, right? The catastrophic thinking. So powerful. Yeah. Yeah, to like, take something that's affected her for decades and then be able to just see it for what it was and now not be fearful of it if it, you know, comes up. And it's just, yeah, this work is remarkable.
That's so beautiful. I love that. Yeah. And that sounds also like things that you probably drew from like the previous experience working a lot with fear, which was like your foundation. So helping people understand and interact with their fear. And then you're bringing in the somatic tools with that. That's just sounds amazing. That sounds so beautiful.
Yeah. It's, it's so powerful. Like, just, I just love it. I love it. Awesome. Thank you so much for being on my podcast to talk about all this juicy somatic stuff and share your story and your tools and your wisdom. And I just, I've really loved connecting with you and talking with you and getting, you know, our audience to hear a little bit about how this has all become part of your life, your self expressed, epically free and unapologetically you life. Yes. Yes. Super awesome.
Thank you so much for having me. Amy, it's been such a pleasure. And I feel like I, what I love too is that, you know, it feels like we have some crossover and some similarities into what we do, but it feels like there's some nuances that are different. And so I'm really looking forward to working with you on the, the aspects that maybe, you know, to, to receive the keys to unlock the parts that I'm still exploring for myself. So I'm so grateful to have met you.
Yeah, awesome. And I'd love that when, you know, what I love about connecting with other somatic practitioners, and I've had a number of them on the podcast is that there are so many different styles and ways of doing the same kind of work, but they're all so beneficial. And when we can start to like see like, Oh, you do like the same kind of body connection, like neural repair work, but with like this part, and I do it with this part, like, Oh, these are really great things to combine. Like these are really great things to, you know, they don't oppose each other is what I'm saying. They like actually combine and they interact and they nourish each other is what I think.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I think it's super cool.
Wonderful. Well, if anyone would like to connect with Laurie, I highly recommend it. She is on Laurie Marie's Marie loves, right? And that's on tick talk. That's where most of your content is most of your following, although you do have an Instagram and a YouTube. So you can find that information in the show notes. Currently, you're working one on one, and you also have a membership. Do you want to say anything about how your membership works?
Yeah, so, um, so my membership is the luminous life. It's basically like 10 years of my journey curated and and what I share in there tools, tips, trainings. I go live in there and do hot seat coaching. Like it's a really juicy group to really dedicated for those who are wanting to grow and glow together and and rise and thrive. So it's a great space to be. And I just love doing this work and supporting people in really, you know, just coming back home to themselves and reclaiming their power and helping people know how amazing they are, because we really are so amazing. And so when we can peel back those layers of the things that have told us where or not, it's, it's really incredible to witness like just the unfolding of someone, such a beautiful, beautiful thing.
So yeah, that's incredible. So yeah, check out Lori's membership. Check her out on TikTok, her, her videos, her community. It's been an absolute joy talking to you. And I look forward to possibly working with you sometime soon in the future. And also having you back on the show to check in sometime. Amazing. Thank you so much, Amy. Wonderful.
You've been listening to the Free Your Soma podcast. To find out more information about today's guest, check the show notes. And to find out more information about me, Amy Takaya and the Radiance Program, visit www.freeyoursoma .com.