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EP 34 - Dancing with the Ever-Changing Soma with Brianna McKee










Dancers and Movement Professionals can develop a unique and powerful connection to their soma. In many ways, dance is a deeply somatic experience whether we realize it or not.


Brianna Mckee has been a professional dancer and explorer of movement all of her life. She has, in recent years become more consciously aware of her soma, her ongoing experience that is recorded, remembered and experienced through her body.


On Today's podcast we explore:

-Her somatic experiences in becoming conscious of her body consciousness

-The way dance helped her develop proprioceptive awareness -What is Intuitive movement? How do we find it and play with it?

-The way memories can be stored and experienced in our bodies

-How motherhood has shifted her life awareness and created deeper devotion to a conscious and careful way of being


And so much more!


Brianna Mckee is a professional dancer, yoga and movement instructor and entrepreneur who is currently developing some programs for empowered and intuitive movement.


Connect with her on instagram @owlmama_magic to learn more about her world and approach to movement.


LISTEN AND READ!


A: Every day there is a forgetting and every moment there is the possibility of remembering. Remembering who you truly are, awakening to your body, to the inner world and experience of being alive. Here is where you find the beauty, the joy. Here is where you free your Soma. Hello and welcome to Free Your Soma, Stories of Somatic Awakening and How to Live from the Inside Out. Today I have Brie McKee with me here. She's a professional dancer of 20 years, a a and dance teacher, and is currently developing some programs that combine movement and healing arts modalities to help people reconnect to their bodies to feel more whole and free inside themselves and improve their quality of life. So thank you so much for being here with me today, Brianna. Thank you for having me. Yes. So maybe give our listeners just a little introduction to who you are and a little bit about your background, maybe where you're coming from.


B: Yes, so I'm living in Las Vegas right now where I've worked on and off for about 15 years and some of the other years I was in California and traveling around doing dance. I have been practicing yoga and other energetics for a pretty long time and was always pretty energetically aware when I was younger. I am a mother of a two year old daughter, which is bringing up a whole another gamut of healing and tuning in and being aware of my own emotions and energy and hers, which has been beautiful. And yeah, I'm creating work and coming into my work as I do some deeper healing around movement, healing, healing arts, creating art from those places with intention and intuition, and just letting that unfold.


A: So, yeah. Wonderful. That all sounds really exciting and I feel like quite relatable in some ways to many people. I I having a child really changes not only your body, but your entire life. You know, and yeah, it's definitely marks a shift in, you know, our body consciousness from maiden to mother, you know, that period of time in our lives where, you know, it's about really about creation, creation of like our lives, and creation creation our children, maybe of more children if we decide to have, you know, multiples, but also a time of creation in yourself of the things that you're here to put out there in the world, right, and some birthing of different projects. That sounds really wonderful. It's a really beautiful place to be right now.


B: Yes, they're, yeah, they're very aware and we have to keep up with that and if there's some work to be done so that we can hold space for them better than that becomes very apparent and movement and tuning into your somatics and energy is a really beautiful way to do that. Awesome.


A: Yes, I agree totally. So, maybe let's go back in time a little bit let's start kind of at the beginning because a lot of people who you know are dancers and word professional dancers they start as children right they start in very early years of their life training and dance as a discipline. So how do you feel that dancing as a discipline, discipline, either created awareness in your body or maybe also potentially created some disconnection.


B: Yes, I started pretty young at age nine. I was dancing all over the place and so my mom put me in dance. And from an early age I can remember the awareness that it brought to my body but also to my surroundings that I was able to continue in my life and it's helped me so much through other work through life. It kind of helps you get into this flow state when you're doing something over and over and you're in this discipline so you become very aware of your body obviously but then you're surrounding so you can keep doing all these things with your body while a lot of other things are happening and when the professional life starts. That really comes into play but I've really seen it in my everyday life while I'm with my kid while I'm doing other jobs it's been it's been a huge benefit for me in that way awareness inside and outside.


A: Yes, well that makes sense because when you're dancing you're dancing in some kind of environment whether it's on a stage or in a line or with other people. And so like you said you have that internal awareness of what your body is doing and where it is and you're creating those like really precise muscular movement patterns right at the same time, you know, you're also paying attention to where your body is in space. So I can definitely see how that would be a really like, yeah, a really fascinating discipline to start in at such an early age and like, it seems to me that once a dancer always a dancer like once you have kind of that awareness it's there with you right.


B: It is. That is a term that we say a lot for different reasons you know but it does stay with you. There's a term called proprioception where you are aware of where other parts of your body is, even if you're not looking at it so there's kind of this like surround sound awareness of yourself. And it also taught me visualization at a pretty young age so that's been helpful in all kinds of ways, so you can imagine but with your body to visualize and then see that come come to a manifested state just by what you started with your mind, and I don't know if everyone else was doing that but I was a lot and it's been very helpful so.


A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, then that I think the was the word for sensing outside your body is extra reception. Okay. Yeah so you got the proprioception which is a great word I love that. Yeah, they love the idea of it being like a surround sound as a, as a, as a comparison there. And the extra reception is like the awareness of things outside your body, the awareness in this sensory feedback that you're getting from your environmental awareness. Yeah. And so so so so so so so so so with the things around you and how it just builds right in this professional way you now have this as like a skill in your body that you tap into. And it's a it's something that you can kind of like return home to. Right. I think for myself, for me it was yoga I started yoga at 19 years old, you know, very seriously in my own way and so for me it was a reference point in my body that I could kind of come back to. Right. Yes.


B: Yes. And then the bread to which I didn't learn till I started yoga a little later. I didn't really learn to access that. But then when I was able to combine that with other types of movement, it's a whole nother game changer breath and movement is worth that so yeah.


A: Yeah, yeah, well then that's kind of it's making a bit of a more full body experience it's getting more linked in with your nervous system or having like some conscious control over what's happening in your nervous system through, you know, having some breath control right by by bringing in conscious breath I think that's beautiful. The other piece that you just spoke to which I think is really fun is that the visualization piece and you know I think it's cool that you were doing that you think you're kind of doing that naturally like that's just how you would figure out how to do things was by visualizing yourself doing them or were you actually taught to do that as a way to learn dance moves.


B: I remember a ballet teacher, giving us some visualization cues for balance, like being rooted and feeling the different textures textures of our movement, whether you know it was a steel rod going into the ground or we're pushing through molasses or you know and all these different textures. But then when it came to performance people would practice and practice and practice and I found that that would make me overthink a lot, and I, I would prefer to get into the visualization of feeling, and that kind of served me a little bit better.


A: That's really awesome because what we do when we're visualizing anything and it could be, you know, something kind of this descriptive kind of like the moving through molasses or something right, or, or any of these like evocative kind of sensuous terms that we might use to figure out how that movement might feel or be experienced by our bodies. Part of what our brain does when we visualize a movement is it uses the neurons that we're going to use for that movement already get like fired, basically. So even though you're not moving if you visualize yourself doing something and they were to put like little electrodes on you to measure like the electrical energy in your muscles, your brain would already be firing to those muscles to like create the motor plan is what they call it a motor plan to do that action to do that. That thing. So, literally very effective. And And you think about that like you kind of touched on this a little bit like if we want to manifest something in our lives. If you know if we want to, you know, give some kind of incredible performance if we can like visualize ourselves, speaking or dancing or, you know, doing something right that we're going to do during that performance, and we can imagine ourselves doing it. We already create like the internal plan of how that's going to be done within our system. Right.


B: That's so fascinating and then attaching that to the sense the sensing and the feeling of it right or allowing that to flow with it right.


A: Yes, well because it's part of it right like it's the same way like even if you know, I don't know, like we take something terrible like watching a horror movie, and something happens to the person on the screen and you jump in your body like recoils. It's a similar kind of thing you know that's like more of a can maybe like a gross example but like in a more delicate way if you just were to like imagine yourself doing something like you would already start to create expectations around like what that would be like for you. Right. At that moment in time, there might be like emotions or feelings that come up around whatever it is that you're imagining. Right. Yeah, positive or negative and so it's a really beautiful tool visualizing to be able to actually bring whatever is in your, you know, mind or your, your hopes, your dreams, your experiences that you want to have bring them into your physical body through a visualization technique.


B: Right, right. And then practicing from there kind of served me more than going physical physical messing up physical you know what I mean. I was like, can I do this part first with like without all the physical full out, you you it we call it marking and dance when you do things without full full exertion, but you're, you're getting the musicality and you're getting all the feeling and everything and then practice all the things over and over you


A: know, then get more precise from kind of that space of being tuned into kind of the foundational pieces.


B: That wasn't always a lot like in the professional world that's not something that they want. Usually you just rehearse a million times but when I get the creative control I try to do that kind of way.


A: Nice, nice. Yeah, I can understand if they're trying to just really, you know, be a streamlined as possible they might kind of feel like it's not necessary or something. Yes, but I think it I think it sounds really nice I like to take it slow I like to kind of build things piece by piece and you know if you were doing dance not just as like an objective to like get a thing done but more as like a creative process, then that would probably be really essential I would think. Yes, I love that. Awesome. So what are some of the blessings and challenges that you found in being a dancer like what are some of the things that come up in your experience.


B: Yeah, I'm the I mean the gifts and the blessings I kind of spoke to like the awareness and how that comes up in other other places in my life inside and outside and getting into that flow state and like you said it's a it's a baseline that I can that I can go to. I remember cocktailing in Hawaii and I would just get into this super flow state and everything was very like almost martial arts and I could you know the timing of everything just seemed like was flowing with me and I was like this is what I use this is what dance taught me. Yeah, some of these heightened emotion being able to express very heightened emotion. Being able to move energy. Those are huge blessings and to tap into just such a full spectrum of ups and downs with emotion and just with pure energy when you feel the audience and you're performing something with. I don't know with a lot of people and with a really heightened energy it's a feeling like no other for sure. So it's given me a lot of experiences like that. What else what else just be a being able to move your, your body and access your own to tune into yourself for a living is really cool and what you have to do in order to keep that going is basically take care of yourself. And we don't always do that so getting to the other side. It comes with kind of a rock star lifestyle depending on what you're doing within it. So, finding that balance, you know, of enjoying it as well as working on your instrument and taking care of yourself so. But yeah there's there was blessings and in all of those things, whether they were a little crazy or not. I had a lot of fun and I had a lot of lessons.


A: Right, right, right. Well I think that that's probably, you you your craft is going to be impacted pretty directly if you have too many sleepless nights or too many days where you're not taking care of yourself, right like it's going to show up in like your, your level of like, yeah, your your of energy to actually execute the performance right you can't, can't be hung over too many days in a row.


B: So it also teaches you to find it that's like a dance term where you take all of the reasons and circumstances out of the mix and you just snap into it. So I've used that in life before where it's like okay this is all in your mind. And this is we're going to get there we're going to do it doesn't matter if you didn't sleep very much you're here. It's and it works. But eventually my life is a lot different these days.


A: Right, right. Yes, sometimes those things take, you you it's easier to do them when we're younger, when we're young and we're fresh and we're 23 years old or something like that. And the the nights and the, you know, the alcohol doesn't quite feel the same way as it does when you're like 34. Of course.


B: And then just some other challenges which we don't have to get too far into that and now where I am I have realized that it was so many other things, but I did get into having some eating disorders when I was a teenager. And I did have some memories of triggering times that I feel like added to it definitely did not completely create it. But there, I think body awareness is beautiful but body obsession body comparison and looking at it from the physical instead of all the other things that can be coming into play the stress of it the shame, you know, the emotions behind it and then obviously other physiological things that could be going on. It can be challenging in that profession for sure and when you're young.


A: Yeah, yeah, I think that's what you said is really astute in terms of sometimes you know these troubling experiences, like, they're, they themselves didn't create like the pain the pain was already there, but they just kind of re injured the wound so to speak right. Right. And And you find that on a physical level, did you were you, I don't know exactly what kind of dance you were doing professionally but did you ever acquire like injuries from dance.


B: I did. Yeah. Yeah. Which is another interesting things. You're talking about we're talking about somatics and when we, when we start started noticing body sensations and things. And the last big show I was in I tore both my hips so I have labral tears which is very common in dancers and you know it's depending on the way that the shape of your hips if you're doing a lot of extension and a lot of kicks and a lot of over over doing one movement over and over the wear and tear on your joints can be pretty aggressive. But I always had hip pain, and it felt emotional and I remember feeling or noticing having the awareness of this feeling emotional rather than just physical pain, when I was probably like 1011 years old. And we'd have to sit in our splits and the only way I could sit for the three to five minutes was letting tears out. And it didn't feel like a muscle pain because I knew what that felt like by doing jumps over and over that's a burn, you know, doing certain things where you're overstretched it felt emotional and I felt it in my stomach and the only way I could get through it was letting the tears out and then I would be I would feel better. So it's like those injuries happen, but it's all related to emotional things metaphysical reasons or something right.


A: Right, right, well it's not like one before the other they're always together simultaneously, whether or not we're aware of all those layers at once is another story, you know, so there may have been like, you know, there may have been some kind of like stretching if you're doing the splits, you know, for three to five minutes there was probably some kind of stretching sensation going on. But the piece that you were tuned into was like the emotions that were stored in that area of your body, right. Right. And if if if next to you could have had a totally different experience, because they have a different nervous system configuration they have different memories they have a different way of storing their experiences right. So, certainly there's plenty of people listening who might really feel like resonant with like, Oh yeah I hold, you know, emotions in my hips, you know, but somebody else you know and I know this from working with so many different types of bodies. They don't hold it there they hold it in their neck, they hold it in their jaw they hold it in their hands you know what I mean like, it's so fascinating the just different ways that our body keeps information and stores information. And it sounds like you had an experience of those layers of your consciousness of your body consciousness at an early age when did you discover somatics when did you discover kind of that there were there were terms and there were people talking about this.


B: Honestly, the actual words somatics and not until the last like, like three years, but I've always referred to it in different ways I've called it, you know, energy or moving energy and it's helped me. I've always looked at like by self healing with the eating disorders and other other things in my life I've always looked at it in all the other all the areas physical mental emotional metaphysical, and that's just what made sense to me. But it wasn't it hasn't been until recently that I really realized what I was doing and started to research and listen to more around somatics and embodiment and trauma release and emotional release and all of those things been very drawn to that but recently I've been seeing oh this is what it is like this is a lot of people are doing this and kind of putting the language to it.


A: That's exciting isn't it when you realize that there's actual conversations that are being had about these things and really you know knowledgeable people out there that are doing I mean I just as part of why I created this podcast because years ago like I didn't really know what somatic or somatics meant at all. You know, but I was in it I was like doing the things just like you were you know we're doing this having this human experience and our bodies and going through these processes and, you know, kind of picking different words and verbiage to try to explain this ineffable experience. You know, and then I just kind of wish that I had stumbled upon a podcast like this or that I had been part of conversations like this, you know, back then because it would have just, I don't know, saved me a bit of time and made it a bit more streamlined for me to actually just, you know, talk to people about what it was that was going on with me talk to people about like what some of my passions were right to have like the terms, you know, and the words and the language to share it.


B: Right. And you probably know from from experiencing so much yoga starting very young. I used to ask people like are you guys getting like memories and insight and different emotions coming up once you really tune in when you're in practice I'm like I'm going on many journeys in here you know, and I didn't experience that so much in dance until till now I've been having doing more intuitive and intentional movement. But in dance, I wasn't feeling that so much and when I started doing yoga and I was like this is different like all this stuff is happening and it's like this stuff is in my body and it's coming up, you know, and it's also a way way tune in and connect to your guidance system and to what are, whatever else you believe in. So, but everyone, I didn't have anyone that was giving me any feedback on that I was like, okay, it's just me.


A: Yeah, I know it's not at all but yeah, I think it depends on like the yoga teacher the yoga studio the yoga culture that you're in some of them are going to be like more aware of those kind of things or at least more like, you know, I guess open to discussing them or like, you know, entertaining them than others. I know we have in many ways we have kind of like a yoga as exercise model that sometimes goes on in like this country and, you know, in other countries too but and it's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just that sometimes when it's done that way or when that's the focus, you can kind of like not feel like there's space for those sort of philosophical or spiritual or internal experiences to be like shared and expressed and acknowledged without kind of seeming like a little bit like odd or something. Right. Right. Right. Like, but yeah, I think that with with my yoga practice it always from the start from what I started with. It was always kind of, in many ways kind of psychedelic, because I was doing hot yoga. And that was the go guy started with and that was like very, very intense, you know, that was like the most intense thing that at that point in my life I had done with my body was just even to endure like that heat, you know, for like that period of time. And of course brought bringing up all kinds of different emotional states just from the, you know, being in a really, really hot environment like that does, you know, like it's like a, what is it called sweat lodge, or things that have those kind of intentionally like, I'm thinking of the word, like, like it's an extractive process like you're extracting something from your, from your body through the heat. Yes. Yes. Love that. So let's go go kind of deeper into the movement idea and intuitive movement because certainly like yoga and dance and all these different kinds of movement can be done intuitively and can also be done, you know, a bit more mechanically. And what would you how would you define intuitive movement what is intuitive movement mean to you.


B: Well, when I first read that question, I read intentional. So So kind of touching on both and they kind of weave into each other intentional movement and intuitive movement. intentional because I thought that was the question, I started to feel into putting intention to movement and I realized that I really loved to do that, my whole profession. And if I wasn't able to access that, I didn't enjoy it as much. By setting an intention of your kind of story and and I feel like by doing that which crosses into intuitive movement, we're tapping into our energy. So it's not just our body doing this anymore. It's our energy and I've always thought it'd be so fascinating to be able to see what our energy is really doing when we're really in the emotions and in the intention of movement. They have that curly in photography that captures like electromagnetic. I'm like, I don't know if they have that people size in motion, but we'll see maybe Sunday. But the intuitive movement. I found, you know, sometimes we have an injury or we have something that's bothering us and maybe we can't get to a massage therapist or we need it, we can tune into ourself. You know what I mean and just let the let some music go and instead of thinking about doing an exercise or doing a movement we let our body talk and let our body start to initiate. And from there, I have found things like different mudras or feel like I need to put my hands in certain places or you start doing certain kinds of breath and our body leads us to what it's trying to tell us and when we communicate with that we can get a lot of guidance we can get a lot of healing we can get a lot done there and it's it's coming from a different place than what the dance looks like it's allowing our body to move us. And work with it work with the energy. Beautiful.


A: Do you feel like what are some of the things people can do to start getting into this kind of space internally in themselves like if somebody's like I want to try intuitive movement how do I do that like what would you what would you prescribe maybe putting on some music you mentioned.


B: Yeah, and definitely just starting with some breath because you want to get out of the mind, and you want to, by just focusing on the breath and starting with some more intentional breath, you're going to shut that off a little bit more and you're going to start getting into the body and when we take deeper breaths and even do some breath holes. We can notice where that breath is kind of in a direct us to maybe where there is a little stuck energy. I like going on the floor, because it's a lot easier to just allow things to initiate from a supported place than standing I think sometimes that can be awkward when we're getting started and close your eyes and just kind of let it take over and try to go into the internal landscape. And play with different kinds of music if there's percussion or just different sounds. Also, lyrics like if you're trying to, if you're in an emotional state, then I think some music there's nothing better than, than playing music that meets you with that emotion. And just, yeah, just go with the feeling more than than what it looks like.


A: Right, right. I think it's a private activity for most people because a lot of us maybe in the beginning will feel self conscious, you know, moving in whatever way our body is asking for with somebody else's eyes on us unless you know it's somebody who's like facilitating or unless we're in an environment, you know where we feel like incredibly safe I think a lot of people, you know, they just they need that kind of like private alone time I mean to at least start this journey of it, you know, once you're in a in a in Once you feel like you know how to access that place within yourself. You know, you can probably do it with like your kid around or with your husband around or something right or your, your friends or something but like until then it's kind of a private activity it's kind of special in that way.


B: I, yes, I agree. I think that you can get into kind of intuitive, trans like state with with others too but I do, I get more guidance when I'm by myself, no matter what. And just going, going in more like a ritual.


A: Yeah, yeah, and it's interesting too because I think that energetically kind of what I what I imagine as you're describing is that when we start to tune into our sensations and feel into what our body is asking us for. Right, and then we give it, we give it movement we give it structure. That's actually kind of moving our own self energy around inside our bodies and this really powerful way we're kind of like really tapping into our own aura. And I think that that experience is so fortifying for our own energies. And so if we have jobs or relationships or situations in our lives where we're, you know, using a lot of our energy to help others or, you know, kind of getting drained from, you know, the things that are required of us like how how nourishing what you're describing is to like, just come back into our own energy and this really like peaceful way. Right.


B: And another element that I found helpful that I didn't really learn until I had my daughter was, once we have those feelings and sometimes we sometimes we aren't able to do the exercise or the movement that the energy is asking for go for a run or, you know, depending on the intensity of or what it really needs, going in words still having that intention but just naming it. And at first I was like that's going to do anything you know I was like I was a little skeptical, but with the breath and movement, or even without just going in and noticing and acknowledging sometimes the energy moves just from that. And that's something I'm still learning about but I've, I've definitely benefited from that and it does happen.


A: Yeah, yeah, and it and it shifts all these other kinds of mental emotional things that we sometimes think we have to figure out with our conscious mind. If we just you know, I, when I work with people and we're doing the Hannah somatic movement together they'll come in with all these different things that they're worried about or frustrated about or things that are going on in their lives they don't feel like they have any control over they don't know what to do. And we'll just we'll spend the next, you know, 20 minutes to an hour doing movement, and they will get down regulated they will get like, you know, into their bodies into their own energy. And it's not as if by the end of the session we've solved any of the, the problems that you know they arrived with but the problems feel different. Now that they're in a different state. Right.


B: What is that called Hannah somatic.


A: Yeah, yeah, that's the modality that I am specifically trained in is Hannah somatics, and it's all about retraining muscles to hold differently internally through movement. Wow, amazing. I'd love to share it with you sometime it's it's really cool. Definitely. But yeah, you know, that's, it's kind of, I feel like, you know, most somatic practices very similar in terms of, we're not trying to solve a challenge or an issue through thinking, or saying, we're allowing the, our body to actually process whatever experience is going on, so that the solution to the problem or the challenge itself is perceived differently by us by the end of the, by the end of the session by the end of the time that you spend doing this. Right.


B: Right. That that brings me to another thing that I kind of like self learned but it's related to that how after just a little tuning in. You're just, you're going to be able to address it in a different way, obviously, I think some, some time I was kind of like, well if I'm just going to be and I'm not going to solve these problems like that what what's going to happen. But I've noticed like days where I'm like, I need to take the first half of the day and rest, you know, and that might just be playing with my daughter, but I'm going to listen to my body or else I could feel a burnout coming on or whatever those days I end up getting a lot of things done. It's just later, you know, and you're coming from a different place, so I think trusting that is so important and it's really difficult sometimes but


A: it is really difficult because it kind of pushes against the, you know, the structures that we've been brought up in about productivity, you know, about getting things done in a timely manner, you know, and oftentimes the biggest pressure that we're putting, you know, is on ourselves. Right. You know, and, and yeah, and that's a that's a journey for me to I mean, I find that if I really want to like be able to get a bunch of things done in a day. What I seem to need is like two days in a row of really good sleep. And by the second day of like really good sleep like I went to bed at 930, you know, I wake up totally energized and ready to do all of the things, you know, and so now it's just the practice of how do I get that really good sleep like more often than not, you know what I mean how do I just make that like my routine and it's and it's still something I'm working on. Right. Yeah, totally. So, getting back to the, the benefits of developing this body awareness that you obviously have been cultivating in yourself for a long time, and you're still developing you're still, you know, discovering all things inside your body. You know, what is, we've talked a little bit about the benefit to it but what do you think is really like the gift of having this body awareness in yourself what what do you experience on a daily basis that you're like, Oh, wow, like this is this is the fruits of my labor.


B: I'm definitely in in the process of it right now. There have been other gifts for sure just you know the awareness and lots of other things but the the energetics of processing things that have not been processed that have been unconscious. And instead of going after or getting something I am wanting to what is in the way of me receiving it. And helping my daughter is bringing that up in me and I'm helping her so emotional awareness processing energy. Seeing what they're tapping into intuition, trusting that and living from that. All still a daily, daily thing in process but.


A: Yeah, but those are incredible gifts those are absolutely wonderful and it's sometimes hard to recognize them when we're in it. You know, and I adventure to say, you know, as someone who's been doing this for a while as well like we're always kind of in it. And it's only those moments when we can kind of like take a meta and like step back and like see, like, Oh, wow, like I really am processing this experience this emotion that, you know, triggered me this thing that happened, you know, in my life, whether it was like a big thing or a little thing. I'm dealing with this a bit more efficiently than I was four years ago. I'm dealing with this a bit more like with a little bit more clarity and more streamlined and it's a little bit easier to move through this challenging space than it was five years ago or 10 years ago. Like, sometimes because we're still having those frustrations or those triggers or those experiences come up, we can feel like we're still doing the same thing that we've been always been doing, but it's actually a little bit different with each, you know, with each time with each moment. Right. Right..


B: And then also just the joy of accessing that flow state, there's not really much else that that brings me that level of joy. And I'm reconnecting with it now. I haven't been on the stage for a while, but it's still in my life in a way that I know if there if I'm out of my heart, I need, I need some music and some movement and some tuning in and some nurturing. And it gives me that so. Beautiful.


A: Yes, the flow state is an amazing place to bring yourself back into when we step out of the rhythm, you know, it's, it's so in so many ways I feel like it is our natural state that we, that we forget at times. Yes, yes, yes. And then when you think about the experiences, some of what you just described where you kind of became aware of the memories and the feelings that were being held inside your body and you kind of more actively started diving into this, you know, like you said, three years ago kind of discovered the word somatics and then, you know, stepped more deeply into this, and I guess, realm of study. What, what are some of the things that came up that feel like uncomfortable what were some of the things that were confronting about kind of this opening up this Pandora's box.


B: Yeah. I was a, and I still, I still get a little frustrated, because I feel like different energy calls for different things. Different. Sometimes it is just an awareness sometimes it's an acknowledgement. Sometimes it's a little more stubborn. And sometimes we could use the support of someone else. So that can be a little discouraging and it has been when there's repetitive, stuck energy and being patient with ourselves and really learning not to judge and shame and more difficult emotions are more difficult. When we start to get into them and how to hold them and love ourselves through it is, it's tough. It's tough.


A: Well, it's just kind of like, I guess, mastery that most of us didn't have modeled for us by anybody. Right. It wasn't necessarily, you know, like, you know, bless my parents but at the time that I was growing up they weren't modeling, like how to move through emotions, like shamelessly. It was like if you had a feeling and it was unpleasant there was like a judgment there about it. Right and to fix it. Yes, and to fix it and make it better as quickly as possible rather than whatever time it was going to take for me as a child or me as a person to go through that experience whatever it was. Right.


B: Yes, so I'm, I'm still like having to be very aware of that to not go into an autopilot when I'm triggered with my daughter and with things coming up with me. To allow it to take its full process and its full flow, not meaning that we can't use tools and we can't, you know, create environments that help that and also holding space for her, but not fixing it, you know, just letting her know that all feelings are feelings. It's not good or bad and I'm definitely still learning that right now but I felt the layers continue to peel off as I need it in that kind of way.


A: Yes, you know, and sometimes we have more capacity than others for, you know, this level of awareness and patience, you know, like there are certainly times where like my nervous system is just fried, you know, for whatever reason, like I've just been doing a lot I've been like I'm tired and hungry whatever it is. And my son is like screaming and he's dysregulated and I'm just like, please be quiet like anything I will just give you the thing the object like I just need you to not be screaming right now. Right. You know, there are times when I'm much better at holding space for that experience and being like a loving guide to him, you know, even in my like, you know, in capacities at some time to like to do that to be this ideal parent that I want to be like I can't even in that I can like forgive myself I can like move forward I can just acknowledge you know, okay, that wasn't ideal but after I get a little bit of sleep. You know, a little bit of food, I can, you know, go back and like we can, we can make it a little bit more. I don't know, ideal or something we can like fix it up and make it a little bit less. I don't know, challenged or difficult or scary or whatever it felt like in the moment you know whatever judgment or fear I was having in the moment of just going through the motions and doing you know what's really natural for all parents to do which is like, my kid is screaming how do I make this stop.


B: Comfort, fix, you know, and yeah, definitely learning the different tools for that. One, another uncomfortable thing that I've, I feel like I'm, I've acquired more patience and tools and love for is I had a lot of rage, a lot of rage, and I was like I'm dancing this energy out, you know, and I and I was and it would help because I could just give a lot more energy that night and just really move through this movement. And if I was feeling this, but it kept coming up, you know, and then after I wasn't dancing as much and I had my daughter there and I was like, you know, when, when I'm triggered, she's feeling it and she needs me and I'm you know, at the same time, and I'm sure that's obvious to some people but for a second I was like how's this going to work. So, I started finding other tools to, you know, sit with the energy but then really move it through. And like pillow screams, hand screams, you know, during doing certain kind of breathing where she sees me do those things or she sees me cry a little but it's in a, I'm feeling emotions I'm sharing that with her that I'm feeling these emotions and mama's just working through these emotions. But the pillow screams and the hand screams is amazing. I mean I cleared so much energy while acknowledging it. So those are those have been great, but it was very uncomfortable until I got some, some ways to sit with that and process and and release.


A: Yes, a rage is, rage is very uncomfortable for a lot of people and so many of us are holding it, you know, and it turns into passive aggressive language or like these little microaggressions or just, you know, ways that we're holding ourselves in the world, if we don't find some way to move it through and like I certainly relate, you know, so deeply to what you're doing or just, you know, you said putting that energy into your dance. At the same time, like the, the anger for me often needs like a voice, right, I need to say something like that's where I hold it like a hold it like in my throat, you know, and so like, it's been so helpful to have, you know, friends, coaches, people who I can talk to or who I can like leave a voice message for where I can just like, say whatever it is that's on my mind that I need to say, you know, because, yeah, like our words can take a lot of shape and form and power, you know, when we really feel like expressed when we're really expressing from those, those emotions. And those are things that you don't always want to say to like your partner, you know, but you can say them to like a friend, or a confidant, you know, or a coach who like knows that you're just off letting some steam.


B: Yes, and you feel that you feel the energy and emotions around that just dissipate when it lands to the right kind of person.


A: Exactly when you're not met with, you know, so what I'm looking for, where someone is defensive when you're not met with defenses when you're just met with like total affirmation and acceptance of where you're at right now. Right. You know, feelings that you're having and that that's okay for you to have them you're totally allowed to have them. That kind of like space of permission for me is just so awesome and delightful. And I just wish that like every human had like a safe space like that to just say how they feel, you know, and for it to be like okay for them to feel that way, you know, yes. Yes. Yes. Well, thank you. Those, those things are really uncomfortable, especially when it comes to, you know, being around our children and being mothers, you know, like I certainly don't want to become like a mother who's like screaming at my kid. Have I screamed at my kid. Absolutely that has happened. And then I usually tell him, you know, I'm sorry, mama was angry. She got upset. And, you know, that's, I know I don't want to be yelling at you and you don't like being yelled at it's unfortunate, but I lost my temper and this happens right and give him the opportunity to, you know, forgive me and for me to forgive myself, you know, and just notice if I can catch, you know, my feelings a little bit sooner next time, maybe.


B: Yeah, but yeah, the reactions are going to happen sometimes they just are we're human. Right. Yeah. Beautiful. Well, this has been such a lovely conversation I'd love to hear just a little bit if you're if you're open to sharing about some of the things that you're in, you're creating like some some of the ideas that you have for how to bring all of this wisdom that you've been cultivating into like some kind of form. Maybe you're just dreaming right now or maybe you have some inklings.


B: Yeah, definitely I've been writing I've always written a lot. I did a couple workshops with intentional writing and intentional movement. That's something I go, I think goes really well together. I'm going to go back to all my notes the last three years has been like my cocoon. So as I get clear on that I'll share what it will pertain but I just want to help people move through maybe some blocks as well as just coming into a more empowered version of themself. You know really being able to work through the things that have hindered them from speaking their purpose and gifts into the world. So we'll see how that turns out it's in creative process right now.


A: Yeah, well that sounds beautiful and I think working with people on a somatic body level is just so effective way to achieve the things that you just spoke to about authenticity and about like really speaking out their their truth or getting in touch with their power. It's in our bodies and when we can drop into that it's like wow like if your body can be on board with your vision and your creative goals you can like actually be like a loving partner to your body in that process. Like it's a recipe for something unstoppable. Yes, yes, yes. Beautiful. Thank you so much for being on the podcast for being open to this I know when we first, you know when I first reached out to you and invited you you know you weren't sure because you feel like you're in in process right now.


B: Like I said that word several times today but then.


A: Yeah, but it's good to share even in process and maybe we'll catch up with you a different time as you know things are moving along and developing and yeah I'd love to check in with you again. I would love that. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. Hello everyone. I'm Amy Tecaya and I have an exciting announcement at the end of September I will be hosting my first full length retreat somatic awakening will take place in the San Gabriel mountains. This three day transformational experience will include hanosomatic movement hands on somatic body work by my father William Davis, my cousin Seiji Oshenza and myself. We will also explore somatic yoga and moodra practice as well as an end of the day sound healing to deepen your calm and release. Only nine spaces are available for full time participants. Day passes will be available for the Saturday activities. Right now you can get $200 off the full price of the retreat. So if you're feeling called into freedom and ease of movement, a peaceful relaxed nervous system, delicious plant based meals and a fresh and enlivened way of being go to free your soma.com and hold your space. Payment plans are available by request and feel free to reach out to me with questions or comments at free your soma at gmail.com. Thanks again for listening and supporting this self healing revolution.


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