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EP88 - Regaining Control Through Relaxation: Overcoming Focal Dystonia with Emily Rieker

aimeetakaya

Updated: Nov 13, 2024




Chronic pain and physical limitations can feel unchangeable, but what if the body and mind had the power to heal beyond expectation? 


Today, Emily Rieker shares her remarkable journey of overcoming a seven-year struggle with dystonia through Hannah Somatic's practice. Emily not only regained function in her hand but experienced profound transformations in her overall well-being. 


Her story demonstrates the remarkable capacity of the nervous system to change and heal, even after years of apparent "stuckness." Listen to discover how embracing body-mind awareness can unlock new levels of freedom and healing.


In this episode, Emily Rieker shares:

- Her seven-year journey with dystonia and how she regained function.

- The mind-body connection’s role in physical and emotional healing.

- The unexpected benefits of somatic work, like improved relationships.

- Challenges with traditional medical approaches and misdiagnosis.

- How viewing the body as a dynamic system aids holistic healing.

- How physical improvements extend beyond hand function to whole-body mobility and tension release.

- Encouragement to explore the potential for personal transformation through somatic movement.

And so much more!


Follow Aimee Takaya on: 

IG: @aimeetakaya 

Facebook: Aimee Takaya 

Learn more about Aimee Takaya, Hanna Somatic Education, and The Radiance Program at⁠ ⁠⁠www.freeyoursoma.com.⁠⁠


LISTEN WHILE READING!

A: Hello everybody. Welcome to the Free Year Soma podcast. My name is Aimee Takaya. Did you know that your body, your nervous system can shift and change even things that have felt totally stuck and immovable? In fact, there's not a whole lot in our physical body that is truly permanent. 


Today we're going to explore this real time with Emily Rieker who completed radiance earlier this year and she went through a huge change from not being able to use her right hand for about seven years to being able to write and paint and start using her hand again through her somatic movements. So stay tuned. This is going to get really interesting today. 


A: Every day, there is a forgetting, and every moment there is the possibility of remembering. Remembering who you truly are, awakening to your body, to the inner world, to the experience of being alive. Here is where you find the beauty, the joy and here is where you free your Soma. I'm your host Aimee Takaya. I'm here to help you move from pain to power, from tension to expansion and ultimately from fear to love. 


A:  Hi Emily, how are you? 


E: I'm doing well, how are you? 


A: Yeah, so good to see you. 


E: You too. 


A: Yeah, so we met each other, I think, in person like last year in May, right? When you came to the day retreat, and then you came to the three-day retreat and you started feeling like things that had been really, really stuck with your right hand were shifting a lot in a short amount of time. You were very inspired to keep going with it. I even recall some of the movements that were the basic movements that we do in Hannah Sematics. 


You were like, oh, these are very slightly similar to some other things that I've been trying to address, dystonia. For those of you who don't know what dystonia is, we are definitely going into that today and the reasons why Emily wasn't able to use her hand and all the different things that she tried and how Hannah Somatics and doing these movements has finally created a big, big shift in this seven-year journey of frustration and confusion and all of that. 


So we're going to get into all that today, but before we start, I would just love for you to tell us Emily, there's been huge physiological changes in the way that your hand moves and the way that your body moves, right? But what are some of these non-physical benefits that you experienced from your somatic movement practice? 


E: Yeah, it's been life-changing. It's crazy that you said it's like, oh, we met in May last year. It's like, oh my gosh, there's been so many huge shifts for me and changes just like as a person and how I look at the world and how I approach everything from my relationships to work to being a better partner and being able to be true in myself in that and not so much worried or bogged down with all these other issues that are happening and just being more present and mindful to be better at every aspect. It's just crazy how much has changed in such a short period of time. But yeah. 


A: Yeah. Well, some of the physical stuckness that we experience is also mental and emotional. When I say non-physical benefits, it's like you've got the benefit of being able to use your hand again, which is massive, but beyond that, what you're saying is that there have been changes in your interpersonal relationships. There's been changes in the way that you view the world and how you interact with people and interact with yourself. Right?  


E: Yeah. And it's the kind of like blessing and curse that the stoning has been is really recognizing how much the mind affects like the physical states and everything else that goes along with it. So in shifting all these things and kind of working with them, it's yeah, it affects everything. Yeah. 


A: And you just said something really perfect there that tells me that you've gotten this practice. I mean, I designed Radiance. It's a six month, you know, in-depth program so that you have an experience of your life changing and you have an experience of your body changing. And we do that by working with. And so you just said that, you said working with these things, working with these aspects of yourself, because a lot of times we're taught to work on ourselves, right? 


Where like we're an object, and something's happening to us rather than these are all dynamic living processes that we're interacting with and with is much more interactive, right? And so I hear that even in your language and the way that you're speaking that you're starting to see the interaction between things versus just this is how it is. 


E: Yeah. And then that was like the whole different approach to it too. You know, and trying to like seek treatment, it was just focusing on my right hand, focusing on this and like treating that and not like looking at the big picture and trying to like adjust and address like the whole body, like mind, physical, emotional and everything that goes along with it. So. 


A: Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's, you know, let's go back then too, you know, when this first started for you because you were a right-handed person, and you had to totally shift that when you started having difficulties with your right hand. And I know that it was quite the journey to even discover what was going on, right? Yeah. 


E: Yeah. So it's really interesting. I think I started noticing issues with my writing and my right hand really through work. I was a new nurse working in a hospital dealing with really sick patients taking care of them. And I was like coming off of preceptorship. So I felt the weight of that, the anxiety that comes with that, and just the heaviness of being in charge of these people's lives for 12 hours and how scary that can seem. 


And so I think, you know, I kind of noticed it was, I was having a hard time writing, and it was getting worse and worse quickly. It was like, you know, I kind of was like, huh, this feels a little funky. Like I noticed a change in my writing a little bit. And then so it might have even been earlier than 20s. 


No, it's around 20-something. But then I would look at examples of my writing from before like in college or nursing school when, you know, it's still very stressful. But it didn't affect me in that way. 


And I noticed a change and it took me a while to even like see a doctor because physically I felt fine. And it's like, what, what do you say? I made an appointment with my primary care and I was just like, I'm fine, but I just can't write. And it's just, you know, and an abnormal problem to have. And I didn't really know what was going on. 


They didn't know what was going on. Everyone jumps to carpal tunnel or issues like that. And I would assess myself. And I didn't have any of the same signs of that or pain that is associated with it. It was different. 


It was this specific to writing. And I just had this weird cramp and it wouldn't move the way it used to. And I felt like I couldn't control my hand. But just when I wrote, and then I saw several doctors, I was referred to a hand surgeon at first to kind of assess the carpal tunnel. 


She made me feel like I was crazy. I left the appointment crying and, and yeah, just like, you know, is it all in my head, which it is, but not in the way that, you know, I was actually having these symptoms. And then I was sent to a neurologist who conducted muscles, nerve-muscle studies. All of the muscles were fine. But he was the first one that said, Okay, you have a problem writing, right? That finally took the time is like, Okay, show me, right for me. 


And he finally was able to put a name to it. He said, You have dystonia. You have focal dystonia, to be specific, which means it's a movement disorder. It's neuromuscular. It's involuntary, just contractions that, for me, I get with writing, people can get with playing instruments, or people know it in baseball as the YIPS. It's like this uncontrolled movement. 


That's, you know, there's, there's only so many treatments for it. So I went into this deep dive of what it is and what I could do or possible options for it. It was like, you know, I'm a nurse at this point, I think I had been on a nurse for a year. 


And I was trying to figure it out. So maybe even been longer. Yeah, that I took me just even get diagnosed. And so the treatment options, like traditionally, are medication, which I couldn't do. I couldn't take a sedative or something that would make me affect my thinking with work. 


There's Botox, which I did explore, which is just basically paralyzing the muscle to not contract and do these other movements, which I found made it harder to work. It's harder to I use my hands all day, and I couldn't open medication packets. I couldn't do injections. I had a hard time pulling up patients. I just the day-to-day tasks couldn't use scissors. 


I couldn't give a thumbs up. Just the things that you don't think about. Yeah, that that that were affected by it. 


And then therapy, like physical therapy, hand therapy. So it's a rare disorder. It's not a lot to know about it. 


But, you know, I'm wanting people to learn more about it because it needs to be explored. And all the like emotional aspects that came along with the diagnosis as well. 


A: Did you know that your muscles are holding on to thoughts, memories, and feelings? If you have a tight neck or back, you're not just getting old. You're experiencing a buildup of tension from the life you've lived. 


Most people don't know this, but there is a part of your brain that can reverse and prevent chronic tension. When you relax your muscles, you not only move better and regulate your nervous system, but you also free yourself from the grip the past has over your body. So you can live with freedom, confidence, and enjoy your life now. How does that sound? Join me, Aimee Takaya, and discover what my clients are raving about at youcanfreeyorsoma.com


A: Yeah, absolutely. Well, it's this thing that feels out of your control. Like you said, you felt like you didn't have control over your hand anymore. And it was getting in the way of all these very basic kind of normal activities that now you were, you know, unable to perform. And that can feel very scary. 


And also, like, I could see how easily, you know, one might jump into some kind of what's wrong with me. Like, there must be something that I have done. You know, even unconsciously, we can kind of slip into that. Like, what is it in me that is, you know, that is faulty and broken and wrong that this is happening to me? Right. And that can come with a lot of like, just like heaviness, you know, psychic and emotional heaviness. 


You know, and even I'm sure you experienced bitterness and frustration that people couldn't seem to give you any sense of like how to actually address this and make it stop, right? It was like, oh, you can try these things, but we're not sure. We're not sure whether this is going to help, you know, and then things like a sedative or something to paralyze the muscles. 


A: It's like, this doesn't sound like very helpful. You know, like, it sounds like these are, you know, these are things that you do when you're just going to have to live with this versus there's a way to resolve this. 


E: Exactly. Yeah, I felt like it was, those were all like band-aid solutions, right? It's kind of just like putting, not quite addressing, like the entire issue or why it's happening and not helping. It was like more of like a negative solution in my mind. Like it was making my life harder, not better. Yeah. 


A: Yeah. Well, and it's interesting because when you're, you know, describing what the doctor said to you about it being something autonomic, and I don't know if he used that word, but unconscious, like it's these contractions that are going on, that your nervous system is doing this and it's neurological, right? 


And you like, you can't change it just by kind of pressing on it. It's something that your brain is doing, right? But he didn't know what you now know, what we have done, which is totally possible, which is that we can get your motor cortex to actually undo that, to stop doing some of those contractions. And as you were describing in the introduction here, we're never just going to focus on your hand. 


Like you and I did hands-on work together, like we did in-person work together, and we worked a lot with your hand, but you also were practicing on your own with your whole body and working with releasing the muscles around your spine and around, you know, your shoulders and your back and your neck and your lower back. And even with that practice, you found that your hand was softening and your hand was shifting as you worked with your whole body, right? 


Because it's all connected. And so this is, unfortunately, something that most people don't know about, even doctors that can address a whole wide range of issues that people have where they're feeling stuck, you know, whether that's physically stuck with, you know, that tension or pain or discomfort somewhere, or you like very frozen, right, in your hand and unable to get your hand to relax, unable to get your hand to stop doing whatever it was doing, right? 


And, you know, your nervous system has a way, right, to change that and shift that, you know, so maybe you can tell us a little bit about, you know, when you were looking into the mental and emotional aspects of these things, like I think at some point, you know, there was a discussion of, oh, maybe you should be doing talk therapy, or you tried some kind of program where there were these kind of mental or emotional prompts. Can you tell us a little bit about that and whether that had any effect for you, whether that was effective at all? 


E: Yeah, definitely. So the more I was like working with therapy, hand therapy, and like delving into it, I was kind of shying away more from the Botox because I was realizing that it was more of like a hindrance for me than helping and kind of leaning into hand therapy, occupational therapy, they were great, but it was again, like finding adaptations, but kind of like band-aids to try and solve help, but it wasn't like addressing the core issue. 


So I've joined some groups, the best piece for me was joining Reddit, there's a dystonia group, and from there I heard about this, I think she's like a neuroscientist, Ruth Childs, she's from the UK and she has a program that was basically addressing like how the brain has these like mapping and so like the neural pathway basically that I had always had for writing had been disrupted, and she worked a lot trying to just like to mindfully get the body to relax and check-in.


And it was like kind of like how, and some of the things that we did to like check-in and trying to like relax your whole body, and then she associated it with like, you know, it could be some deep form of trauma that you had that you may never, you don't even know about or you haven't addressed and trying to like find this spot in your brain that basically is like the hot spot that's creating all these issues. 


And it was, I felt like I was getting on the right path with that, just trying to deal less with like the hand in itself and more like the mind, but I felt like it wasn't as accessible or like tangible. It was like going along the same kind of like almost the same like modality as somatic, but it wasn't, I couldn't like reach it because it wasn't like physical, you know.


A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of somatic modalities out there and even just somebody asking you to sense in and notice what's happening in your body is a somatic practice. It is a somatic thing to do, you know, and there's so many benefits to work like that, you know, going in and sensing and seeing if you can consciously relax things, but we can only consciously relax what we have access to, right, and how much access do we have to that space in our body, you know, how aware and how many pathways are going to that area and what are those pathways doing, you know.


And with Hannah somatics, what's so wonderful about this modality is that it has those sensing feeling experiential elements, but it's a physical movement practice with a very specific technique that actually gets your brain to gain access to that space to relax it or to let it stop doing whatever it's been doing. 


So it's doing and it's doing that simultaneously when you do the movement, you're reconnecting to that space through a physical action, not just by feeling into it, feeling into it while you're moving it, and then you are slowly letting it go and you're paying attention while you're letting your muscle relax, and then you're actually at that relaxation part, and that's a part that actually can take some time, right, it doesn't happen immediately. 


I mean, I remember there were a few sessions where it was like, oh, my hand is like 30% more relaxed, and then we would do a few more things, and then it was like, oh, now it's like even a little bit more relaxed, but not totally relaxed yet. And when you work with your whole body more, and by the end of the session, it was like, oh, my hand feels like way more relaxed, right, so it's something that happens gradually because we're rerouting, we're writing new neural pathways alongside the ones that we want to get pruned, right? 


E: Yeah, and I think it, for me, just involving the whole body and getting it to relax, like I like to move and that, and I like to have to dance, yoga, meditation, stuff like that, so it felt like more, I guess, more natural or just like felt better for me to do that, and it kind of showed me too, like how much it affected other parts of my body that I didn't even realize.


Like, oh, my shoulders tight, my backs tight, like, my neck and how I like tend to lean a certain way, like it's not just my hand or my forearm, and then just, you know, I would try to stretch, and I'd have special like hand therapy exercises that I would try to do and stretching, but like even just putting my hands back behind my head, I remember I used to have to use pillows to support that.  


A: Yeah, when you first started, yeah, because we do this movement, right, where you're laying on your back, and you put your hands behind your head, and for some people, their elbows can come down comfortably to the floor, and for other people, it's either pulling a lot when their elbows come down, like in their shoulders, or their elbows just don't go down, they're like floating, and it was, you know, I think a month or something into radiance that your elbows were down, yeah, like your body had released enough that it wasn't hard to have your hands behind your head anymore. 


E: Yeah, or even like, you know, having to rest my hand up on a pillow and just like getting natural acts, and now it's really amazing how far it's come. Yeah, it's yeah, gives me hope. 


A: And it's that's a huge thing to have hope, because when I met you, you felt very hopeless. And when we feel hopeless, when we feel down about ourselves and about our lives, like, that's when we start using other things to cope that aren't so healthy, whether that's in healthy relationship dynamics, where we're maybe overly accommodating to our partner, or we don't have good boundaries, because we're desperate to, you know, get that love and attention that we need, you know.


There's so many different ways that people seek out ways to comfort themselves when they feel hopeless, that actually kind of aren't authentic, or really who they coming from who they are, but coming from a desperation, right? Can you share a little bit about like, you know, during those seven years, when you were really confused and hopeless, you know, how do you feel like that colored your life? 


E: I mean, when I first was diagnosed, you know, I wasn't I was anxious from work, I wasn't in like a super healthy relationship at the time, and I just felt really like, kind of lost. And I ended up like, moving out of that relationship and starting on my own. And then I felt really like alone. 


And, like, how am I going to do this? It was just in general, I felt like I was like, taking things away. Like, I can't was a big thing. Like, I can't cook on my own. I can't do this. 


A: It was your hand, because of my hand. Yeah. So it was like, you know, I felt like I was getting stripped of all these things I used to do, or, or wouldn't even think about. And then now I'm on my own, like, how am I, how am I going to do this? So it was like, I did feel hopeless, you know, and like, what's the answer and, and trying to find and, you know, it's depressing. And I leaned into like drinking and trying to find that. 


And, and I've read to that, like, a lot of people who suffer with dystonia rely on alcohol, because it does kind of like dampen the anxiety or some of the symptoms that go with it. But I wasn't happy. I wasn't healthy. I hadn't been, you know, I was like, I can't wait lift anymore, which I had, I used to love. I can't, I wasn't cooking. I just felt like I, there was all these things I couldn't do. And then there's pandemic too. Yeah, that didn't help either. 


E: So, you know, not only was I like, isolated by myself and like, this new space and not being in a relationship, I really felt like alone. And now it's like the whole world is isolated from me being a nurse. And like, you know, it was just, it was just a hard, weird time. Yeah. 


A: It sounds like a tremendous amount of stress. And we kind of touched on this earlier, but you know, becoming a nurse, it's your first year nursing. It sounds like you were not in a very healthy relationship during that time as well. Like, all of that sounds like it was a pretty stressful period. What a lot of us don't realize, and I talk about this a lot, you know, in somatics, is that there's an ongoing accumulation of stress that we're all experiencing. 


And depending on what kind of childhood you had, or what kind of experiences you had early on, you know, or then also physical things, if you had car accidents, if you had injuries of some kind, you know, but also just the ongoing mental and emotional stress of being a human, right? And it has a muscular impact. So your body was getting tighter and tighter. And then it finally, in your case, expressed itself through this dystonia in your right hand. 


For somebody else, it could be lower back pain. For somebody else, it could be showing up as, you know, all kinds of stuff when our nervous system that has out of whack, it affects every other aspect of our body and our lives, right? And so when you started releasing in Hannah somatics, some muscular stress and helping your body calm down and calm down and keep calming down, right? 


Which was a process. Then you could notice the tension. You could notice the stress tightening your body, right? 


Tell us a little bit about that. Like, how do you feel now when you get stressed? What do you notice happening versus how it was when you were just always stressed? 


E: I think in general, I'm like, kind of an anxious person. So it, you know, it's just interesting how it manifested its way to this. But it was my body's way of showing me and telling me to slow down. Like, okay, it's, I've been like this for however many 29 years or whatever, you know, it's time to address it. I can only like push this off for so long, or that's what I had been doing. 


So like I say, it's a blessing in disguise because it really got me to slow down and work with myself. And so yeah, like peeling away the layers, like you said, it was, I was so focused on my hand. And I remember, like even the day retreat that we did, it's like, I couldn't let go completely. It felt like my arm, there was something that like I wanted to relax, but I didn't, I wasn't able to. 


I could still feel some tension there. And then slowly just doing more and more of the practice. And then, you know, even from doing a three-day retreat, it's like peeling away the layers, like, oh, maybe now, like, my arm isn't as tight or as tense as it has been. 


Now it's like, it's moved to my back. And like, in these, in these different ways, and, and just kind of like, you know, the more layers I peel, it like, it can, it can change in thoughts. But now I know when I do feel anxious, like I had, I had a really busy summer with traveling, and it was great and, and visiting family and friends. 


But I, that leaves little space to do my practice. And I was like, I know what I need to do. I had this like shoulder pain. And I'm like, I know it's, I'm just contracting it's like on tense. And I just need to like, take the time to do some somatic and my practice. And when I finally did it, he got it to go away. 


A: Yeah. That's such a miracle when you really think about like how people take pain meds for years. They go spend thousands of dollars and thousands of dollars at the chiropractor, and they get limited relief, you know, from things sometimes depending on their nervous system, right? 


And I mean, you, you texted me like, I think a couple weeks ago or something like, you're like, oh, my body is so tight from like all this meat on vacation. And you're like, and then I laid down, and I did 15 minutes of somatics, and everything's okay now. 


E: Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's really crazy. Like, it was my arm, my hand, like I hadn't felt pain like that in a really long time when I was on my vacation. And I was, it was just so sore and like, yeah, doing the 15 minutes, it got that to relax. But then again, like the layers, like my back was still kind of there. I could feel that. But then, just even working with you on Friday, it was like, I had my coworker come up to me because he knew I had our meeting. 


He's like, Oh, how'd it go? I'm like, I didn't even think about it, but my pain's gone. Like it wasn't, it wasn't even there. It's just so wild to be like, Oh, I've been carrying that with me for like a month or even longer. And it's just like, you forget about it because it's not there. Yeah, which is amazing. 


A: Well, and I say this to you know, because you're part of now my Radiance alumni, which is like a, you know, special group of people who've all done the six-month program. And so you guys got really good at somatics during that time, because you're taking class, you know, two hours, you know, group sessions every week for three months, and then, you know, a little bit slower on the last three months, like less sessions, but you also have one on one time, like it's very comprehensive in terms of building your skill level at releasing. 


And I say this a lot in the program, but it's good for anybody to hear this, even when you're not thinking about like somatics or neuromuscular release, there is no starting from square one. 


We are always an accumulation of everything that came before. And so when you practice your somatics, you know, in the alumni group, right, this last Friday, we meet with the alumni once a month to all practice more advanced movements together, right, your body was able to release very deeply in that session, because you've been come very good at this, you become very good at relaxing, right. 


And now it's just about practicing, you know, like anything else, because, you know, life gets busy. And yeah, it takes 15 minutes, but it's easy for us to kind of like, like, put it off, you know, I'll do it later. Oh, it's not that bad. I can hand, you know, oh, it's not hurting right now. And then, you know, you go lay down in bed, and you're like, Oh, I'm really, I've really hurt now. 


A: Right. So it's easy to fall out of the practice of it. But I also like to tell people like, not practicing is sometimes part of your practice, because then you feel the tension that's accumulating, you know, and then you're motivated eventually to do something about it. Right. So I think it's just so amazing that you've reached this point with the practice where, yeah, where you can take care of yourself in this really huge way. 


E: Yeah, yeah, it's really amazing. And, and, you know, giving myself the time and the space to, to do that. It's just, yeah, it's been life-changing. Really. 


A: People, people struggle with that too, making the time and taking the time to take care of themselves. You know what I mean, like, especially if they have a lot of responsibility, whether that's at their job or for their family, you know, and I know that you just kind of said that, like, when you're on vacation or when you're traveling, and you're doing a lot more interaction with other people, right, do you find that it's harder for you to take time to just peace out and take care of yourself? 


E: For sure. You know, it was kind of, I would do like small movements just because I'm like, okay, I can, I can tell my body's telling me that I need to take care of it and do something about it. And I would get some relief, but it wasn't the same as like spending 10 minutes, 15 minutes by myself, like, completely, and getting it to totally relax. So yeah, it was definitely hard. 


But when I, even when I did spend the 15 minutes, I was like, still in a room with everybody else, like, you know, having babies, like, jump on me and stuff. But, you know, it's kind of like this is what it is right now. And, and anything is better than nothing. 


A: So yes, yes. And that's what I love about this work too, is it's very accessible, right. And you can learn to do, like you said, those little movements in the moment to kind of, you know, let your body know, like, I hear you, we're doing something about it, it might not be everything that we could do, but it's something right now. You know, and just that is like a little bit of a mood booster. 


It's a little bit of a way of like, giving yourself like support, giving yourself like a little hug. Yeah. Do you feel like your connection to yourself has changed? Sensomatic? She touched on that a little bit. How do you feel like you relate to yourself differently? 


E: Definitely. I think just listening to my body a lot more, like I was talking to my friend Amanda, who also has done program. And yesterday, like, I was just feeling like really emotional yesterday. I just, I had a really tough work weekend, you know, spent 24 hours working. And it was like emotionally really draining with a patient, like just kind of like seeing what needed to happen and not like getting the response I needed from the doctors. 


And then basically, they're just like, I ended up putting them on comfort care, which is what he needed. But it's you don't really realize how draining that can be until like afterwards. Yesterday, I was just like, I'm exhausted. And it's not, it didn't quite feel physical. 


But I think it was just like emotionally had taken a toll. And so I sat down trying to catch up on my somatics that I missed. And I was just like, I'm not in it right now. Like I'm, I had a hard time focusing. And I was like, I don't want to waste this either to, I want to experience my practice. 


And I want to like be there for it so I can like be totally present. And just having that where with all I think to be like, okay, maybe this is my practice is stepping back for right now. And taking the time and like, I'm so glad I did because I decided to take my time and paint and made some like big strides with that. It's like, okay, that's just kind of like listening to myself more and being able to see what my body's telling me I want and my mind and being accepting of it. Like, I wanted to work out yesterday, I wanted to do my like kickboxing class. And I was like, I'm not feeling it. I'm not. Maybe I just need to make soup instead. 


A: You know, yeah, well, it's this again, idea of going with going with ourselves instead of trying to force ourselves to do things that, you know, maybe we want, but another part of ourselves is like, ah, it's not really what's going to be most helpful right now. You know, or maybe we think we know it would be good for us, right? Except right now where we're at mentally or emotionally, like it's going to be, it's going to be kind of forceful, we're going to be like forcing ourselves to go through this. 


And instead, finding a way to honor how you feel and actually listen to those subtle signals of what might actually be the best thing and, you know, and being able to be dynamic and make those kinds of dynamic choices rather than kind of we sometimes get, I used to be very authoritarian with myself, like the rules about how to like do things and live my life. And if I said I was going to do something, I was going to do it, you know, and that's, that's not like wrong. 


It's nothing wrong with that. It's just that I didn't have another way that I could be. And what Somatics has offered me as well is like just an alternative that it could be some other way. And it doesn't have to be this way that I imagine it at this moment. There's a lot of possibility for what could be beneficial or what could be helpful, you know, or what could move me from A to B. 


E: Yeah. So I think just, just giving, allowing myself, like you said, an honoring, like trying to listen to what it's telling me and doing that. And like, now I'm like, Oh, I can't wait to do my practice. 


I'm going to do it like when we have thoughts to call. So, you know, it's like, I'm, it's like, I'm in a, the right mindset that I needed to be, that I wasn't quite there yesterday. And like, like you said, honoring that. So yeah, it's, it's, whereas to oppose before I could have been like judgmental or saying, thinking I was lazy and not like doing the things that I should be doing, you know, or thought that I should be doing, but ultimately, you know, realizing that, that every little thing plays a role in, yeah. 


A: Yeah. And helping heal ourselves. Definitely. Oh, you know, I was realizing this when, so you came to the three-day retreat. And one of the big things that the three day retreat was you noticed that your face looked a lot different. 


Yeah. And then other people in your world were like saying that your face looked a lot different too. Can you tell us a little bit about that physiological change? Because it's kind of novel for people who haven't seen their face change in this scenario before. 


E: Yeah, that was, it's crazy. Cause I was looking at pictures yesterday, actually, and I was like, Oh my gosh. And it, I did look like I was like, so much more relaxed and glowing, like even compared to now, but I can, I can still see the changes that it's done. 


But I think with just like stress patterns and like holding a lot of tension in my forehead and my eyebrows, you know, getting to get that to relax. I feel like, for some reason for me, whenever I am laying down and do like the cross-body, like kind of like little crunch, I feel my face just like releasing all of that tension. I feel my forehead letting go. And, you know, and kind of working with you and doing some of like the facial like scrunches on one side and getting it to relax and like, you know, really delving into that. I have noticed a difference. 


It's like, it's more evened out and symmetrical, more symmetrical. And yeah, just not just holding onto that, even subconsciously, all that tension. And like you said, it's, I think you said at the retreat too, it's just like, I wouldn't say I'm like, have a mean face. 


But I guess I'm always felt like it was like anxious, maybe, or, or, you know, kind of not just like open, which I'd hope is kind of like the more of the person than I am. I'm, I love helping people and being there for people, and want to be open. So like having that be communicated across my face, because I'm feeling more open. And healthy and happy was just kind of like a nice bonus. 


A: Yeah, we get to meet a new version of ourselves when we do this somatic releasing work, because we get to meet who we are underneath the stress, right, that we realize, oh, I'm actually not my stress pattern, like that's part of my nervous system, you know, doing its thing so that I can survive like a difficult moment or survive something challenging. 


But I'm not my stress pattern. I am underneath of it, they're waiting to be, you know, remembered and waiting to shine, you know, and that's like part of why I call the group radiance is because as you release those layers, right, you start to feel that sense of like warmth and glow. 


And, you know, that openness, right, but it's, it's not like just total openness, it's like openness that like can be a little bit like flexible, you know, did you find and here's a good interesting question for people who've done radiance, did you find that you feel like boundaries and your relationships are different? 


E: I don't know about boundaries, but I feel like I'm better at, like communicating and like seeing things, I'd say I always saw things from every side, but I think I don't take it as personally now, maybe, like it's and it's not as reactionary when I do have, you know, tough conversations and less defensive, I guess. 


A: Yeah, I can see how that could be related to, like, the idea of a boundary, like, then you're not taking it personally, it doesn't have to like mean something about you, it's almost like there's there's space between like what someone said and like you, and it doesn't have to like hurt, it can be something where you hear their feelings without like making it mean something about you, is that kind of what you mean? 


E: Yeah, and I think, you know, I've always been such a perfectionist like any criticism I would take personally and like that like that kind of defensive. And so I feel like now it's saying realizing like, okay, this isn't like, I don't need to get defensive about it, I can see like how can I use this? How can I use this to better myself, you know, right through work, through relationships, through, through everything, you know, it's, it's not an attack, it's an opportunity for growth. 


A: Love that. Well, and that fits so well with what you're describing with the way you're, you know, things shifted for you from being hopeless and confused and what's wrong with me, and there's something wrong with me, like when you're living in that kind of nervous system state of there being something wrong with you, like, you know, you're bracing for like the world to tell you that you're wrong and bad, and there's something wrong, you know.


When you are in a space where, oh, wow, you've actually these things that felt immovable in my body are changing, and I'm changing them, and there's hope, and there's like possibility, you know, that is a growth mindset, that is like things can shift and change, I can shift and change. And therefore, like you said, if there's something that, you know, happens and I had a blind spot, you know, and I didn't understand or didn't see, you know, something, I can do things about it. I'm not stuck, it's not this, you know, reinforcement of being bad and wrong, right? 


E: Yeah, just, you know, how fluid things can be and, you know, with humans and with life and after everything, it's like, it's not rigid, it's not black and white, there's, yeah, it's got to be flexible. 


A: Yeah, and the somatic movements definitely make us more flexible and, you know, and they also make us feel stronger. So I know you were limited by, you know, the dystonia in so many ways, and one of them was exercise, right, because when you would do exercise, it would tighten things up even further, right, and you might get a lot of cramping or, you know, even more pain, right? After, like, I think, what was it, like month four or five in the six-month program, you started exercising again, and how's that been? 


E: It's been amazing. It's just, it's given me back a whole, another aspect of my life that, you know, I had worked out and done lifting and really enjoyed it up until, you know, I was like 20, 29, until I started having these problems and stopped, you know, so I restart again being 36, now 37, and it's, I feel like I have part of my old self back again.


And feeling supported, like, I was afraid to lift, I didn't want to like aggravate it or make it more tight than it already was, but now I feel like I've been able to let go so much and relax it that I'm starting from a lower level, you know, of tension, so I have more room to explore and to work with it, and even if I do get too tight, if I do overdo it or something, now I have a way of releasing that and relaxing that, so it's given me more room to do that, and I love it, and you know, it's, I feel healthier, I, you know, I feel stronger, yeah, I've been really enjoying that. 


A: Yeah, well, and it's right on time too, because you know, like, I'm headed there too, like late 30s and 20s, like this is when we actually really need to increase our self-care, you know, a lot, because like, our bodies are shifting and changing, and they need more support, and they need different kinds of support than they did when we were younger, and so it's one of these things where, if you look at the trajectory that you were on, like a year and a half ago, versus how you view the future now, it's pretty different. 


E: Yeah, yeah, definitely, you know, it's definitely more optimistic and just exciting too, it's like, I'm getting to explore cooking, and like, I totally had kind of like left that off, and I felt like it wasn't as healthy, and I had enjoyed cooking, it was like a part of, you know, a stress relief for me getting to do that, and now I have it again, I get to enjoy it again. So yeah, it's just kind of giving me a whole another lease on life. 


A: Yeah, no, I'm so proud of you, I just think you've done so amazing with this, and just watching you shine and, you know, feel better, and, and, you know, feel like you have choices, feel like you have more agency than you felt like you, you know, had has been so incredibly inspiring to me, you know.


And, you know, Amanda, who's our, you know, mutual friend, she started, she was one of my very first somatic students, and she's just been so supportive and encouraging for, you know, people to try this because it really is something different, and there's so many different challenges that we're facing that wouldn't be as difficult with a more calm and relaxed body/nervous system, right, whether it's mental and emotional stuff that's going on or literal physical challenges like the one you were having, like, I think in your, in your irradiance testimonials said like, anybody could do this, and it would benefit anybody to work with their nervous system in this way. 


E: Yeah, definitely. And just, you know, like I said, that like realizing how interconnected all of it is, like, if you, one could think like, oh, I'm just anxious, or I have this body thing, and just like, how much it helps everything. Yeah. 


A: Wonderful. Well, what advice would you have for somebody who's just getting into somatics, like maybe, you know, doing some movement videos, or maybe they had like one session with me, but they're not sure, what would you say from your, you know, now rather deep experience in this, what would you say to someone who's first starting out? 


E: I guess, just kind of like enjoy it and give yourself the time and, and space to kind of explore it. You know, it's kind of like, for me now, it's like an almost like a spa session, you know, it's like this is like, this is, it's like a treat for me. So I guess just like, getting to experience that and really like enjoying the time and the movement that you get out of it. 


A: That's great advice, I think, because sometimes this feels too easy, like, because it's so relaxing, and there's no pain, you know, ideally, like, there's, you know, and it's just very calm and small, gentle little movements compared to what most people are used to. 


I think, especially even for me in the beginning, it was like, I thought that in order for any kind of change to happen, it had to be intense and painful. And so your advice to actually just let yourself enjoy, but this is enjoyable. 


A: Yeah, yeah, definitely. I know, and like stretching, you know, it's like you're trying to do like yoga or like getting further into a movement versus like with this, it's like, oh, maybe you're backing off from the movement. It's kind of like, you know, like, how can I do less? So yeah, it's really amazing. 


And then just, you know, enjoying those moments I've definitely had of like, you know, like euphoric afterwards or like really meditated and almost like transcendent, just like really getting into that headspace and enjoying when you do get that experience and opportunity. 


A: Wonderful. And then, you know, I'm continuing to create like in-person experiences for people, right, who can then come to like a retreat like you came to or, you know, have some in-person experience because that's so beneficial. 


You know, the hands-on work has been like the partner to like the movement practice specifically in your recovery, right? From D'Sonia. So like, you know, what would you say that someone would expect when they come to like a somatic event? What would you say that they can expect? 


E: Gosh, it was just so nice. I'm like, I think back to, you know, when we did the Baldy retreat for three days, it was just, it's nice to just kind of like unplug and focus, you know, on yourself and your healing and have it be like all-encompassing versus like this. 


It's nice to have these like two-hour or one-hour sessions, you know, that you do for yourself, but to have it be filled throughout your whole day and really like deep diving into it, I think, you know, it gave me a great foundation to build from and to know what I'm capable of and what it can feel like. Yeah. It was really nice. Yeah, and the food was amazing. 


A: Yeah, well, I'm definitely a foodie, and I've got my whole like, you know, history with food, and so yeah, the food has got to be, it's got to be good for me to have a retreat. 


E: And just, you know, using that as a modality to heal. 


A: Yeah, wonderful. Well, I just so, again, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you sharing this story. So other people with focal D'Sonia, right, or other kinds of nervous system challenges can actually hear about what it's like, you know, to see something that felt so immovable and so permanent quote unquote, for like seven years of your life that it could shift dramatically in a six month period of time. 


Yeah. You know, that's, I mean, that's phenomenal. That's like what we might call like a miracle. And yet, and yet your body was capable of doing this the whole time. It was just nobody ever showed you how to use your brain and use your body in this way. 


E: Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's, it can give so many people hope and be beneficial because, you know, there's different forms of D'Sonia and different severities of it. I feel lucky in the fact that, yes, it's just my right hand, which, you know, does affect a lot of things being right-handed, but it's I can still walk. 


I can still, you know, dress myself and do a lot of things and a lot of people, it can affect them to the point where they're bedridden and being able to do this practice in bed and doing small movements and, you know, it's, it can just be life-changing, like it has been for me. 


A: It can regain, regain the control in your body that feeling that your body's out of your control and it's like separate somehow from you and doing something, and you don't know what it's doing, and you don't know why it's doing that. This is this whole thing is about regaining that control and that connection. 


And as you said, you can do this literally laying in bed. And so for any of you who are listening out there who are listening to the story about Emily's focal D'Sonia and you're wondering, could Hannah's somatics help me? I think Hannah's somatics could help you. I really do. 


E: And definitely practice and a process. That and like how reasonably short amount of time, like some of the other treatments I was looking at, it's like, it's an all-day affair of treatment and journaling and all this stuff. And this is just, you can take that 15 minutes. Anyone can take 15 minutes and just get them to relax and have it beneficial. 


A: Yeah, absolutely. Thanks again for sharing your story and for coming on the podcast. You're now in Revive, which is my other program. And you are joining us for that one, which is shorter form. And I created one that's like this deep, big six-month dive. 


And then I created this other one that can be more like a tune-up for people like you who've also been doing the somatic work for a while, but also for newcomers and people who haven't done this before, but aren't ready to invest in the time or the money into radiance, but want to give this a go, want to give this like a serious nine-week experience. 


So you'll have to let us know how that goes. I know you're going to just enjoy every moment of it. Fantastic Emily, thank you so much for sharing again. And I will talk to you very soon. I'll see you very soon. 


E: Thank you so much. 


A: Hey there, friends. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I would love to hear your thoughts. Follow me on Instagram @AimeeTakaya, and send me a DM about this episode. I'd like to thank you for being part of this somatic revolution. And if you'd like to support the podcast and help more people learn about somatics, consider leaving a review or a rating. 


And finally, if you'd like to have the experience of relief in your tight hips or back and learn to understand what your body is really saying to you, visit youcanfreeyoursoma.com. I can't wait to share with you what is truly possible. Bye for now. 


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