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EP 23 - Transforming Childhood Conflict With Laurel Pear

At the age of 30, Laurel Pear made a bold move to free herself and begin redefining herself.

After over a decade of being over-medicated and labeled by the her family and the medical field, she began to embrace her true self and her gifts. She began a path of self-healing, forgiveness and grounding into her physical body.

I’ve been lucky enough to work with Laurel somatically in my program last year and she shares her many insights as it relates to:

-how somatics has helped her BE in her body.

-forgiveness as a personal practice that leads to liberation

-what she really needed, instead of heavy medication

-her experience in energy healing -the way being a Human Design Projector impacts her life

and so much more!

Connect with Laurel on instagram @laurelpear to learn more about Ho’oponopono practice and her unique transmission.

Experience the Text as You Listen

Every day there is a forgetting and every moment there is the possibility of remembering. Remembering who you truly are, awakening to your body, to the inner world and experience of being alive. Here is where you find the beauty, the joy. Today here is where you free your soma. Hello and welcome to Free Your Soma, Stories of Somatic Awakening and How to Live. Today I have conflict resolution coach and whole upon upon practitioner Laurel Pear with me today. I am so excited to talk to her. I spent a lot of time together last year. I have been so inspired by her work, her message and her strength of being as a human. She has gone through a lot which we are going to talk about today. She helps people learn to heal conflict within their relationships and family systems which is a really important powerful thing to be doing in this world. Thank you so much for being with me today Laurel.

Thank you Amy. That was a beautiful introduction. I am going to remember this and rewatch this and write it down again. There you go.

These experiences help you get more clear. Every time you talk about what you do, every time you share, you get more clear on what it is that is inside of you that is ready to come out. Yeah, absolutely. Cool. Maybe give our listeners a little orientation to maybe where your big focus on healing and a healing especially in relationships comes from. Where does that stem from in you?

It really stems from my inner child and just the wounds that I think we all carry to a degree of rejection and feeling not seen, not heard and not understood which when you are growing up, those wounds can feel like there is nothing else in the world that exists other than your wounds. I can tell that I have healed a lot just over the last few years from how I feel in my relationship to my relationships. I am able to see it in a way where I am not as angry. I am not repressing or suppressing myself. I am not blaming anyone. I am finding that middle ground which has helped me with so much because I would say a huge theme in my life is going from disconnection to connection because I want to feel more connected with people in a way that is not terrifying. To be able to do that, I do have to be connected to myself in a way that is not terrifying.

That is so well said. Yes, I love how you said the relationship to your relationships. It seems like meta but that encapsulates it so well because we have our relationships and then we have the ways that we are unconscious to our relationship to them. How we are actually judging and assessing or interacting in the relationship. When we can become more aware of that dynamic of how we are relating to our relationships, that is huge. Tell us a little bit more about that process for you. Did you have a lot of conflict in your home growing up?

Yes, I grew up in a lot of conflict. I think that it has only been in my 30s that I have been learning more to see myself through a more true narrative of who I actually am and what I am capable of. I would say a lot of the conflict that I went through, again, I feel like it is actually really normal. It is just not really talked about maybe. Not everybody is born into super chaotic environments either. My situation was I was born into a really, really chaotic environment and I know just from doing my own deep dive of what happened. I did not have the space to develop how some people would or you are supposed to when you are little during certain time periods of your life. You are really supposed to have that space to form your identity as separate than your parents and separate from your environment. I would say I am learning some things in my 30s that I was definitely ideally. I think this is again really normal. Ideally I was supposed to learn that when I was younger and I would have had an easier time at school and growing up and moving around and things like that where I could be like understand myself a little bit better separate than other people especially because I am so different from my family. The conflict that they dealt with and went through again is really relatable and stuff but the way that we would go about it is not maybe necessarily the same and then to the degree that we feel things I don't think is the same at all. I think I am a lot more sensitive than my family and being able to learn about myself separate than them has really helped me a lot. It has made me feel less crazy. It has made me feel more like myself and a human and able to see them in a more compassionate way as well as separate than me that I don't have to be in a way that I don't want to be in if I don't have to if that makes sense. I think it's a lot. I've thought about it a lot.

I think that we are born into whatever family we are born into and then whatever genetic history that they have and then we have but that each one of us is an individual and it sounds like you have certain ways of experiencing the world that are radically different than maybe other members of your family and being in this chaotic environment it would put you in the position to I guess you could say have a lot of disruption to your natural rhythms and those things that you are talking about where we get to have a differentiation between ourselves and our environment and a differentiation between ourselves and our caregivers and we get to develop that sense of identity. A lot of people would say that that starts in our teenhood but I think you're right it actually starts much earlier in small children at least if we allow it to because a lot of people in former generations were born under this kind of mentality of control your kid and now we're stepping out of that some of us are stepping out of that into a more I guess you could say compassionate and supportive approach to child rearing where it's not about punishment it's not about controlling what your kid does it's about supporting them in their learning and understanding that they are developing and learning and I know you've worked a lot in child development you were an assistant teacher when I started working with you last year something like that right but maybe you can speak to that because you have a lot of experience with kids.

Yeah absolutely that's been like my safety zone is working with children because when I was 12 my youngest brother was born and I was like oh this is a natural ability and skill that I have to just nurture and care take but it was also really smart move for me to make at the time because it was a way for me to belong in my family in a way where you know everyone's like oh like she's so amazing you know like she's so good at this because I did work in child care for like 16 years and it's not it's not it's something that I am passionate about but like I I kind of had a pattern of like care taking and care taking care taking instead of taking the time to be like who is Laurel what does Laurel want to do and and things like that so I'm still like I guess trying to balance all those things out because I just get it I feel like big emotions don't scare me because I feel big and I do think that there is a stereotype that's where learning is really dangerous that um you know your child being different than you or acting out you know or having big emotions or something like that are unregulated or dysregulated those aren't behavioral issues you know what I mean and I think that there's a slippery slope sometimes with um dealing with like diagnoses and dealing with like kind of more of the authoritarian like control you know like control that isn't um connected is very dysfunctional because a lot of times it's coming from a place of fear it's coming from a place that this will reflect back bad on me if somebody's like oh my gosh your kids like this or whatever they're gonna I'm gonna get in trouble like it's it's something like that you know it's not even coming from a place where it's like oh that kid's bad or whatever but you don't you don't like for me like how people were with me was so severe to what I actually needed and I don't think they realized because I mean obviously they didn't because they didn't know how empathic I was we didn't have they didn't know about HD they didn't know about all these things that I am now learning about that's now becoming the norm and stuff that kids aren't gonna have to deal with as much because you know we're evolving with information as well as technology and stuff but you know and human beings are like oh okay yeah we don't like it's not really a good idea to um like give someone too much of a hard time you got to give them space to like work it out so that they can develop those skills and that they can like learn how to be safe in their bodies without somebody trying to like control them or whatever like it's like not okay or something when it's like a natural completely natural thing that's happening and it doesn't have to be scarier that big of a deal but it's like this disconnect sometimes where you know we can be seeing the same situation happening and have very different ideas of what is actually happening in the moment and so then what what we decide to do can be totally different however we could potentially ruin that kid's life for a little bit what we actually do because it's very serious like it actually is so

yeah children have sensitive nervous systems and you know sensitive bodies like literally their little bodies are sensitive and so you know I mean I have memories of like you know grown men or grown adults yelling at me you know with the full force of their voice when I'm like a little kid like that's a literally scary terrifying experience you know and he has a small child and I think that we haven't really like sometimes registered that and certainly parenting is hard like I'm a parent now and like you know going through this kind of process of it's funny when you're a parent you start to heal kind of your own issues you went through because now you're in the position to actually be the person in charge and and try to guide and direct and like help your kid and there are like patterns in me from how I was treated that show up and emerge sometimes you know and then I have to check myself and I have to go wait a minute that was how was that for me when I was a little kid you know how was that for me to be punished when I did something or made a mess or whatever you know like you know and how would I really have needed my parent to respond to me and so there's a whole learning process and you know it can be really tough when you start to realize these things as an adult and then you want to talk to your parents about it you want them to like have grown up too because you're you're growing up right and you want them to have grown up too and then you talk to them about some of these things and they haven't they're like still stuck in their beliefs their attitudes their way of functioning and then suddenly it feels like you're caught up in the whole dynamic once again of not being seen and heard of not being acknowledged of not being recognized for like who you really are and I know that that's been a theme for you and you've you've found some really amazing tools for how to handle that.

Yeah I mean I'm working on it for sure because it's like of course I'm not perfect it's so easy yeah to go into like those control patterns that I think we all and neatly have or we're like oh I just need to like make this stop and I think I know that I feel I guess like also I always want to be coming back to like that understanding of how we're all different from each other because I know I've had really big expectations of my parents too that aren't maybe necessarily in their wheelhouse naturally where emotions for me are like I feel everything like emotions for me is like I really like you know I'm pretty advanced I guess with emotions in comparison to maybe how some of the older generations are with them and I don't think that that's good or bad I just think that that's a difference that I haven't fully understood about myself and and why we're different and what makes us different is that I can sit down and not always I can't like perfectly always identify the emotions that I'm feeling or what I what I'm feeling or what's playing out in me but I think I can do it a lot better than some other people can and it's just a skill set that's different and so I have been like what are you guys so bad at this you know instead of just like you know we're all we're all just different because it's very easy when you're talking about yeah things that went wrong we're like they know that but they don't understand on the level that I do so then they just feel criticized and I'm just like I don't know so then it's like yeah you just keep going and you keep focusing on yourself and doing your best and then hoping that it all kind of works itself out you know at overtime since this is lifelong

right and they know the kind of resolution that you can find with a family member you know I know from in my family you know there are family members that you know passed away or died before people got to have like resolution with them but the thing is is that there's still an energy of that person that person's energy didn't disappear from this like universe right so I've actually known you know my mother in particular was able to find peace with you know a member of her family who had died and she found peace after they had died she did that work internally inside herself to find that peace because that's really where ultimately the the forgiveness and the change and the transformation takes places inside of us no matter how much we want you know and how much it's nice to get that feedback and that you know interaction from the outside we can do this work within ourselves and feel the same kind of relief right

absolutely I think giving myself the understanding that I like crave has showed me that myself that I don't need other people to understand me if maybe they can't because it's so like we're just so different and also to have to go back and and like be like every little place where they did it wrong and it could have been this is like not realistic but that I can feel that way in myself and absolutely and that's what's so cool is like you can be independent and connected and I think that's where safety comes in when you've been in relationships that haven't felt safe that you're like oh I'm my own person so I can like learn learn how to do that and then kind of like try this again you know

yeah well and you went through what you would be describing before you went through a lot of people kind of telling you how you are how you just defining you for you and so then now you've been going through this process of actually being able to define and understand yourself but that's been something that you said has only been happening in your 30s during the rest of your life like what do you think were the things that were kind of in the way of you actually being able to feel into your body and understand yourself internally what was in the way of that

well as you know I spent 16 years of my life over medicated and like I say over medicated because I was on 950 milligrams of extended release lithium for example god that's crazy yeah right so in my case again it's like this theme of dealing with people who maybe had intentions of trying to be helpful but where it was just taken way too far where then it's like you know dulling you down and dumbing you down in a way that it's like not really helpful and I think a lot of it too is like when I started this path of getting over prescribed medications it was very like you know this is just what you do you get in this track you're on this track already where you're being told you have all these things wrong with you and then it's like okay here's this medication here's this medication here's this medication and they talk to you in a way where it's like you have no choice and so of course you know I want to be accepted and loved like I want to belong and so I'm like okay I'll this is what I have to do to be a functional person in society and I'm giggling because like I mean you have to because it's like I don't want to say that there's no place for medications or anything like that like that's not at all what I want to make people feel like it's not bad it's just mine was very extreme in the way of like getting put on way too much lithium for example which is a salt and you know you know then you can be really dehydrated and instead of it instead of like going back to that root cause issue of like oh you're just you don't need all this for like your body and who you are you know because it's like again that disconnection piece where maybe maybe that amount works for somebody who is a totally different body than I am a totally different human being or maybe dealing with a different issue but for me it's like I would have these harsh kind of things happen in my reality that maybe weren't actually the most supportive for me as an individual to like blossom I don't think I really needed to be heavily suppressed I think if anything I just really needed support and help understanding emotions and my emotions in particular as well as like what I was carrying and dealing with which was just way different than my family

yeah yeah I mean I think that medication does have its place I mean when I was 11 I went on thyroid medication for a period of time and that was really helpful like there's all kinds of helpful medications and like you know I think that when we put somebody on a medication with this idea that this is just gonna you know fix you and this is what you have to do from here on out right which it's not like a stepping stone in a larger process of healing right that's where it becomes this thing that's kind of oppressive which is what you're describing where now you're you know told that you are not functional and you need this medication and the medication at that level was making you even less functional and that was only like a self-fulfilling prophecy so that's huge for you to be able to step out of that into a new reality of who you are and start doing this this work to heal your life that you've been doing over the last how many years like five years or something like that

yeah I think yeah like since 30 I don't know something happened I turned 30 and I was like I'm ready I am ready to like make these changes and figure some shit out and I think part of it was that life just felt easier for me after going through so much after a period of time I think maybe I felt more mature and ready to be like okay I don't need a doctor holding my hand and telling me that I have permission to like feel my own feelings and stuff because like I spent five years asking doctors nurse practitioners school counselors for help but I wasn't doing it in a way where I felt like oh I've got this like I'll be fine if I get off of these medications because I had no idea what it would really be like because I was like 16 when I kind of got myself into this situation where I was being like started being overprescribed medications and one of the meds that I was on for a long time was a benzodiazepine and that one I love I love because it's like it's like just taking a little bit of alcohol like it just makes life very like oh like yeah if you have a hard time with emotions or you feel things intensely you're gonna really probably like benzos so it was not it was not easy and it's like you know again it's like yeah there's a time or place for it but I was like 23 years old and like also still working as a caregiver working with kids with special needs and I was also working with with older people and I was just like wow I just feel such a such a kinship with all of these all of my clients all these people that I'm working with and I think a lot of it was because I just felt really trapped in my own body in a way that you know I feel really grateful or just like okay cool like that I have been able to move through so much of it because it w as very extreme um and I did just kind of like like get myself off of those medications myself because when I was asking authority for help when I was asking these people for help I was scared and that's kind of all they could reflect back to me was my fear and it was really scary and so then I was like I'm just gonna do this myself I'm not saying that anybody should ever do that but I think that um it's just a testament to like like how much I just want to be alive and like learn how to be myself and just like enjoy life like to the best of my individual ability which is different you know for each person

yeah I mean I uh I did like a going off medication thing too when I was 19 and I had a traumatic health crisis and they put me on like an anti-psychotic and like all these you know well like three different drugs like ativan I think like we just like you know calm you down like you know numb everything out kind of thing but I hated them and they actually the anti-psychotic they had me on was giving me like jaundice and liver damage they've taken it off the market since then because it was doing that to people and so you know within like a two months of taking it I was feeling so ill I just decided on my own without consulting anybody I was like I don't need this I need actual healing you know and that's when I got into yoga and I started working in my nutritional healing and learning about these alternative ways and thankfully I had parents that were supporting that but I can't imagine like how challenging it would be if I didn't have that if I didn't if I had parents that were actively saying there's something wrong with you and you need to take this medication you know or your life is going to go to shit you know what I mean if I had that kind of like input coming in how much harder it would have been for me to make that choice of you know not taking the medication and yeah like it makes sense that you were in that kind of loop for so long it's funny that you mentioned turning 30 because astrologically speaking you know that's after your Saturn return right which is this like hard difficult like period where Saturn comes back to the place that it was when you were born and like the life lessons that you're here to learn like that all kind of starts around 27 and then extends into you know you know 30 31 we're kind of over that right but also in human design they talk about anybody under 30 they're in their victim years and then when you turn 30 there's this point where you're able to look on back on your life and say oh actually I'm ready to take responsibility for all of that and not just feel like a victim of all the shit that ever happened to me I can now like be mature enough to organize it and then the last cool piece I'll add here is about brain development which we used to think you know what like 20 30 years ago that once you were like an adult aka like 18 your brain just stopped developing right I think they even thought it stopped developing even earlier than that at one point but now we know that your brain never stops developing and that there's development really important executive function development going on in our brains in our mid 20s right and so there's a lot of learning like deeper learning and development of our brain that's going on and so by the time we're in our 30s we kind of gotten through that intensive period of brain development right and now we're able again to kind of look back on things and go oh I can see how I was responsible for some of this I can see how I was you know impacted by things that I worked completely out of my control and now I'm ready to step forward into greater responsibility for my life

right yeah and I think that is so cool that it's like okay like it can just naturally happen because I have had somebody taught me that too that it was right with my Saturn return and I'm like yeah that makes so much sense and it makes me feel very comforted to be like yes there's a rhyme or reason to things when when we kind of be like grounded yeah

yeah tell us a little bit about how a ponopono practice and how how did that come in for you and then what what have you learned through this practice because it's a really interesting not very super well known practice

right okay well so um I came into that practice through following another coach that I really resonate with who is also a 1-3 projector and um she has a little bit different definition in her chart than I do but I just really saw her in her power and really living in a way that looked carefree and relaxed and I'm like oh my gosh how do you do that like is that possible like you seem like a real person she's a real person she does that that I um she she learned this technique or got certified in a way that is much deeper than just the mantra it's literally an energy clearing and so she's a healer too and she went through training to learn all these different like energy healing techniques and it's an energy healing technique that I have learned from her and I have been certified in to use morna's honopono manual and she's one of like um she's like a a priestess in Hawaii and this is just like a very old tradition of forgiveness where again it's very common to use in families and in society when there is like you know a conflict or something arising or coming up because you can you know create a lot more chaos and a lot more disorder um with this conflict and I think that you know it's not really normal for people to understand um well not normal but I think it's just it's a skill to be able to separate yourself from a herd mentality whether it's a family system or society to be like oh I'm feeling this way is this mine is like is there something that I can do about this instead of just you know wanting this person to change or this person to do something different or this person to meet my need or to meet my expectation because you know those feelings and that those things that come up um it's not gonna go away but the whole idea of the practice of forgiveness is healing that conflict within so then it can maybe be easier to have conflict resolution with people because you're literally um untangling from the conflict and from the situation inside of you like these things are there's like a whole energetic component to life where you know we have all like triggers and stuff around certain things that just get stuck in our bodies and we can release that energetically and we can also rewire our pathways, neural pathways and so I've been learning to do energy clearing work where it's it's literally like um super cutting edge stuff and I've almost like even gone too overboard with it at different times because I'm still again learning where my boundaries are and my parameters are because the more that you clear yourself like um the more like profound or like intense the energy clearing work is so you actually do have to be careful when you're learning how to do these things for yourself and other people something that I'm learning right now but it is it is literally an energy clearing of you know a belief or like something that's held in the body somewhere

um some pain some some mental or emotional anguish

yeah yeah it's like you get you get to kind of pinpoint it fine you like you can feel it you find it you pinpoint it and then it's really just um this practice of going through in this template of like okay we found it we're gonna release that so then you have that space open for the opposite thing because often times the resolution you know the solution is in the conflict and it's just like the opposite thing that you actually want but it can be just feel so hard when you're in it to like have that be an option or even have peaceful discussions and things like that

that makes so much sense what you just said like the that we the the thing that we actually want to happen can be found in what we don't like what we don't want happening actually points to what we do want happening you know our stress and anger at this you know stupid person for saying these things is because you maybe have the desire for them to say something loving or kind to you or you have the desire for them to be um supporting you and encouraging you and so when you can get in touch with what's really true that objective of beyond your upset then you can start reorganizing how to get there right to to what you really want to be to be going on it sounds like this work because i mean this is the first time you've really explained it to me more in depth um and i only knew a little bit about it but it sounds like it goes really really well with the somatic work that we did together because it's a very similar kind of principle and i think i remember you saying that when you were having a regular somatic movement practice it made your energy work like more efficient it made it more comfortable it made it more streamlined is that would you say something about that oh yeah

absolutely well i would say that if you want to do energy clearing work or make changes that are lasting and sustainable first of all you need to do it incrementally and soma is helping me learn what that actually means in my body where i have the tendency of you know really understanding um these really heady concepts in a way that it makes perfect sense to me i can feel the motion of it you know i'm like yeah that's how it works like how are we not all on the same page with this? You know, because it feels so, it just how things feel, I'm such a feeler and I get a lot of information that way. However, I'm still learning how to be in my body and how to be respectful of myself and others too, but also just understand my own limitations and what I'm doing because if you're doing all this energy clearing work and you're not even grounded in your body, then it's kind of, I don't wanna say like a waste, but you're not doing it in the efficient way.

Yeah, it may be a lot harder. It takes a lot more effort and a lot more of your energy to accomplish something that if you were really inhabiting your body and you had your body, because this is the thing I've been thinking about a lot. Like if I get my body on board, like our body is powerful. I mean, it is literally the home of our brain. You know, we think of our mental and emotional like energy as being somehow outside of our body, but it's actually living in our body. And so if we can get like our body and our emotional states and our mental states and our spiritual like energy aligned and connected, like what a team, what a team to do anything. You know, and that's what makes it so much more efficient. And so, you know, I think for me, for many years, I was also disconnected from my body because of trauma, because of, you know, things that had happened when I was really little that I had not processed that were uncomfortable, painful, scary to feel when I got triggered or feel when, you know, things happened in my life that were upsetting, you know. I would feel these things and wanna run away from them, wanna shy away from them, wanna cover them up, wanna get rid of them as fast as possible. And what I learned through my somatic movement practice is that, you know, they actually aren't there to just be like, you know, shoved out the window or swept under the rug. They're there to be integrated into who I actually am and integrated into my body because they're a source of tremendous wisdom, these traumas and these pains when they are integrated, right? And there's a lot of ways to go about that. And, you know, energy work is absolutely wonderful for doing part of that. And then if you're missing that physical piece of actually being fully present in your body, right? Then you may just be limited and how far you can actually go with it in terms of integration. And you may, I guess, struggle a bit more. It may just take more time when you don't have that vital piece of being in your body, right? Absolutely.

You literally, I was just watching the three day Teradians replay and you said that when you don't have all pieces and parts of you on board, like, or just you said, when you do have all pieces and parts of you on board, then it's a lot easier to go in that direction. And I think what I have been realizing, especially after doing your program, is that I have been wanting to, you know, manifest my destiny and be this conscious co-creator with what is and all that stuff, because it's beautiful and it's fun and it's what I'm here to do. However, I want to, yeah, it's like, it's multi-layered. It's like, I'm just doing, I'm back in therapy doing parts work right now for the inner children pieces, because I've been realizing that I've been doing a lot of this work and it has been turning into kind of like a dog chasing its own tail because I had, because it's like, yeah, you have to be respectful of all parts and pieces of you. If you just do a part of it, then you're just doing, it's like, yeah, like half of it or whatever. And I feel like that's kind of how it's been for me in society where it's like, if you look the part and you show up and you pass like you're normal enough, it doesn't really matter what the emotions are, what you're feeling, you just go through it and you do it and it's fine. And then I think I bounced to the other extreme where I'm like, oh, emotions and all this energy work and Soma's really helping me, yes, balance it all out. Because yeah, you're not gonna get very far manifesting things in your reality and creating new things if you're not grounded. Like you gotta be grounded too. And yeah, in your body and being nice to yourself.

Being nice to yourself, yes, oh my God, Soma, the movements, they're so nice. I had someone say to me after they did a practice, they were like emotionally, like it brought up all these feelings for them because they're like, I could just feel how these movements were so incredibly kind. And I realized how not kind to myself I had been being and it was emotional for me because yeah, this movement and this way of moving is so very, very kind and brings in that connectedness to the earth. I mean, like I've had this experience so many times I love sharing it with people where you finish your somatic practice and then I invite you to stand up, right? And you feel your feet literally more in contact with the ground, you know? So it's like we think of grounding as being, a bunch of different things. There's a bunch of different ways to ground, like literally just going outside and having your feet on the earth is electromagnetically grounding, right? And there's also like grounding foods that we can eat like root vegetables and beans and these things that kind of keep our energy from getting too high. They sort of ground us, right? Had starches like squash and all that, right? But then there's also literally being grounded meaning that we're not holding ourselves up from the earth through the contractions in our bodies, which is what most of us are doing most of our lives is we're holding all this contraction that actually is keeping us from being fully connected to the earth and when we're muscles relaxed then our body actually is allowed to be heavy, right? That feeling like after you come out of like a movement where you just let your body be heavy. Yeah, yeah. So many layers, you know?

Well, and then you're doing, you're making changes more accurately too because I think the most important piece to making a lasting health change is like your ability to be with the discomfort first before making the change, where I'm still working on that relationship as well. So I, yeah, I'm like, wow, this is so helpful because yeah, I have been terrified of like, oh, like the extremes in life. And this is not extreme, however, it is like, it's very beneficial in a way that's like, can keep you out of the extremes in a way that I'm like, more people need to know about that. So yeah, they're maybe not feeling like they need to make, go to such extremes without understanding that this exists first and like, yeah, the amount that we can do over a period of time is just incredible. Yeah, so this is definitely something I need to keep working on, that's for sure.

Beautiful, yeah, yeah, it's a practice. Like once you learn this, you can come back to it. It's like, you know, it's a skill that you develop in your body. Like it's literally like riding a bike, you know, because it's working with your motor, the motor system of your brain. So, you know, you don't forget how to do this when you spend the time like you spent with me last year. Your body won't know how to do it any time that you lay down and do it, right? It's really been so amazing to, you know, get connected to you and hear about your story. It's always been so like, since we started working together, I'm like, wow, like this woman is gonna help so many people because you've been through so much and you're so committed to your own healing. And to me, that is what makes a person an effective guide for others is when they have this ongoing practical, meaning they're doing it, they're physically doing it in some way every day, they have this commitment to their healing. And like they also need to acknowledge, and you do this really well, but you're not perfect and that you're still in your process because that's true for all of us. There's no finish line, there's no destination in healing. You know, there's another layer that we uncover that teaches us something more. And the inverse of this is that, you know, there's no end to the amount of wisdom and truth that you can discover and have in your body. And that's actually really exciting and really beautiful. You know, so that's like kind of feels like, like, oh my God, like why am I like experiencing this problem again? I thought I dealt with that like, oh my God, this is so annoying. I don't wanna be in this, you know, healing struggle anymore. I want it to be done with. I mean, we've all been there, right? And at the same time, like once we, like you said, get through that initial discomfort in whatever's coming up to be transformed. Like we get to gain more knowledge and experience that then we're able to share with others.

Yeah, absolutely. I definitely like, oh, I'm like, I wanna take the path of least resistance now because yeah, it's really painful. I don't wanna create any more pain for myself in my life and that's possible.

Yes, it's there anyway. It's gonna show up anyhow. So instead of like perpetuating it, let's find like easy ways to make it more manageable so that we're capable of dealing with the pain that life throws at us. Right, exactly. Yep. Yeah. So tell us a bit about in terms of healing conflict with regards to relationships. I would love to go a little bit further into that in terms of what is your approach when say maybe you have a couple or like some friends or something who are having a challenge between the two of them and you are going to guide them through understanding each other a little bit more and maybe mediate. Like how would you approach that given kind of the alternative things that you have learned? Sure.

Well, I'd say step one, make sure I'm in my body that I maybe do a little bit of like if some are releasing or tapping because I think part of what draws me into this work is I just, I understand intrinsically the need to be like, okay, okay, let's like calm down and see this from a neutral standpoint, which I think is just a gift that I have to be able to see things from a higher perspective, not because I'm not a human being, but because I am a one, three projector in human design and then it's just part of my intrinsic gift that I have of a skill to be able to really feel other people's emotions as though it's mine or so it can feel very scary when big emotions are involved. So I can say step one, make sure I'm in like a neutral standpoint with it so that I can be helpful. And I would say step two would be kind of both people kind of owning their side of the conflict to be able to find the solution. Because again, it's like the solution is in the conflict and sometimes it's really not even about the other person and sometimes people are also even like having a conflict where maybe they just want, maybe they actually want the same things and they're just going about it in completely drastically different ways or ineffective ways or ways where they feel like they're against each other and maybe they're not even really against each other. You know what I mean? Like maybe they actually want the same things and they're just not able to see that from the space that they're in with the conflict. So I think helping people get space with the conflict and understanding that when you are dealing with conflict in a relationship and in a situation, like it's good to not blame it on the other person. Like, you know, it's good to really like be with it and to be able to try to find a solution that doesn't require the other person to have to do anything. First, if that's possible. You know, and I feel like maybe that's what, yeah, this work in so much do have a lot in common where I'm like, okay, let's do like, I guess the way that I would approach it personally is kind of the path of like easier, like less intrusive to more intrusive because I think that that's been a huge experience that I've had of where I have felt just so like messed with and everybody's like, you're not, you know, like just like, I don't know, like having a really hard time in relationship to other people or something because of the, you know, the way that people were with me seems so harsh to what was actually going on because it was just a mismatch because there wasn't that foundation of like, even understanding in the first place what's going on before making a decision, for having a reaction and making a decision. And I just feel like slowing down in conflict is like, can work wonders for people in their relationships. And then, yeah, like trying to resolve it without the other person necessarily even needing to do anything, but maybe just witnessing, you know, depending on what it is, I don't know, that's very broad, but I haven't had a lot of experience to be honest with the conflict resolution in relationships yet, like I'm getting all these skills and stuff and it's definitely something that I feel very passionate about. But in real life, I don't have a lot of like, embodiment of success with that yet myself.

You need opportunities. And it sounds like you have a pretty, I mean, there was a lot there that you said, but what the things that I gathered was that you know that neutrality and being empty yourself allows you to be present, to help other people experience that same kind of emptiness and neutrality too. That that becomes a possibility when you're holding that in your presence, right? And that's a foundation right there for something to change in the perspective or in the physiology of other people. When somebody's all upset and angry and frustrated and they come across this energy that is neutral and kind and listening, it's like that frustration and that anger just immediately starts to dissipate in the presence of that neutral kindness, right? The other thing you said is like, there's the holding on to our gripes and our resentments and our frustrations and wanting someone else to fix it, right? And that when we start to actually hear ourselves and hearing ourselves, I think can come from being heard, right? When somebody hears you and they respond, they do like active listening where like they say back to you a little bit of what you said, then you're like hearing yourself again and you're able to hear like, oh yeah, that is what I'm upset about. And then that can get transformed into, oh that is like different than what I want, what I'm focusing on what I don't want but now it's becoming really clear to me what I do want. You know, that kind of process we were talking about earlier. And then that's this way that people are able to start transforming their upset into a solution, which doesn't even seem possible while they're super upset, right? But then they start hearing themselves through other people's listening. And then now suddenly there seems to be a solution on the horizon and you can start to sense that maybe, like you said also, maybe we want a very similar thing here but we just have a different vision of how it should go about, like how it should come about, right? Yeah, so I think, you know, you're on this path and you're getting whatever opportunities that come across in your daily experience of your life to do this, you're getting experience. I mean, your life has been an experience of this. It's just about now getting the opportunities to actually show up for people and give them your skills and blessings as an offering. And I'm excited to see you do that over the next, however long it takes, cause it's a process.

No, I really appreciate that. And actually this is really cool cause talking to you helps me clarify it too, where I'm like, it can be, so many things can be a natural process when we're connecting with ourselves through it. You know what I mean? Whether it's reversing our patterns in our body or not reversing but releasing or whether it's being with the conflict and yeah, going through it in a way that's very peaceful where you're able to like, yeah, bounce back with somebody and be like, oh, maybe that doesn't make sense. Maybe this is not like, yeah. And in a way that's like, nobody's wrong. Nobody's being punished, you know, because you're getting it before it's going into some extreme thing where people are coming up with a solution that may not even be a solution.

Right, right. Something that's just like a reactive thing that's like, oh, just like, let's just get this over with as fast as possible without considering all of the complexity and all of the subtleties and without actually taking into consideration that there are many, many different possibilities of how this can turn out and not just one way to do something.

Absolutely. And I think this is gonna become more popular too so that people can make more informed decisions, right? Because when we're in the moment and we're being offered like just this one option, you don't, you're not gonna, like, I just feel like that's crazy. You know, it comes back to my experience of dealing with like being on the 9,250s, like grams of lithium, like that was insane. Like a more peaceful solution would be like, okay, Laurel, like we're talking to you like Laurel as a human being, not somebody that has all these issues and this problem and didn't act normal one time in her life and now you're like dealing with all of this. Instead, it's like, okay, so here are some of your options. Here are your choices. And then having somebody, you know, work, like whether it's a mediator, yeah, in healthcare or even like the justice system or with couples or something, you know, maybe it's something that I could even like a mediation school where I'm training people on this before it's getting to the extremes that I've had to go through so that people can know what their choices are in life and make choices that feel the best to them. And I guess a more supportive society is I would love to be, you know, help create an actual loving society and it's a process.

Yeah, no, so many things you just said aligned so much with my mission in spreading somatics to people. You know, if you continue to watch the three days serrated and because I just, I recorded it yesterday, I've been thinking a lot about my human design and I have the right angle cross of laws. That's my like, so and that one is about justice and that also in the gene keys, like, you know, we can talk about it from that angle, justice and this concept of it. And it took me like kind of a long time to process it and understand it because I think that we're programmed to think of justice in this world as like something that has to do with crime and punishment and something that has to do with like war or that has to do with some kind of fighting and conflict. That's, you know, social justice and finding justice. And, you know, there's the kind of, I guess you could say, like idea that justice is somehow harsh, right? And I'm coming up with this new like interpretation of justice and I'm excited about it. And it sounds very similar to what you just described. So like, what if there's this way of healing your nervous system and there's this particular way of moving, which you're familiar with now in your body that actually resets your muscle tension, releases the things that have accumulated in your life. And it's actually part of your body. It's part of something that you were born with that you simply never learned how to use, right? And that people don't know about it, that you don't know that there's a way to come out of the pain. To me, that's an injustice because you were born with this ability, this skill, you know, this power and that you don't know about it, right? Same with like the food stuff that I talk about, that there are ways to heal your body and use food as an ally. And that you don't know about this, that people just aren't aware of the impact and the power that that can have on their lives. That's an injustice. And so so much of my work as an educator and maybe you feel similarly about, you know, sharing this kind of mediation work with people is that there are solutions, there are ways of healing that are not aggressive, that are kind and gentle and loving and tender and they're effective and that people don't know about them is an injustice to their humanity.

Absolutely. And I think it comes back to people who are patient, you know, the patient teachers, the nice teachers, because I feel like with the justice system is it's like the punishment needs to fit the crime. And it's like, well, I'm not trying to say that's not true. It's just like when it comes to learning, like learning a new thing or learning a new skill, you don't approach it that way. Like, and I think we're learning that as a society where things work, where it doesn't work and, you know, just evolving, like, which is like an individual thing. And then it has its effects, you know, ripples out this way. So we're changing the world.

Totally, yes. Starting inside ourselves first, which is where it all takes place, right? Because that's, you know, we can know a bunch of stuff and we can, you know, I can tell people, blah, blah, blah, blah. I thought I was gonna sneeze, but you can have all this intellectual, like, you know, really valuable stuff. And if you're not living it, if you're not in your body, it doesn't really compel anybody. Like people are just kind of like, oh, she's smart. That's interesting, whatever, you know?

Yeah, totally. You got to have the experience to, like, the experience is huge with learning, I think. I know for me, I learn everything through, well, the hard way. I'm like, not anymore, but like through the experience of it, really how I learn. So yeah, maybe more people are like that too and they're finding out.

Totally, yeah. Well, and that experience thing to me, that's like such a human design, like three thing, which is like your design, right? It's the three, the experimenter, the discoverer, you know? And maybe you can say a little bit about that because you're, like you mentioned before, you have a really potent human design chart and you're a projector. And I know you've dived pretty deep into what it means to be a projector. So maybe if some of our listeners are also projectors, they would love to hear your perspective.

Yeah, well, I would say that I learned about being a project. A lot of things, it's like I learned the hard way and now I'm trying to learn about it the easy way because I would love to have the experience of what it's like to be an empowered projector in my body, you know, living my design and really taking like aligned invitations and stuff like that because yeah, it's like, I have a lot of open centers in my chart. I have a defined G center, which is really funny. It's like my heart center and my will center are defined and everything else is open. And I'm kind of like, I wish I understood this about myself sooner because I've dealt with like identity crises my whole life. And it's so funny in my chart, like I am linked to my identity all the time. Like I don't even really have to think about it that hard or go on these wild goose chases. Like I know who I am in a very embodied way already, but I forget all these things because the reality for myself as a one three projector is that I need to be doing the energy clearing work as well and dealing with the emotional side of life as well as the physical side of life and being in my body and eating healthy. If I want full total health, I can't just do the physical side of life, or I can't just do the emotional side of life. I have to find a balance between both. And I think learning more about my chart has really helped me with that so that I can show up more and in my own energy and just feel healthy and confident. And like I've got this.

Yeah, well, I heard this a while ago and I thought it was fascinating because when I first learned about human design, I think we learn it in layers because it's so complex and there's so much to learn about it. And we kind of are told early on like, oh, the open centers is where you get conditioned and the colored in centers are where you're doing the conditioning of other people. But what I've begun to realize, especially about your human design chart development is that when you're little, you're not fully in your design, you're actually in a way like a lot more open even in your defined centers. Because you're just, same with like your astrology, they say people don't really fully step into their astrology and they're much more impacted by like their parents' charts and stuff as children, right? Because they're developing or nervous system and everything's developing. So you can absolutely carry conditioning in your defined centers that prevents you from experiencing who you truly are, what your design really is. And it sounds like as you started to actually separate yourself from the projections that, which is a big thing with like the martyrdom of the three, right? And like people telling you who you are, right? When you separate yourself from that, then you actually got access to your design and you get to now start experiencing your true identity that was there the whole time, but it was just under certain kinds of conditioning that kept it dormant, that kept it from being realized.

Exactly. Well, and I do appreciate your grounded wisdom with all this because I know throughout my, this journey that I've been on over the last like, I guess just starting it really like in 2018 where I'm like, okay, this is just not working at all, like made all these huge changes in 2019. It does take a lot of time. And that's something that I again, really appreciate about the Soma practice and ways to release stress and tension and build up because yeah, like to learn a topic like human design or Jean Keys, which I'm like doing all this deep dive work into and really with my own chart, because I want to be living my highest potential and best life and unlocking my prosperity and all that stuff, but like it takes time and you can't force it either. You can't be like, oh, it's like, I mean, you can, but you could potentially cause yourself more harm doing it that way. So it's like, yeah, I'm definitely learning that it takes a lot more time than my brain wants it to take or that I've always understood at different parts of this journey as I've been coming into this information and learning I'm like, holy Toledo, this is all, yeah, it takes a long time to like live who you are in the world.

It takes the longer it lasts. That's what we used to say like in my, when I was a yoga teacher, like the longer it takes you to learn how to do this yoga pose, you're gonna be a master at it. You're gonna really know, right? How it works. And so yeah, like the perseverance that it requires, and I gotta say, like you are so brave as a human being, like with everything that you've told and shared about what you went through and the things that you have taken, the risks that you've taken, you know, on top of that, like, you know, you're gonna be, I mean, you are, you have been stepping into this entrepreneurial like path. And I'll tell you, like I just stepped into that over the last year of my life and it's been such a huge part of like my growth and it's, it takes even that perseverance, you know, that you have is gonna get like strengthened in this process of putting yourself out there to be seen and heard and to help people, you know? And I just think it's tremendous, like what you've already done and I'm so excited to see where you go with this. I know at one point you mentioned that you like, we're going back to school and you were studying some things, like maybe studying psychology and thinking about maybe getting or finishing your degree and stuff like that. And I think because, you know, how much you're able to integrate information and then you see how it relates to not only your life, but everybody else's life, like, awesome, like not that you need a credential, but that would be great for everybody if Laurel did that because you just have more tools.

Right. I've been really drawn to one particular program as psychology with the concentration in child and adolescent development. And I have gone back and forth. I'm like, oh, I don't really like want to go back to school, but then there's this part of me that's just like, I feel like I need, again, more like this grounded information of how it's relatable. Just because I feel like you're able to help more people when you're able to really understand all the things that you went through. And I went through so much as a child. So I'm actually really excited to, yeah, learn more about like what it means to develop as a human being during childhood and adolescence and then hopefully be able to like help adults, but also children more too, and like families and stuff like that. I guess I haven't fully worked out like exactly who I'm here to serve, but I feel like definitely families and most of my experiences with kids. So I think that will really help me understand that piece more for myself as well as be able to help other children. Because yeah, the more information we have, the more efficient we can pinpoint things where we're not, again, going to these really big extremes. And maybe we don't have to do that right away. We can do things easier.

Now, actually, yeah, yeah. I think our bodies like that more. Our bodies like gradual shifts. I mean, there can be a great high to, you know, a sudden intense experience, but it's also kind of like stressful to our systems. And if we do that over and over, it's like we're just wearing ourselves out, you know, and

Yep, I deal with that so much. I'm like, that's basically what addiction is.somehow enjoying the process through that little burst of chemicals right in the beginning and then feeling maybe even more worn out or exhausted, you know, after the highs are kind of over.

Yep, I deal with that so much. I'm like, that's basically what addiction is.

Yeah, yeah. It can be like... Oh, I work for healing. Yeah, it can be like a strategy, you know, for some of us, especially if we're dealing with really difficult shit, you know, but like it's just, it's only part of a larger healing process, you know. So at some point, hopefully, you know, and this is something I feel like we're going through all the time in different layers of our lives. Like we graduate from just, you know, the sudden, quick, you know, okay, just make it stop kind of solution. And we graduate from that into a little more sophisticated way of approaching this stuff.

Right, absolutely. Yeah, I'm like, yes, I'm feeling like a real adult. And I'm like, yeah, I am so sophisticated now, Amy.

Yes, both were our turtlenecks. So we're very sophisticated. I am an adult. But it's great because you also have this really, a sweetness to you, you know, and you are like, I can tell how connected you are to your inner child and how much compassion you've developed for your inner child. You know, that's something that is like really, you know, people pick up on that stuff. And I'm sure that kids pick up on that with you and feel really safe and comfortable with you, you know, like right away.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I take it as an honor. Like I don't take it for granted that, you know, like kids or animals like me, it's like you gotta be nice to each other, especially the young ones. And I appreciate it too, because I didn't get to be a kid. So I get to, and then yeah, people think you're this hero when you're good with kids and you're like, no, it's just fun. I'm just happy with that.

Yeah, you know, that's absolutely not something to be taken for granted, because even myself, I can get like overly serious. That's like one of my like things that comes up in me, like when I switch into certain kinds of like stress mode or like, you know, want really focused on something and want to accomplish it, I can get like overly serious, you know, and that can get in the way of just enjoying things, you know. So I've been really loving this conversation Laurel and I would love for our listeners to be able to connect with you and learn more about your journey. Where can they connect with you?

I would say right now, social media, I'm on Instagram at LaurelPair and I'm on Facebook, just LaurelPair, like it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, I know that you're starting to share more about human design and about Jean Keys. And so, you know, if people are interested, you know, maybe they're also a one three projector, they could reach out to you maybe and have a conversation and learn a little bit about like what you've discovered and some things that are really helpful for you in terms of draining out that energy.

Yeah, absolutely. If they're having trouble with, you know, inner child stuff or like family issues or anything like that, I can be very helpful for conflict. Yeah, and then dealing with the emotions, the motion stuff. That's, yes, that's my lifelong. Pursuit.

Don't impeach me, so to speak, yeah. Yeah. Good. Well, I've loved this conversation. I've loved having you in the program and, you know, as my clients and, you know, as my friend, I just feel like you're a really, you know, amazing person and it's been such an honor to work with you. And I'm excited just to get to share about your story today with everyone, with all the stuff that you went through with being over-medicated and all of that. So thank you for being on the podcast today. Do you have any last words for everybody? Not really.

I like, wisdom is definitely earned. I'll just say that. Yes. Yeah, it's not easy, but it can be. We can approach it with ease. So yeah, I'm really grateful to know you and your program exists. And yeah, I want to always get back into your team with that. Beautiful.

Yeah. Well, I support you in that. Thank you so much and we'll talk again really soon. Sounds good. Thank you, Amy.

You've been listening to the Free Your Soma podcast. Subscribe now to hear more stories of somatic awakening and gain knowledge and tools for somatic living. If you'd like to learn more about me, Amy Takaya, Hanosomatic Education, or the Radiance Program, please visit www.freeyoursoma .com.

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