Ep134: Stuck on Go? Rewiring Your Nervous System with Karen Canham
Do you feel stuck in a cycle of pushing yourself harder, faster, and further, even when your body is begging you to stop?
Board-certified wellness coach Karen Canham joins Aimee to unpack the nervous system science behind burnout, perfectionism, and chronic overdrive.
From her own journey through an eating disorder and corporate burnout to now guiding organizations through nervous system regulation, Karen offers a refreshingly honest look at what real healing takes, including navigating her own separation in real time using the very tools she teaches.
Karen takes us through:
Why expanding your capacity for stress matters more than eliminating stress entirely
How to recognize shallow breathing, hiked shoulders, and constant busyness as nervous system red flags
How a dysregulated leader's energy ripples through an entire organization
Why nervous system regulation addresses root causes that positive thinking alone cannot reach
A look at how workshops build trust and create psychological safety at work
And so much more!
Guest Bio:
Karen Canham is a Board-Certified Wellness Coach and founder of Karen Ann Wellness, where she helps driven professionals, entrepreneurs, and organizations move from stress and reactivity into calm, clarity, and sustainable success.
With a background in neuroscience, somatic practices, and parts work therapy, Karen’s mission is to teach nervous system regulation as the missing link between high performance and authentic wellbeing. Her work blends science and embodiment to create lasting transformation in how people lead, communicate, and connect.
Connect with Karen:
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/karenannwellness
Instagram: @karenannwellness
Website: www.karenannwellness.com
Connect with Aimee:
Instagram: @aimeetakaya
Facebook: Aimee Takaya
Learn more about Aimee Takaya, Hanna Somatic Education, and The Radiance Program at https://www.freeyoursoma.com/
LISTEN WHILE READING!
A: Hey there, listener, Aimee Takaya here on the Free Your Soma podcast. Have you been stuck on go? And when you really think about it, did this start early in your life?
If you're someone who has struggled with perfectionism, high internal standards that you can never quite meet, and you feel like you're constantly running a race, stay tuned. I have Karen Canham.
Karen is a board-certified wellness coach and founder of Karen and Wellness, where she helps driven professionals, entrepreneurs, and organizations move from stress and reactivity to calm, clarity, and sustainable success.
Her background is in neuroscience, somatic practices and parts work therapy. And her mission is to teach your nervous system regulation, the missing link between high performance and authentic well-being. But work is gonna blend science and embodiment to create lasting transformation in how people lead, communicate, and connect. So stay tuned if this conversation is one for you.
A: Every day there is a forgetting, and every moment there is the possibility of remembering. Remembering who you truly are, awakening to your body, to the inner world, to the experience of being alive. Here is where you find the beauty, the joy, and here is where you free your soma. I'm your host, Aimee Takaya. I'm here to help you move from pain to power, from tension to expansion, and ultimately from fear to love.
A: Hi, Karen. Thank you so much for coming on the show.
K: Hi, Aimee. Thanks for having me.
A: Yeah. You know, I feel like a lot of people probably need to have this conversation with us today because as I look around, especially, you know, amongst women, there just seems to be like a real intense epidemic of pushing ourselves beyond what is actually sustainable and natural in our bodies, right?
I'm sure men do it too, but I mean, I'm I identify I'm a female, so like I relate to that more strongly and I notice it more. And I think some of it has to do with, you know, the way that our bodies are different. We go through our cycles every month, right?
Like those kind of things. But there's another piece here, which is our nervous system and how our nervous system can become dysregulated really early on, right? And then set the tone for how we're experiencing life in our bodies from that point forward. So I'm super excited to have this conversation with you today. Um, can you tell us a little bit about how you got into this field, this work? I'm assuming you have your own story of burnout.
K: Yeah, I love that you brought up that woman piece. My brain was like sparking with like tons of reasons why this is really prudent to women. And hopefully my story kind of fits into that. So I had childhood trauma. I developed an eating disorder to deal with that when I was young. I went through recovery in my late 20s for that, and was able to be really successful in my corporate career.
I mean, it was very high functioning. Um, but I got to a point of like, you know, I had chronic conditions that were going on, like an autoimmune condition that occurred. I just didn't feel like myself. I didn't feel happy. Um, I felt just like the shell of a human being.
And I just was like, this is not the way that I want to be living after I've done all this work and recovered, you know, from this like battle that I had, it was like this can't be it. So I was teaching yoga at the time on the side, and that was a big healing factor for me throughout my whole experience.
And that was really the first thing that introduced me to the somatic work. It was the first thing that I was able to do that get me in my body to start feeling into my body and was extremely healing for me.
And then I took it a step further and came into this nervous system work of really understanding how the nervous system works and digging deeper into um parts work therapy, which is something I utilize on myself and with my clients as well.
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A: Yeah. And it sounds like there was layers to your own healing process. Like an eating disorder is pretty like serious, serious thing. And I love how you said that the eating disorder was your way of coping with and dealing with childhood trauma. A lot of times we see because the eating disorder is kind of a trauma in and of itself, we forget that it's actually a strategy, right?
It's like this tool to feel some sense of control in your body, right? And uh, and then as you got into yoga, it sounds like you were able to really tap more into this connection, this ongoing connection in your body that your body could support you, that your body could be in collaboration with you, you know, versus how it often feels early on is like our body is this adversary, right?
K: Yeah. I believe that healing is a journey. I don't believe in the fact that we're ever completely healed. So it's definitely been a journey for me. Um, it continues to be a journey.
I mean, it's life, right? And things are gonna happen. So, like, currently I'm going through a separation, which it brings like a whole other layer to my journey, right?
But being able to experience in it in a way that's so different now than what I would have had experienced it in the past, and really feeling everything, feeling, you know, the negative emotions that arise with it, feeling the positive emotions that arise with it, and being able to kind of step back from it and really be curious about, you know, what brought me here to to this relationship and why is it happening the way it is now and and how does that change for me in the future? So yeah, it's just a very the nervous system work has brought me to a place of a very different way of being.
I felt before the things that I were was utilizing, they were extremely helpful, but they felt more like a tool, and I didn't necessarily have like a deeper understanding of what was really happening in my body. Right, right.
A: And it's times when we go through some kind of upheaval that we can actually kind of see how far we've come. Because, like you said, you're feeling you're feeling the things that are coming up versus I can completely relate like 15 years ago in my 20s before, you know, I was doing somatic work. I would have just avoided feeling in any way possible, you know. And I'm sure there's people listening who can relate 100% to that.
And you know, we hear these things like you got to feel to heal, but it's like feelings painful sometimes. How can we increase our capacity to be with ourselves even when it sucks inside, right? In terms of your own like current experience, but also the tools, you know, and practices that you've developed internally, you know, what are what are some of the things you tell your clients when they're struggling to just be with the sensations?
K: Yeah, it's really uncomfortable. And most of us from my own experience and then working with clients is that we are extremely disconnected from our body. And so we've created these protectors over time. And then it gets to a point where these protections really aren't serving us anymore. So there's some, you know, working with the clients, there's education piece of it of understanding of like when we continue in this path, these are the things that can happen.
Medically, there's things that can happen, you know, psychologically, there's things that can happen. And so that understanding of how our system works really helps people to release shame and then like understand what to do with it and not just be like it's just not some abstract idea that's kind of like stuck in their head. The other piece of it that's really important in this type of work is just meeting them where they are and starting where they are. So, you know, most people that are coming to me, it is uncomfortable.
It's uncomfortable to start to feel into the body. So really working slowly. And you know, the work, the education that I've done on my side, I can kind of tell like what is gonna be okay on their nervous system as far as like moving them forward, pulling them back. Um, the ultimate goal is that we're trying to expand what we're able to hold. And so all of these things that have happened in the past have really collapsed us on what we're what we're able to hold. And so we're starting to shed those things and be able to expand back into this place of, you know, I'm able to handle a lot more stress.
I'm able to handle all these things that are going on around me. And I might have, I might feel like a spike, you know, of like sympathetic energy come in in that fight or flight, but I'm able to come back down. Um that's really what the goal of the work is.
A: And that's so important because there's some people that really have not experienced being able to downregulate enough, you know, like they downregulate maybe enough to fall asleep for a few hours, right? Or yeah, to stop crying or stop hyperventilating, right? If they're like having a panic attack, like they experience that.
But what you're talking about is increasing the capacity for calm so that you can actually also increase your window, as they call it the window of tolerance to actually deal with sensations and feelings and situations. I mean, there's life situations that emerge that we don't necessarily see coming.
And so when we have this really narrow window, you know, and let's maybe talk about that. When people are living in fight or flight, what are some of the signs that they're living in fight or flight?
K: They usually have a faster heartbeat, shallow breathing, breathing in the chest. There tends to be a lot of tension in the body, shoulders hiked. They're not really present, they're doing a lot, you know, they're busy. They say they're busy a lot.
There could be other things like, you know, that are going on physiologically with the body, they could have high blood pressure, you know, other things like that that are associated with that as well. But they're reactive. Yeah. I mean, there's those are just a few things that someone who is more in like a height heightened flight or fright stage that they would experience.
A: And then how does that affect people like within an organization? You know, like if someone is in a position of leadership and they're living a good period of their time in this kind of fight or flight mode, how do you see that affecting the other people around them? Huge.
K: It's a huge effect. And I think that is one of the reasons why I find this work to be so um, I'm passionate about it because um, especially getting it into corporations and businesses, because ultimately we've all heard that, you know, it stems from the top. And this is exactly why, because if someone is we are energy. So if someone's energy is projecting this like very heightened state, that energy transfers onto the people around them.
Now we can do work ourselves so that we have like internal boundaries, right? And that's a lot of what this work is, so that we're able to stay like grounded in ourselves. But the responsibility is on the leader. And it's very important that the leader is aware of like where they are at and their systems and how that's affecting people around them.
We talk about this piece of co-regulation that it is, you know, we actually can regulate people to come into, you know, different states. And so if we're not skilled on it, then it's gonna be hard for us if we have a boss who's like in that flight or fight or flight most of the time, it's gonna be hard for us not to start to go into that type of energy, right? Like this is this is work that is, you know, not a lot of people don't have the skill set, right? It's a skill set.
Yeah, absolutely. So it's toxic, it's toxic, and then it just creates this spiral of that, you know, you can't get out of it as a company. A lot of times, you know, a lot of people are coming to me who are working at these corporations and and recognize it, right? And they're like, what do I do?
How do I deal, you know, with these situations? And there's lots of work that you can do to um increase the capacity and be able to set internal boundaries and then you can even co-regulate up, you know, up the ladder. However, I still do really truly believe that it's difficult in that situation because they they are in control. Um, right. They are the power. And so ultimately, you know, teaching that skill set to the to the higher level and then it trickling down is um
A: that's where we want to go, right? We got to get to the people who are making the policies, who are making the choices about how the business runs, right? I think what you're speaking to is really pertinent right now because more and more people are uh I think waking up to the fact that you know, we we don't have like we don't we don't have like our whole life to just spend tired and stressed out and miserable.
You know what I mean? Maybe when we were like, you know, generations before, with like, you know, people who had just survived a war or something, you know what I mean? Like in the Great Depression and all these other areas, maybe the boomer generation, this go to work and do your job for 25 years.
We're not living in that world anymore. People change careers all the time. People start businesses and you know, change directions multiple times in their life now. And so we really are living in a more dynamic world.
And one of the benefits, I think to that is what you're describing, which is that we don't have to stay in a toxic situation, right? We don't we're not bound to that, but we want to start creating awareness. We want to start creating organizations that can actually support uh a healthy business because that's good for business.
You know, you've got employees that are like, you know, able to work those long hours, like, you know, and and not pull their hair out and quit like in three months, you know, high turnover. That's good for business. You know, I think companies like, you know, these huge ones, like, and that's I'm sure that this isn't generalization, but you know, Google and all these places, they like they give their employees like body work and massages and they, you know, take them on team building, you know, experiences.
Like I think people are starting to clue in at the higher levels, right? But I think in terms of somatic work, it's right at the cutting edge. So, like what you're talking about, it's something that is there's a need for it. There's a growing awareness of a need for it.
And it's starting to happen more and more. It's like this is the next step for organizations, you know, corporations to actually have a more sustainable, healthy business model that doesn't just kind of have this high turnover and a lot of toxicity. What do you think about that in terms of how how we were doing it before with maybe like mindset work and like the things that were in like 20 years ago versus what you're suggesting we do now?
K: Yeah, I mean, I think those things are still beneficial, mindset work and and all of those other things are still beneficial. Um I also think they're beneficial to a point a lot of that, a lot of those tools can kind of become like a masking type of tools down to the root cause. So this work is really getting into the root cause.
And it's scary. It's, you know, like I've worked with enough businesses now. And so there's there's obviously companies out there that are willing to do this work that are open to it and curious. There's other people that are like, whoa, absolutely not. That feels like a total threat to my company, right?
And it is, it's new, you know. I I explain this a lot in conversations that I have, and people will say, well, like, yeah, remember when no one believed in chiropractors and now everybody goes to chiropractic care.
And it's like part of our most people's insurance now, right? And so I think that this kind of work will get to that level. It's just um it's kind of a concept that is a little bit harder to communicate in unless you experience, right? It's a very experiential experience. And so until you experience it, it's a little bit harder to accept what it is.
But it's also like a lot of people have a fear of like, well, what's gonna happen because we've operated in this way for so long of like putting these masks on or you know, controlling in certain ways, like I'm afraid, I'm afraid, you know, as the company of like, you know, I don't know what's gonna happen when we do that. And then an individual, they almost feel like they're gonna die, you know.
It's like, well, if I know that if I uncover all that stuff and I I let that stuff go, who am I underneath that? Um, so it is like a it does feel scary to both uh the individual and the um organization. And I am I'm starting to realize that that seems to be the area of why people are like, no, um, I don't understand.
It's not really an understanding, it's a it's a scary of like, I'm not sure what that's gonna bring me. And so having a conversation around like, you know, that it that it is a process. Um, we're the work that we're doing is rewiring your brain.
Um, we're creating new neural pathways, right? I think when we explain it in that way, it doesn't sound as scary. It sounds more hopeful and encouraging, like, you know, this has been something that I've dealt with for a really long time. And, you know, that I can do something different about it. Like it is possible that it can change.
A: Well, and you know, what you bring up is really important because when you're doing any kind of somatic work, there's always the chance that someone's gonna unearth something in their body that they didn't know was there, some kind of trauma or repressed memory or something that, you know, some sort of shame or really really unpleasant emotion and sensation that they haven't dealt with before, you know.
And so I do often from for the people that I work with in depth, there's, you know, most of the time kind of a prerequisite with, you know, have you already done, you know, talk therapy?
Have you already like, you know, dived into these things with someone at some point, maybe not somatically, but like talked about them, you know, been open about them, shared about them, you know, because this stuff is big. Like you said, you're getting to the root of these things. And so to bring it into an organization, I can see how you're describing that you kind of have to be careful.
You have to navigate this conversation skillfully. I'm curious, do you also have like suggestions for them in terms of aftercare? Like, say you go in and you do a seminar, you know, and there's maybe there's like, you know, 30 people and like 25 of those people feel infinitely better afterwards, but five of them feel kind of dysregulated and like maybe one of them is like reliving some crazy shit from their childhood or something, right? Like what do you suggest in terms of like aftercare for those kind of situations?
K: That's a really good question. So when I work with a corporation, I'm gonna meet whoever is in charge, whether that's the owner or someone in L and D, right? And we're gonna have a conversation of what is it that they want to get out of it? What are the, you know, problems that they're seeing? What are we trying to solve here?
They wanna see something KPI wise, you know, that's happening during this workshop. So I do have surveys that I give so to track that stuff and then to track like their specific goals. I'm never gonna do something that is too much. So like it's very different than like an individual that I would work with, um, where go into those deeper levels.
So it's more of like a surfacey level type of workshop. However, I will say they always in the beginning, I give them all my contact information to each individual for them to be able to reach out to me. That doesn't mean that they will, though, right? So there's follow-up care in terms of me continuing to follow up with the company.
I can't follow up with their employees directly and just check in and see how things are continuing to progress. It's and I I say, you know, like it, it's the responsibility of the company to develop that awareness as leaders, it is their responsibility to have that awareness of what's going on with the people that they're leading, right? Right.
A: Well, and what you're speaking to, and I think this is really important uh, you know, for the future of business, you know, however that's going to look for individuals or you know, large corporations is like when you're employing people, you know, you're employing the person.
They're gonna come to work with their kid having been sick, or their father just died, or you know, they're pregnant, or what like they're gonna be a human with a total living experience that's part of what you're responsible for, at least in some ways, as their employer, you know,.
That you're giving them a working environment that does not kind of draw more of their life energy out through, you know, its practices and you know, hopefully, like not as uh exploitive as some companies, but you know, exploitative kinds of roles and positions that companies sometimes have with really long hours and things like this. So when we're looking at kind of working with a whole person, I would think that you maybe you do this already.
Do you create like a structure for that business where you say, okay, you have this many employees, these are you the things that you want to see, like, you know, change or you know, grow. Maybe it's better communication between like teams and things like this. Would you suggest that they do a series of sessions? Like, because this is a process, as you said, versus just like a one-off.
K: Yeah, it's definitely a co-collaborative process. And most of the corporations that I work with, we decide that workshops are the are the best thing to do in the beginning so that we can build trust. I can build trust. And then, well, I mean, and the corporation can build trust as well around like this new idea of like training that we're doing, right? Um, and usually we decide like a series is going to be important because we can't really see too much of a shift in one session.
A: No, yeah.
K: Yeah. And we can do like a day-long workshop, and that obviously is we can see that would be okay. So I would recommend based off of what they were telling me. I would say, you know, I based off of my experience and who I've worked with in the past, we would do like three workshops if you want to do them like a couple hours spread out or like a day-long workshop.
Then this is what I would recommend after that. But I definitely want a co-collaborative process with them. You know, it's their company, they're the leaders of the company, they have to feel comfortable with what they're doing. And most of the times those leaders are gonna come, even though it's not specifically for them potentially, they're gonna come into that training as well. Right.
A: Yeah, yeah. And so for the people who are taking this workshop, and maybe also, you know, for your one on one clients, what are some of your approaches? We mentioned parts work for those who maybe haven't heard of that yet. You could describe what that is. Like, how is it that you're helping people to come out of this pressure that they feel inside? Yeah.
K: So the first thing I usually will do, especially with corporations. Well, with corporations, I'll usually start and I'll give more of like the neuro education. So they have an understanding and weave like integration in with that. And then once they kind of have that settle in their system, because that that in itself can release a lot of the shame that comes along with this work. It's like it's not a, it's really not about me.
It's just it makes sense that this is what my body is doing, right? Then we can move into some of more of like the somatic works and understanding like the there's a scale that we're on, right? And where are we operating on that scale? And then even understanding where other people that I'm working with operating on that scale and giving each other feedback.
And then how do I, you know, tools that I can increase this capacity that I can handle and then I can bring myself back. A big piece of it though, is doing in that specific workshop or that time period would to be able to not just do it for themselves, right? So it's not a especially in this type of environment, we wanna make sure that we're including all and we're able to give feedback back and forth.
That's been the coolest thing that I've actually been able to see because there's been a lot of breakthrough of like, you know, even being able to tell like one of the, you know, top people in a company of like, yeah, you shut down a lot, you know, and that makes me that, you know, it affects me because I'm not really sure what to do when I feel like you're shut down.
And and then that leader being able to take that feedback um is really it's transformative, you know, for for all involved to then it's just you can see like everybody just kind of like, oh, I'm so glad that was like talked about. Now we can move on, right?
And then after that, after we kind of do that work, I give them time. We do some integration practices within that. I give them time to go out and implement like kind of like what we've learned. And usually I'm in communication with like the leaders of like what's going on and like what's changing. Of course, I have the surveys so we can kind of track, and then we move into like understanding like our patterns.
And I don't usually talk about it as parts work or parts work therapy at all during corporations. It's more about patterns or triggers. So it's also relaying a language that they can grasp in these workshops as well. And they can grasp that. They're like, oh yeah, I know that I have a uh I have a pattern of like being um, you know, being perfectionistic in this work that I'm doing.
And it, you know, it kind of I know that it kind of drives people nuts around me. So yeah, we talk about it in that way or things that are triggers, and then we're able to have conversations like around those. And then we just get to know people on a deeper level, right?
And so we're not just stuck in this, like, well, they're the engineer in the company and you know, this is what they do, and it's all like this surface level level. There's a lot of like humanness that that comes to it. And then everyone just feels like it's just like it's so it feels so much safer. It creates safety for everyone.
A: Yeah, wow. I thought sounds amazing. I think that there's so many businesses that if they're brave enough to, you know, are courageous enough to go there with their employees, would see a really big change in how well people are communicating and working together when they feel more safe. I mean, that's a foundational piece is trust and safety.
And if we don't have that, you know, like it's gonna feel really chaotic, you know, inside our bodies, but also within a community or in this case within a company. So I think that what you're doing is really grounding. It sounds like you take a very practical approach in terms of how this translates, you know, to one-on-one clients, with your one-on-one clients, what kind of container do you usually like set for them? Do you work with them for a period of time? You know, how does that usually work?
K: I usually work with them for six months minimum. Um takes about six months for the brain to rewire. And so we're learning new things, and then we want those new things to stick. So that's part of why I recommend the six months. Um, and it is a container, and in that aspect, it's like, you know, I'm here for you for these six months. We meet on a weekly basis, you have contact with me.
You know, that's very open communication through an application where they can communicate with me. That's really important for that container to be able to move through the work and feel supported. And then a lot of like my role is showing up is showing up with very high regulation so that they start to understand like what that really is and what that really feels like. So there's a huge co-regulation piece in this.
A: And yeah, and I love what you've said about you being able to regulate or be at a high level of regulation. And what I want to say about that from my own experience that I'd love for you to add to this if you have something to add, is like that doesn't mean that you're calm all the time. It means that you can come out of the overwhelm. You can come out of the feeling of chaos and you can downregulate to a place where you can feel okay, even when you're not okay, where you can be present in your body even when it's hard, right?
K: Exactly. And I think this is really important, especially for me. And I've had this conversation with other coaches and therapists about like, is it is it and when is it appropriate to really share what's going on with us personally? And I find it to be really important because I think there's so much out there now of like that feeds into this perfection piece. Um, you know, that we're supposed to be in a certain way and like calm all the time, and that if you think that you're calm all the time and and you're putting that out there, then you're you're probably dysregulated. That's my opinion about it
A: because dissociated, yeah, just not feeling things. Yeah.
K: So yeah, but it's like if I you there's a difference between, you know, I feel more shut down and like sad because of like my specific situation that I'm going through right now, and then showing up into the session, or when I'm responding to a communication from them with that type of energy, right? It's that awareness of knowing like, where am I coming from right now? So that's the that's the difference. Yeah.
A: And I think some of that is it's somatic, meaning like how it works for me is like, you know, if I am in the middle of like something chaotic internally, you know, whatever that looks like for me at that day or that moment, whether it's worries about my family or blah, blah, blah, right? And I get an email or a message, and I might, you know, in my old patterning, have this urge to like, oh, I gotta respond right away. I gotta be on top of this, right?
And I gotta say the right things, right? Instead, I just go, I'm not available for that right now. I'm gonna give myself a moment. I'm gonna keep experiencing what I'm doing in my world. And then when I'm ready for that, I'm gonna respond and I'm gonna respond thoughtfully, and I'm gonna be in a different part of my nervous system when I respond, you know.
And I don't like say all that to myself. It's this intuitive like moment that I just make that choice. It's like right now, I just need to deal with this, right? Because that's that's an important deprogramming for me because I used to be like, you know, having my hands in all the pots all the time, you know.
K: Yes, that was a perfect explanation of how that goes. And we've been trained for so long of like immediate respond, do it now. Um, it needs to get done. And yeah, that was a huge shift for me too. And there's a lot of people out there that I work with or that I see that are still communicating in that way. And it's like just like, even if you're face to face with the person, right? And you start to feel a little like not in your not in your true self, it's okay to be like, you know what? I'm not, I don't really know how to answer this question right now, or you know, I need to take some time to think about, you know, what you're saying. Um it's okay to do that.
I mean, I just gotta, you know, I'm in the process of like canceling all of my wedding plans and um, you know, all the contracts and all that stuff. And this morning I got, and I've been waiting for it. I'm like, wow, I'm really surprised that I haven't gotten this message yet. But I got a message from a family member that was, you know, and then you start to you can tell when other people are responding to you or coming to you in these different states.
So I got a text that was like in this heightened state, and I was normally I would have responded back in that heightened state. And instead, it's like, I'm just gonna take a just gonna take a minute here. I'm gonna continue doing what I'm doing.
I'm gonna, you know, let it kind of be in my body and see how it feels. And then, you know, there's there's old patterns that come up with that too of like, you know, whatever it is, like, oh yeah, I'm this or I'm that, or see, it can reinforce those things, right? And it's just like, yeah, I hear you, I see you, but that's not really what the reality is.
And then, you know, once you kind of can get rid of all that cloudiness, then come back into like this present moment, then it's like, okay, now I'm gonna respond.
A: Well, and you're describing learning to be less reactive and more responsive, where you're not just like, oh, somebody's freaked out and upset. I'm gonna get freaked out and upset too, right? And, you know, maybe if you're already living on the verge of being freaked out and upset all the time, it's not a far, you know, distance to travel, right? But when we start to be able to downregulate and self-regulate and come out of the stress, even by, you know, a small percentage by a small percentage every day, right?
It's a practice. Then we get to that space where, okay, yeah, I'm not feeling like 100% right now, but like I'm not so close to my edge that this person and their nervous system is gonna tip me over, right? So I thought that was like a really great explanation of kind of how that can happen for you real time. It sounds like just earlier today, maybe that you instead of being like, oh, I feel this discomfort, like, how do I get rid of this as quickly as possible? Like do something.
Instead, you just sit with it and you allow it to exist and you be with the discomfort, right? And then you start to see what's underneath that initial reaction. There's programming, there's patterns, there's beliefs, there's memories. It's a whole world underneath of that that we never see if we're just caught up in the reaction and caught up in the drama. We don't see it. It seems like it's about like whatever the surface level thing is when there's actually this whole space underneath of that that's rich with knowledge and wisdom if we can like really tap into it, you know.
So for you, right? You're in the middle of this thing right now. What are some of the things that you're keeping in perspective during this time, given that you are this person who's been working with your nervous system for years?
K: That's a big question. So I ultimately just think that it comes back to what you just explained when you're able to not be caught up in the chaos or react to other people's chaos, that there is a lot of wisdom that lies there and that connects you with who you authentically are. And the more that you can connect with that, um, it it feels safe and it builds more and more safety. And it's all of this other stuff kind of it's still there and it can be louder at times and whatnot, but it's like those are just extensions of me.
It's not really like who I am. And so yeah, I mean being very aware of like this, the nervous system work. And I think we just went over like really that's what it is. That's really what the nervous system work is. I mean, there's a lot of like work that goes into it to be able to get to that point, I think, to be able to do that and be able to realize like, you know, it was immediate to me that I was like, oh, I'm it's it's bringing me up into the sympathetic state a little bit when I read the text, right?
And it's just like, okay, that's you know, noted. I mean, it's not the slow, right? Like you were saying, it's like pretty fast of how it goes. And then there's just like so much information that goes there. And then you just identity piece of just this connection of like this truce, who you truly are with all without all the stuff really is empowering, it builds confidence, it builds safety, and that's what really keeps you moving forward. And then it doesn't feel I don't know that I have to have a like perspective on it. It's just like this deeper knowing and operating from that deeper knowing. Right.
A: So realizing that even though it sounds like everything's a little bit turned upside down for you at the moment, there's this core that you're still able to access of who you are. And that is that piece that keeps you more grounded compared to how this would have been 10 years ago.
K: Yeah, I mean, honestly, 10 years ago, I probably would have moved through and been married and you know, who knows what would have happened, right? Okay, okay. Yeah. So I mean, um, you really get when you do this type of work, you really get to know yourself like so well.
And being in that alignment with yourself is just, I mean, I still think there's more and more that that will come, and I'll get more aligned to like who I truly am. But like that's what brings the peace. That's what brings the safety.
A: Yeah, well said. Yeah. Well, this has been a great conversation in terms of looking at the way that not only individuals but organizations can start to make shifts. And I think that you're also showing us the living example that you are of what this work involves because it's not, it's not always that you're going to feel better. You're going to feel, you're going to be alive.
You're going to be who you really are. And that is more important than just feeling better. You know what I mean? Because like we could eat a bowl of ice cream and feel better for 15 minutes or whatever, right? It's it's ultimately like a long form process here in terms of being fulfilled as a human being and connected to yourself in your life, right? Yeah.
K: And you know, it's not to say like it doesn't feel scary sometimes, or you know, it's um there's just there's a lot of unknowns for me right now, right? So, but I feel yeah, I think before I would have been really panicked and reacting to that panic. And now it's more of like, okay, I can feel that panic and I understand like why it's there.
And you know, tell me more. Like, what are you trying, you know, guide me more here with this like panic. But ultimately, you know, that I feel safe. I used to have a lot of panic around like, you know, these deep panics of like, I'm gonna be homeless or you know, I'm gonna end up in jail when it was like I hadn't even done anything. It was like these terrible things that it was like totally, and I get this a lot from people that will come together. Catastrophizing, yeah.
Yeah, like I just I don't trust myself. Right. I and I think I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop. So if you feel that way, this work is for you.
A: Yeah, I agree. I agree. Wow. Thank you so much. I I hope you're yeah, I hope your situation like gets more and more resolved and you can feel more just, I guess, at peace with your decision.
It sounds like you made the right decision for you. And it sounds like you are, again, like I said before, you're doing the work to be the guide that people need to actually move through the stuff that shows up for us in life, right? Like ending a relationship or working in a, you know, a difficult work environment with a dysregulated boss. Like these are big things that like affect us on a daily basis in our lives.
And people need tools, they need practices, they need that feeling of safety that you're describing. So thank you so much for coming on the show. It was wonderful to get to know you a little bit. Uh, is there any last things you'd like to say to our audience, maybe where they can find you or anything at all?
K: Yeah, I just like to say too that, you know, it's these things are gonna happen and they're gonna continue to happen in life. It's life. And it's not about it's not, you know, like being in it.
We always want to be like on the other side of it. It's like, okay, well, being in it right now is teaching me a lot and being able to just, you know, it's I hate to say what accept what is, but you know, it's just yeah, I mean, it's I think if we try to like push it away, that it's that's when we start to create some of the the dysregulation, right? Yeah. So yeah, they can find me on my website at Karen and Wellness.com. Fantastic.
A: Yeah. And then did you have anything in the show notes for them to check out? Do you have any special offers at the moment? Yeah.
K: So right now I have a group that's running, and I'll probably launch another group in April. And that's a really good way to join if you're kind of curious about the work, but not so sure to kind of experience the work before you jump into one-on-one. Yeah, and there's there's freebies and resources on my website as well. So check those out. And of course, on my socials, you can find a lot of information too. Fantastic.
A: Yeah, check out Karen's show notes for more information. And yeah, thank you again for coming on the show.
K: Thanks, Aimee.
A: Hey there, friends. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I would love to hear your thoughts. Follow me on Instagram at Aimee Takaya and send me a DM about this episode. I'd like to thank you for being part of this somatic revolution. And if you'd like to support the podcast and help more people learn about somatics, consider leaving a review or a rating.
And finally, if you'd like to have the experience of relief in your tight hips or back and learn to understand what your body is really saying to you, visit you can free your soma.com. I can't wait to share with you what is truly possible. Bye for now.
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