Ep 12: Owning Sexuality and Leadership with Bekah Slider

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What happens when you refuse to compartmentalize your sexuality from your leadership?

In this week’s episode, confidence coach and motivational speaker Becca Slider shares her journey from conservative Christian pastor to embodied leader who unapologetically integrates sexuality with purpose. 

This episode challenges the toxic cultural narrative that women must choose between being respected and being sexual, and offers a roadmap for reclaiming the power that comes from full-body authenticity.

Bekah takes us through:

– Her transformation from ministry to embodied leadership

– How religious conditioning shapes our relationship with sexuality

– Why embodiment is key to authentic confidence

– Emotional alchemy practice for releasing stuck emotions

– Releasing shame and redefining what power looks like for women

– How embracing sensuality strengthens leadership and self-trust– Shifting focus from who might judge you to who will be magnetized by your truth

– How to discern between fear-based decisions and genuine alignment with integrity

And so much more!

Bekah Slider⁠ is a Confidence Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Host of “The Courage to Fully Live” Podcast. Bekah is an ex-pastor who walked away from ministry, religion, and unsupportive beliefs in order to find, fall in love with, and live as her true self. 

She helps women drop the good girl persona and create a full turn on of their voice, visibility, and impact. She also occasionally gets a little naked on OnlyFans. 

Connect with Bekah Slider:   

IG: ⁠@bekahslider⁠

FB: ⁠bekahslider⁠

OnlyFans: Bekah Slider

Podcast: on Apple & Spotify

Connect with Aimee:

Instagram: @aimeetakaya 

Facebook: Aimee Takaya 

Learn more about Aimee Takaya, Hanna Somatic Education, and The Radiance Program at⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠www.freeyoursoma.com⁠⁠⁠.⁠⁠

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A: Hey there, welcome to the Free Your Soma podcast. Have you ever been afraid that your sexual expression will cause others to lose respect for you? Especially as a woman, this may have been a theme perhaps in your life. Why is this the case? Why does it continue to be this way throughout our culture? And how can leadership and sexual expression coexist in a person? 

This is what we're going to explore today on the podcast with Becca Slider, Confidence coach and motivational speaker. She's going to be sharing some of her own personal experience with this dichotomy, and I'm so excited to have this conversation. Stay tuned. 

Every day there is a forgetting, and every moment there is the possibility of remembering. Remembering who you truly are, awakening to your body, to the inner world, to the experience of being alive. Here is where you find the beauty, the joy, and here is where you free your Soma. I'm your host, Aimee Takaya. I'm here to help you move from pain to power, from tension to expansion, and ultimately from fear to love. 

A: Hi Becca, how are you today? 

B: Hey, I'm great. Thanks so much for having me. 

A: Yeah, my pleasure. I'm very excited for this conversation. You shared just a little snippet of kind of your personal journey and story and I find it fascinating kind of like where you've come from to land where you are, right? But maybe we can start with just kind of a simple question here. How do you feel that sexuality and leadership are linked? 

B: I think right now, culturally speaking, they're linked in a pretty toxic way in a way that causes people to automatically associate disrespect for, they cannot coexist. You know, sexuality and sexual expression and leadership, it's almost like a taboo topic. 

Like that's just not it. If you're highly sexual or expressing yourself sexually, then that's that, but no one is going to actually truly take you seriously, truly respect you and truly look to you as a leader and someone they want to learn from and glean from, unless they're looking for sex worker information or things like that, right? It's very, it's very specific to the sexuality. 

You can't be, there's no both and in that realm and that's kind of how our culture sees it. And then how I see it, because she didn't specify which way, how I see it is they absolutely can coexist. And actually, I think it is our job, especially as women, because that's where, that's where they don't coexist is more along the lines in the respect to women. 

It is our job as women to actually spearhead and create the movement and the revolution of showing we can be highly sexual should we choose to be and highly respected. Those two things are part of our birthright, a part of who we actually are, and they can absolutely coexist. And it doesn't mean every single person in the world will walk along that line with us and say, yes, I can see how this can coexist and I respect you in that way. 

It doesn't matter, but there will be people who rise up to the occasion and say, Oh, wow, I've been looking at this all wrong. I've been seeing it only in this, this tunnel, this vacuum of sorts in the way that I've been programmed to view it. And I don't actually have to view it that way. And they start questioning why they viewed it that way. And we create this whole paradigm shift of sexuality and leadership in our culture. 

A: This is wonderful. I think what you're saying is very profound because I think there's a double standard for women that, you know, we can talk about from a few different angles, but that a lot of times, you know, men who are in these positions of power and then our sexual abuse that power, right? 

And so maybe there is a concern or a fear or a double standard for women that women are also going to somehow abuse that power, right? And then of course, we could get into like the, you know, history of like, fearing women being in power to begin with. So then the idea that a woman is in power and she's a sexual being is even more confronting, right? Absolutely. 

B: Absolutely. That's so true at such a base level, because I think what you see too in the world is, if a woman is in that position, you hit the nail on the head, it's like, are they going to be then, is it only about manipulation? 

Right? If a woman is in leadership, and then they find out like, oh, she is very sexual, she's very in touch with her feminine, her sexuality, people start to put stigmas on, oh, it's just for the purpose of manipulating her way up the ladder, right? Versus no, this is actually her embodying part of her creatrix, right? That the sexual part of us is literally the creative part of us, our creative fuel, our life force. And so there can be so much good and so much beauty that comes from it instead of just viewing it as that. Unfortunately, I feel like also as women, we've been taught that that's what it's for, right? 

Like, oh, well, if you're going to use it in a position of power, it's for the purpose of manipulation. And so that's why I say we as women have to change the narrative because we're the ones to shift the story in our own heads first and our own minds first in our own bodies first and start driving where we want this to go and showing ourselves first, what it looks like to be in touch with our deep sexual essence and in touch with our deep leadership. 

They are not separate beings, they coexist and they actually end up magnifying the energy that we can be in touch with and really embodying this essence of so much more than we could ever even know or understand about ourselves without them being together. 

A: Yeah, so I very well said I kind of got the image of when we try to compartmentalize or separate those pieces of ourselves, we lose part of our creative juice, we lose some of our power in trying to say like, oh, I'm going to show up with only 80% of myself and this other 20% of who I am, right, is just going to be tucked away because it's shameful because I'm not allowed, because someone's going to be upset by it, because if I do that, then, and maybe this is a great point to kind of explore a little bit deeper here and maybe this is a great time for you to also share about your own experience. 

But you know, when you're a young woman and you're growing up and you start to reach like puberty, right, and you start to develop your body, it can be quite alarming to realize how much power your physical body and your physical presence has over not just men, but just like people in general, you know, like other women reacting to you, you know, just because your body is starting to blossom in a certain way because your energy is starting to shift, you know, from childhood to maidenhood. 

This is like very scary in a lot of ways because like what do we do with this power? You know, kind of you said it well, like is it going to be this thing that I wield in the world in a negative way or in a power seeking way? 

And how can I handle that energy responsibly? And I think that's kind of what you're pointing to in terms of women starting to own that energy and work with that energy so that they can be, you know, intentional and responsible and really like successful with it. Yeah. 

B: Oh, absolutely. And I think when I think to most teenage females, I think the majority of the ones I've known and the stories I've heard, what you see is there's two ways that they ended up thinking more or less about their whole new body and their sexuality and their physical, you know, expression of they're not even trying, right? You just like your body's changing. It now is a woman and now you're getting new looks and you're getting all this. 

And it was either use it because you're being modeled by others or you see it on TV to manipulate or coerce or right, like to pull in and like get what you want from someone or it's shameful, hide it, be afraid of it. It's bad. It's wrong. And so for me, I had a very odd, I had a really like odd clash of both of these things because I grew up in a very conservative Christian home. And so of course it was shameful. It was hide it. It was be modest, cover it. I wasn't even allowed to borrow my friends clothes because maybe they could be more immodest than right. 

It was just absolutely ridiculous. And so I had that going on where it was like your body is bad and you need to save it for marriage. It's only for your husband. So there you're disconnected, right there disconnected from your body. It's not good. And it's not for you. Yeah, first of all, like, am I allowed to cuss on this podcast? 

A: Oh, for sure. Fuck yeah, that's fine. It is such fuckery. 

B: To the 10th degree, I can't even put words around how damning that is to young women. But then I had the odd experience of I remember very, very specifically walking to school. I had a two mile, two and a half mile walk to school. And I was in middle school, my body started changing. And I would have men, not teenage boys, men looking at me way longer than appropriate. 

They should be looking at a 13 year old, 12 year old girl. And I remember thinking and feeling like I want to I like feel bad, but then I'm also like, this kind of feels good, like, right. And especially when you're coming from a home where you're not getting attention, where you don't feel affirmed, you don't feel loved, you've got this dynamic of like, oh, my body is all bad. But then, oh, it gives me attention. It gives me an attention feels like love. 

Yes. There was a part of me that operated in for many years in my teenage years, into the idea of like manipulation. And the manipulation actually was really, I am going to use my body to get love, to get desire, right. 

And so of course it wasn't working, but the energy of what I thought I was experiencing was there. While also feeling shame afterward, because this is wrong and you shouldn't have sex before marriage and you shouldn't have anyone looking, you know, so it was just a constant state of back and forth. And there was never any like calmness and being with my body and loving my body and just being with my sexual nothing. It was all like very wrong, very bad. Or I need this in order to get something else. 

A: Well, you're describing perfectly that you just basically had your nervous system in a state of fight or flight about this specific area of your being. So like, you know, whenever you were involved, you know, it sounds like in doing something sexual or interacting in that way, there was this vigilant part of you that could not relax because it was like what you were doing was wrong, but it was also enticing. 

And there was that tug and pull that didn't really allow you to rest in your body, which is actually, you know, resting in our physical sexuality is where all the pleasure actually comes from. It's where we actually are able to receive and communicate and sense and feel, you know, and so I understand that you probably, you know, I really can relate like there was a lot of my growing up, you know, through sexuality that felt like I was very stunted or like limited, and that there was only so much, you know, joy or pleasure or connection that I was capable of feeling because my nervous system was doing all this other stuff, reacting to, right, the situation, my inner thoughts and processes, you know, even just physical sensations like had negative things associated with them, like feeling pleasure, you know, especially certain levels of pleasure were actually like physically uncomfortable, right? 

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B: Yeah, it is wild how our nervous system responds because even when I got married, like a good Christian girl at 21 years old, you know, and started having babies right away because that's what you do. I remember sex because I had used it manipulatively for the purpose of feeling desired and loved. And then now I had my husband, right, who was like, okay, well, he's married to me now. So he loves me. I still wanted sex. But then every time we had sex, it was just like, I don't know. 

There was this like, I don't know that I want this. I don't know how good this feels. Like, my body is exactly what you were describing. My body could not surrender. It did not know how to allow and it did not know how to receive. Right. Well, and it's not that it didn't know how to. It's that so much programming on top of it was not allowing that to me. Yeah, my source into my roots of what my inner knowing actually does. 

A: You're like being cockblocked. 

B: Absolutely. That's the perfect way to describe it. You're being cockblocked. And so, and it's wild because this this ties right back into the idea of like leadership and power. Our nature as as the feminine nature is to be empower through an energy of surrender and receptivity and allowing like that's our that's our fucking power right there. 

We are so bad asset that when we can do it. And this is why it's so tied into sexuality. You can't orgasm very easily. There's some other blocks there that tie into your leadership. You probably don't know how to receive or surrender and allow things. 

You probably have to struggle with micromanaging things right. There's always ties into the sexual part of us and the leadership part or the whatever angle it could be even mothering whatever it is that we have some type of influence over they're tied together and there's always going to be remnants of them in and out of the bedroom in out of our work life whatever that looks like. 

And so this is why I feel like it's crucial that as I kind of pulled it in the beginning it's like we get a hold of what this is and what this means to us and we learn how with ourselves you don't have to you don't have to learn this or create this with someone else. We learn how to come back home. We learn how to come back home to our sacred to the places of us that that want to be turned on not even just sexually turned on for the purpose of sex turned on to the idea of life turned on to vitality turned on to everything we get to explore and experience in our senses everything that is available for us and that's where the highest form of leadership comes in and the highest form of respect. We demand it with our essence and with our energy but we can't do it when we're fragmented and we're not really truly tied into the core of who we are. 

A: Yes so much I love what you're saying the core of who we are is like you know you said sacred area it is literally a place in our bodies that is our center you know so many people describe it in different ways like the sun star energy at the center of our bodies and the work that I do we call it the somatic center where there's all this convergent of for convergence of musculature and it's what allows our joints in our bodies to move you know to allow natural flowing walking to occur and when we are afraid and especially when we're like you know afraid sexually.

Or our sexual energy is something that we're really like fearful and ashamed of all that gets kind of shut down all that gets kind of shrunken and we don't have access to that flexible receptive moving part of us like you know on a physiological level it's like your pelvic floor this is like your abdominal muscles this is like your sacrum in your lower back right but what you're talking about on a kind of more energetic level is like how alive am I to my life and allowing myself to be in my life in a way that feels good right because pleasure ties in with this too right? 

B: Absolutely it really is because I have at this point and I still have so much further I want to go in this area but I have daily turn on and it feels like sexual turn on but it has nothing to do with sex I could be doing something and getting excited about something and I feel the same type of physical turn on in my body as I would if I was getting really aroused by someone else or by myself right so that is that's available that's kind of like it's all it's a pleasure source but it's also a directional source when life is turning so and when we're thinking about oh I'm gonna I'm gonna move and create this thing and we're doing this as a guidance system I really do believe it was created as a guidance system for us as well but when it's shut down it's clamped up and it's just cold pressed underneath everything it can't it can't do anything for us 

A: yeah well maybe this would be a great segue into sharing a little bit more about like the specifics of your journey because you kind of talked about growing up in this conservative environment 21 you're married popping out babies doing the good girl thing right how did this kind of shift into what you're doing now how did how did that come about I mean you mentioned being an ex pastor leaving the ministry what did that look like what did it like to break free because a lot of people may be listening and they're pent up but they're like how do I go from here to a to more of a space and your story might provide some insights 

B: yeah absolutely I think that if from anyone from the outside perspective looking in on my life they would have thought I had a good life and it wasn't bad it wasn't abusive it wasn't hateful and also there was always parts of me that I that I just learned to suppress and then when you get married right you know very young I mean you're basically barely out of high school not even out of college when you're you know getting married having babies never recommend this then I learned to just be in this identity of I'm a wife I'm a mother and then my husband got out of the navy and went into the ministry and so I have always had natural leadership skills and so for me it was easy.

And I grew up in the church also with a pastor as a dad at times so like it was easy for me to just on ramp and on board on to like I'm gonna help out in ministry as well fast forward several years later I got on board and I'm actually a pastor and preaching and I loved that it was great there was some on ramp there that really took me to a place of like oh I'm a natural speaker I like to speak this is something I could see myself doing the rest of my life so that was that was a positive that came out of it for sure I think what really ended up happening is when you fragment parts of yourself and you suppress parts of yourself parts of yourself that are very much a huge part of your identity they are going to roar at some point the longer you suppress them the louder they get.

And the craziest part is they can manifest in different ways sometimes if you refuse by all means refuse to let them out they'll just roar in forms of physical disease right dis ease you will you will have all sorts of physical problems because you are fragmenting and not allowing you're not in congruency you're not in integrity with who you are so what happened to me is I started over the course of several years asking harder questions being going back to my younger years and it was like why? 

And so I started asking questions which were very difficult for me because if anybody loved Jesus and if anybody was a good Christian it was me even though I was still very much myself and I was assertive and I still had angles of my personality that were shown I was in it I was wrapped in it was the core of my identity it's who I knew myself to be in my world to be and it was the lens I saw everything through and so when I started asking why and I gave myself that permission to keep asking why things started unraveling and when you once when you see things that you can't unsee you're forced to come to a fork in the road and decide if you're going to live a lie the rest of your life or if you're going to risk it all walk away from everything you've known in order to rediscover who you are in order to reclaim a life that you don't even know exists in order to redefine how everything gets to go and that is one of the scariest things to this day I've ever done in my life wow.

And when you're jumping off a ship and you're jumping into the ocean there's no lifeboat I wasn't I wasn't switching from Christianity to Muslim or Hinduism or something else that felt like a safety net that felt like security because religion very much does feel like a security blanket for people and I respect that I was jumping into the ocean where I felt like I was drowning and for every day I thought I was going to go to hell for at least a year straight because hell was very real to me.

It wasn't something made up at that point in my life it was something that had been programmed into me for 30 some years right and so it felt like ripping layers of my flesh off myself it was excruciating and yet when I got to the other side I realized how much I had believed in a religion that presented as love but the reality is that its fear-based beliefs masked in love to try to control yeah and yeah that was really there was a hard place to land but it felt it felt very much like truth to me and so a big part of it in the beginning had nothing to do with my sexuality at all I just knew I couldn't continue to believe these things that were so unsupportive to the core of who I really was they actually were not supportive versus the way I'd viewed them for so long.

They actually were not freeing me I did not feel emancipated and when I got to the end of it I started realizing how easily the shame started falling off I didn't even know I was dealing with shame I didn't even know I was a person who struggled with a lot of fear until I unsubscribed to all these beliefs and I was like oh shit yeah I've viewed myself in the way I've viewed parenting I have three kids like everything just started shifting so easily because I'm like oh I don't believe that anymore so that doesn't matter anymore I don't have to have an agenda with my children I can let them have their own journey I can support them as they walk their life like there were so many things that just felt like yes this this is the way it's supposed to be.

And I thought at the end of that kind of space I thought like that was it I was undeconstructing like it felt like I landed someplace and then that was not the end everything my sexuality was what hit next because prior to being married I was wildly sexual and I said at times mostly for like the coercion and like oh just getting desired but also I really did love feeling and being sexual and then I was also not I was queer I knew that but then getting and had operated that way but then getting into a monogamous marriage it was like you know you're not queer anymore not in the church so getting out of it I was like oh my goodness and so my husband at the time had deconstructed slowly behind me as 

A: well oh I was gonna ask that I was gonna ask because I could imagine it'd be a pretty big shift like to go through alone and he must have been going through it with you if you've survived the transition 

B: yeah well he it was definitely way behind me and slower and it was a lot harder for him because it was like he was afraid for me that he had his own journey but once I kind of landed on his side I started talking about like the idea of like okay now that being queer isn't shameful and wrong like I want to dive into this and so we started talking about you know doing things with other people and kind of and so that whole side of our relationship got opened up and it was like oh my god I love this so much and I realized I'm wired for non monogamy and that is like a whole another podcast I think because I think some people are and some people aren't and there's nothing wrong with either side it's just knowing you knowing you and then being very honest and communicative with any person you're going to have as a partner 

A: right totally yeah I had a friend recently who said that she thinks that you know being polyamorous or being non monogamous is like a sexual identity like you're saying kind of hardwired into your nervous system that that's actually how you function in a natural way and then some people aren't like that that she was describing it as a sexual identity which I thought was interesting 

B: I do think she's correct you know when you look at nature you see it so I feel like it's nature is like so authentic right it's not trying to do or be anything it's just like here we are so yes something to be said about that so yeah deconstructing that walking away from all of the shame that was attached to it really started this whole like identity shift of who am I and can I embrace this part of me because at this time I had already started my coaching business I had already transitioned into speaking non-faith based right speaking for different business leaders and and so then now I'm dealing with I'm wildly sexual. 

I love talking about sex when it comes to friend groups right one of the ways I vet my friends sounds funny when I vet people and it's not even like I'm doing it intentionally I just realized this is something I do very quickly I'm talking about sex I'm talking about something sexual right and if it bothers them it's okay there's nothing wrong with them or like that's not a problem it's just that I know right away then that's not going to be a person who I'm spending regular time with because I need to be able to express that way so it's kind of funny how that goes so all of my friends all the people around me who do respect me they know the work I do and then they know I'm highly sexual there is like this level of respect.

And like oh my gosh and you do all these things and you're so inspiring you're so amazing and you're so sexual and it was never a problem but yet when I would show up for like online stuff and work stuff creating programs for my clients it's like more buttoned up you know like the liberated woman and like there were things that were not so buttoned up but it still was not leaning into this like sexual expression because I was still battling with this idea because it was less about religion programming and more about cultural uh programming that says if you're wildly sexual like you're not going to be respected as a leader if you're out there like talking about sexuality how are you going to get speaking gigs like who's going to hire you for that like they're not going to view you that way there will not be the same level of respect and so that was the thing that's way more recent that I've just been like oh I think it's time to blow this whole shit up yeah so that's kind of a very fast track journey where I came from to where I am now 

A: that's yeah wow I mean this uh the shift and just the level of like self-acceptance that I'm hearing from you about like really taking the time to you know acknowledge these parts of yourself that were always there but were hidden right and how when they started coming to light like there was a process like I think you're that you know saying that you felt like every day for a year like you were going to hell like that's a really heavy place to be and I think it's so important to acknowledge that like shadow side of this of this coming out kind of process of this revealing of ourselves to ourselves process is that it's not always you know a simple thing it's often rife with all kinds of you know questioning and doubt and then where you've arrived now.

I mean it can be seen in just the way you're expressing yourself that there's a lot that you have accepted about your nature and who you are that is no longer up for you know negotiation within yourself it's just like this is it this is how who I am and I think it's beautiful that your husband was able to follow with you on that journey I think that's very inspiring for our listeners to hear too because you know if someone is out there listening and they've struggled with aspects of their sexuality but they have a partner and they're not sure you know if their partner is going to accept them or if their partner is going to understand you know it can be very inspiring to see.

An example where that did work out you know because even if you know with with the current partner it doesn't work out they have people worry about it for a future partner it's like oh but there is a way that these things can be sorted through it's not impossible to you know find alignment right and so I love that aspect of your story too and you know I want to know I want to know what some of these questions were if we can just go back a little bit like what were some of the questions that had you kind of questioning the whole paradigm 

B: oh yeah with Christianity yeah absolutely yeah so well the first one which started very very early on but I just kind of put it in a little box was homosexuality being considered a sin that was always the first one because I just thought it's very odd to me that it's in the bible with and I was part of event an evangelical church so every denomination is very different than we they view the bible etc but I want to put that out there because the way we view the bible and evangelical was like it's the invaluable word of god you know blah blah blah so it says in you know in the bible like it says basically like homosexuality it puts it right beside murder like all of these things that are very harmful to someone else.

And I thought homosexuality what is the harm it's two people of the same gender who love each other and who okay so then what's the problem so I just got a deconstructing that and I'm like okay so it's the way they have sex and then I'm like okay so let's just take male you know two men together you're telling me that a heterosexual couple doesn't have anal sex that's not true okay so then it's two women together okay well then like again the oral sex part I'm just like what that's happened I don't this doesn't make sense like it did not it was so impractical that it would be considered so wrong and so when you find a hole and you're told and taught and and conditioned to believe everything is invaluable word of god like it all is perfect and you find a hole that's like this is wrong this doesn't make sense.

That really leads to you start being like okay you're either gonna have to do one of the things you're gonna shove it in a box which I did for many years and just decide like you don't know how to process that and it's going to wreck the security and certainty you have over what you need to believe in order to feel safe or you're going to start giving yourself permission to kind of dabble in it which is scary as fuck and then let it lead you to other questions so some of the other ones that are really potent which this is why people would say oh aren't you still a Christian because I do believe in a higher power I'm still spiritual I'm like no I don't here it is the original sin doctrine you're born a sinner this is what good god this is what Christianity is founded on.

You are born a sinner which is why you need saving and I thought that is that doesn't make sense we are like children are do they do things that you have to teach them yes but that they don't have the brain capacity it's right like there's like things that haven't developed in their brain but as far as being bad they're not born bad you don't look at them and think you are bad by nature I have to make you good that's not that's not the way it works and the other thing that I really sat with for a long time in regards to that was when do we feel most like the best the best in life we feel the best when we are operating in love we feel the best when we're operating in joy and peace Why? Because it's us. Because it's our home. It's our natural state. It's who we really are. Hardwired at a deep level. 

Our soul is literally just composed of unconditional love and bliss. There's nothing bad in it. That's why it's natural. Why does it feel exhausting? Stress our bodies out. Cause us physical issues when we're angry and like, that's not even, cause anger is not bad, but like when we're feeling evil or in revenge mode or like doing harm, right? 

It may feel good for a moment if someone harmed us, but we all know the reality is after we're done, we actually don't feel any better. Why? Because it's not our natural state. 

A: Right. It's an elevated state. It's fight or flight. It's the fight part and we're not meant to live in fight. That's, that's a drain on our adrenals and all of that. Yeah. 

B: Yeah. Which shows you it's not us. So there was that when I started, I started realizing that I'm like, that is not true and that is literally what it's all founded on. And so that was like, okay, I don't believe that. Hell. Hell was a huge one for me. And again, that one took a long time, but the idea that if you don't accept Jesus as your savior, you're going to go to hell. If, and it just was like, why? If this is an unconditional loving God, and then if you don't accept him, they're going, that doesn't, that doesn't add up. 

If they're unconditional love, then they're going to send you to this place of torment, the rest of eternity and also the lake of fire. And you know what's interesting, I told you that afterward, I had like all of this like release of shame. Yes. The one thing that I really struggled with when it came to shame and judgment toward myself, though afterward was how fucking long I believed this shit. 

A: Yeah. Because of how much it literally restricted my life and drove the things that I did and defined my parenting and defined who I was and how limited it kept me. And it was like, it's like what I said, when you see something you can't unsee, it was so frustrating for me to be like, why didn't I see it before? It's so obvious to me now. It's so obvious. And then I have to go back to like this deep compassion because the reality is, is that I trauma bonded with Christianity at a young age. 

A: Oh yeah. And you didn't have a choice. You were born into it, it sounds like too. 

B: I was born into it. I did walk away from it actually for a few years in my teenage years, those are my wild out years where I'm just drugging and fucking. So, but when I came back to it, it was right after a two year relationship with a man who was narcissistic and abusive and horrendous to me. And I felt like a nobody and I felt like a nothing and I had no sense of self-esteem. And of course I didn't, I wasn't raised in it too to believe anything of myself. 

So, my escape was, I'm just going to go back to somewhere where I feel like I'll be loved, which was the church. And so I trauma bonded back to that shit in a deep, deep, powerful way. It made me feel more seen than I ever had by any man or by any person in my life. It made me feel more loved and acceptance than I ever had. Yeah, 

A: that security blanket that you mentioned earlier, it really was. And in that sense, it's like what a blessing at that moment for you, at that moment, how good that was for you. And then at the same time, that was not your final destination by any sense of the imagination. 

You know, these tools, these things come in, you know, and I talk about this a lot with my clients, like we may see it as like, oh, you know, I look at all those years that I was like binge eating or I was using drugs or whatever it was. Well, you know what, at that moment, maybe that gallon of ice cream saved your life. You know, maybe it prevented further, you know, detriment in some way, right? Maybe it was a blessing that you had that tool at that moment, even though it feels now like it was a weapon, right? So I think that, you know, your grief that is, you know, is really there about how long you believed these things that were limiting you. It's, it comes from this place of having, having seen the other side, right? That's where like the depth of that grief comes from is from knowing what it's like to live without that. 

I think you said it really beautifully at the beginning of this conversation, where you didn't even know how much shame you were, shame you were burdened with until your body started letting it go. And that's very true in the, you know, the somatic work that I do. We don't even know how tense and tight we are until our body starts to relax. And now we're, and then, then we usually, what happens, it sounds like this happened to you too. The, the tension or the shame becomes uncomfortable now that we feel that it's there. 

And now we're motivated to keep unwinding and releasing it, right? So I'd love to tie this back into this idea. I'm going to call it like a fully embodied leadership, which is going to also encompass like that sexuality realm, that like physical identity realm of who am I as a physical body, you know, in relation to other physical bodies. How do you think that, you know, this new paradigm of new kind of leadership could look for women, right? We'll just use women as the example here, because we're both women talking about this, right? What would it look like for a woman to challenge some of these notions, right, that we're brought up with? How would she do that? What would she, how would she show up in a space to, to make that shift? 

B: Yeah, I think it's always going to start with the individual level of really taking time to get present with herself, present with her own body, really in tune to her own sensations, her own turn on, because until that is really happening, it's harder to come into a space and kind of infiltrate and like influence the space around her when it's so hard individually. And so even, even with women, when it comes to sexuality in bed sex, it's like, I say start with yourself, right? 

Start with just you. You may have a partner, but start the safety, start the surrender, start the sensation, start the turn on, start it with you, getting to know you and being okay with the places of you that don't feel safe yet, that are uncomfortable yet. And recognizing that your turn on doesn't have to just come from, you know, the idea of like, ooh, there's gonna be some type of sexual driven nature here. It's like, no, it can just come from things that turn you on in life. I often think it's so helpful to like purge first and really get radically honest with yourself about how you have attached shame to any of your sexuality or to sexuality in general or to women, other women who are sexual, right? 

Where is the tie-in for you? And can you be radically honest about that first and just get that all out on paper or through your voice or whatever? Because really, you want to kind of pull that stuff and upheaval it first before you can actually build on the new. Otherwise, you're just trying to build on something that's right. 

It's not really going to work well. So for me, that's, I have that happen on a regular basis because it's layers, right? It's layers that happen, but it's like, ooh, how am I making myself wrong in this way? How am I shutting this part of me down? 

Why do I not want to use my voice here and speak my truth? Even with speaking our authentic expression, there is a, there is like a sexual piece of that. And I had a post recently I put that says visibility is inherently sexual, which got a lot of fun vibes to it. 

And of course, a few people who were like, fuck you, bitch. The reality is visibility, wanting to make your mark, be a leader, be seen. Being seen is inherently sexual. It's an exposure. It's a deep level of vulnerability and intimacy. 

Yes. And the reality is that the most impact you can have in this world in any way, shape or form is to be deeply in tune with your authentic self, to expose more and more parts of you to the world, just as you are. And you can't do that if you're shut off from your sexual nature, because that's literally the crux of all of it. That's like the core of all of it. And that's where all of it, the like the strongest power source will come through. Yes. Yes. I answered your question, actually. 

A: And then some, and then some, but you know, it's all, it's all really like wonderful, profound stuff. Because I think that, you know, the unshaming part, like you said, it's in layers. And it's something that is a practice. 

We have to keep practicing with it. I'd like to go back to like the visibility thing, you know, and, you know, I just want to say from my perspective, a lot of, sometimes when I'm listening to people, like I'm listening to you and like your story and like, you know, sometimes other people, I sometimes feel like some sort of like strange alien, because just as an aside, I'll say, like, I grew up with a mom who's like Christian, but she's like an esoteric form of Christianity, a Rosicrucian who believes in like the multiverse and like layered realities. 

But she also accepts Jesus as her personal savior, and she's also a Buddhist. So like, I grew up into kind of a more new age Christianity. And when I went was growing up in like a liberal arts college town, we went to a universalist church where there was like a gay minister. And so for me, I didn't grow up with any of these boxes. I knew they existed. 

Because like when I was a teenager, like I had some friends who took me to their churches and you know, they would tell me Harry Potter was evil and like all of these things, it was wrong. But I was just kind of like, oh, you guys, you guys don't really know where it's at. You guys don't really know how this actually works. So sometimes when I'm hearing these like stories of just being so like in this box from the start, like, I get it, but I don't get it in terms of my life in terms of what I was exposed to. 

Right. Like there was already just a lot of openness in the way that I was raised that like, you know, someone else like you didn't have the privilege of experiencing, right. And so similar things come with like, you know, early on when I started my business, I had, you know, really kind of feminine embodied forward thinking business coaches who were like, Hey, seduction is part of the sales game. Like how somebody needs to like like and trust you and yeah, be attracted to your energy. 

And that that energy is not separate from your physical body. That's why we adorn ourselves. You dress nicely, you look good when you're standing up in front of people, inviting them to work with you, inviting them to come to your event, inviting them to do this deep personal work. Like that to me is part of it. And so I love what you're saying. And it makes sense to me. And I'm curious, like, what do you think the naysayers, what's going on in the naysayer that they are arguing with you on this? 

B: Yeah, I mean, at the core of it all, it's fear. This is why I don't even really, I'm not strongly triggered by the people who comment on my stuff and come against it, even when it's women. Honestly, it just makes me sad for them. Right, because I have been there. I used to be the one who probably would 

A: have judged and thought, Oh, yeah, he just wants attention. Right. So the beauty is that I do have both sides. And so I hold a lot of compassion for people in the place of like, I don't see how that can coexist. 

And that's just used for manipulation. And that's just bad that there's there are reasons, valid reasons in their nervous system to why they feel that way and to why it's triggering and to why they cannot bring those two things into coherence, right? They cannot bring them together. 

It cannot coexist for them, because it comes up against everything they believe that makes them feel safe. It's all of those things. So I think that a lot of it just is is is fear. And a lot of it is like the threatening of their own sexual expression that probably is muted and probably feels mostly dead, honestly. 

B: Yeah, very common. It's actually more common than I wish it was, especially with women. But it makes sense that it's more common because again, religiously speaking, of course, but then culturally speaking, our powerhouse, like, there's something in men and I don't say this to dog men at all. There's something in men that know this, right, that like, know the power women hold, not just in our ability to give them sex. 

I'm talking about just creation, our intuition, our intuition is in our bodies, right? It's like, I feel that's also connected sexually to us. So it's just like, so so much power and they have to it's like, nope. And so knowing like, oh, if we can just make that part of it bad, that part of it, just keep them dumbed down and in a box. You know, then we can hold the power. Also on a side note, I have to say this because this is so fucking exciting. And because this is a woman hosted podcast, I don't know how much you've seen of this, but a bunch of studies have shown in the next 10 years, two thirds of the wealth will be held all by women in this world, two thirds of the wealth. 

Everything is shifting. And when women hold the wealth in this world, the amount of good things that are going to come we give a shit about purpose. We give a shit about making a difference. Like we're so tied to this. And again, this is tied is all connects because the reality is even as lovers, let's take it back to sexuality, even as love when women are in their bodies, when women are with themselves and not having nervous system responses, we are naturally good lovers. We are naturally sensual. We are naturally nurturing, we are naturally caring, we are naturally in tune with the body of the other person. So my point is like, it's all tied together the way we're wired and you can't disconnect the sexuality from it. 

And the ones were the naysayers, the men, they have their reasons, but the women who are doing it, it's the same type of reason just for a different flip side of the coin, but it's all based in fear. Yeah. 

A: Yeah. Yeah. And I think the other piece that you mentioned here that was really profound is that they have just this narrow window of what's safe, right? Of what's allowed. 

And so when you're coming in with something that kind of invites them to open that wider, they're like, no, I don't, that's not a, that's not a place that I open myself wider to. And so therefore you're wrong, right? And, you know, it's super exciting to kind of think about this, you know, big shift in our globe, you know, in our consciousness, right? That's coming from feminine rising, right? This change in this shift culturally, as well as economically, apparently, I love that you brought that up. 

And because women, you know, their brains are wired for more communal, communal processes to consider groups and communities. And, you know, I mean, I just love the possibility that, you know, there will be a shift when it comes to, like, the experience of single mothers in this country, you know, because if more and more single mothers are supported, that's, that's a huge, huge portion of the future of like human beings that are going to, you know, be better off because their mothers are better off. 

I think there was another kind of some research that said like the correlate the happiness of a child correlates to the happiness of the mother, and how much of the time when you're being raised by someone, and this is true of fathers and other kinds of caregivers too, but that your nervous system is balancing to their nervous system. So if we can have more support both economically and communally for mothers and for women, like it's going to equate to a healthier society, you know, 15, 20, 30, 50 years from now, absolutely. You know, so it's a huge, what you're speaking to is like a huge shift in the way that things have been operating. 

And it's, it's very exciting. And I think, you know, in terms of what you practice, right, in your personal world, right, this kind of, it sounds like you have a practice of checking in with these spaces where, you know, you've been feeling maybe like some shame arising or some, you know, being shut down and that that's a process for you. What are the some of the practices or the things that you do that help you in that practice of kind of coming home to yourself? 

B: I do emotional alchemy sessions. So that involves music and getting clear on kind of what is the emotion that I want to move through my body. And I don't allow my head to get in the space and tell me how to move. I just slowly let my body move because again, emotions are just stuck energy. 

So oftentimes, and these sessions are typically 40 minutes to an hour long, and I try to do them once a week at least. And it's whatever is coming up, you know, whatever the strongest emotion, like, okay, this maybe it's chaos is like so much chaos going on. It's like, okay, I need to move chaos through my body. So a few songs, I'll just allow the chaos to move through my body, and then I'll move into like an archetype, which would be like authenticity could be the next one, right? And it's coming like what is authenticity feel like in my body to be connected to the archetype or the emotion and the sensation of authenticity. And so just even moving energy through my body in that way, it sounds so simple. And it is revolutionary to my like my energy levels, like the way I feel just physically energetic levels. But then emotionally, I will sometimes feel like nothing happened. 

I will feel like I just had like a dance session and it's so tribal and wild actually, because again, if you're not thinking about it, because I like to dance, I do salsa, but chat to different Latin dance. But when you're doing emotional alchemy, it's like, your body is moving it, right? So you just have to let your body move. And so it could just feel like you just had a wild dance session. 

Sometimes there's just like, there's crying, there's emotions that come out, it can be anything. But that ritual alone is so profound for me. And it's something that I do regularly. The other thing is kind of I said earlier, a lot of times purging, like whether it's vocally, I like to verbally purge, but also writing things out. And then from that place, okay, now that this is all out, what do I want to create? How do I want to create? 

A: And is that like saying the things that you're holding in saying the letting yourself say the thing that you're thinking that you, you know, don't want to be just having that run through your brain anymore. So you like let yourself just say it out loud? 

B: Yeah, it's but it's being really honest about my reality. So I don't bypass my reality. I don't act like, Oh, well, I don't really like this, but I'm just gonna, you know, just hope for the best. Like, no, I'm like, no, this fucking sucks actually. I'm not happy about this. 

And I wish this would change. And if I like, I just get really honest. One of the things with manifestation practices is a lot of times there was so much focus on like, okay, like, yeah, that that sucks. But like, let's focus on, you know, positive, right. 

And it was like, but I'm, but this is what my bank account says, or this is what is going on in this relationship right now. Or you know what I mean? Like, I'm just supposed to like, see it and then push it aside and try to focus on this. 

It doesn't make sense to me. So I sit with my reality. And I flush it out like this is all this is it. 

This is the reality right now. And I get real honest. And if I need to have a rage fest where I'm just angry about it, I let myself do that. I stopped making myself wrong. I just stopped making myself wrong. And when you stop judging your feels, the feels actually get to express themselves and move out. 

A: True. Very true. Yeah. Sometimes for me, it's like, I carry there's a lot of grief and sadness that shows up. And it comes with like, this kind of defeated energy. And what I found is that like, that energy, I used to be really afraid of just like, letting myself sit in that and just like, lay in bed, like, it's the middle of the day, what are you doing laying in bed, there must be something wrong. And it's like, yeah, there is something wrong, I feel like shit, and I need to lay in bed. And when I started just giving myself that, it was like, it was so rejuvenating actually, you know, because it's when we fight ourselves on it that we don't let our bodies actually go into that depressed downstate. And so we're kind of like hovering there and trying to pull ourselves out the whole time. 

And so we never actually get the full rest. You know what I mean? But it can be a really hard place to go consciously if you're not used to it. But you know, this emotional alchemy sounds very much like a somatic kind of dance practice. Do you do this with groups? Or do you just do this by yourself? 

B: Both. I do it with groups and by myself. It's something that I'm implementing in my group coaching, and something that I actually do in another coaching program and something that I do by myself. 

Honestly, I do it once a week, but I prefer to do it more than once a week just because of how profound it is. It's just wild how much our body knows our body is just so so much, it's just has so much wisdom in it. And so and it has the ability to, to really like alchemize things in such beautiful, easy ways. 

We make it so complicated. So I love that. Yeah, I love it. To your point, it was like, I did that too. It's like so much shame of sitting still. That's a whole other topic, right? So much shame of not being productive. 

And yet what we resist persists. So I would try to nap, I would try to rest, I would try to be meditate. And it's like, okay, I, you know, I got to get shit done. I'm an entrepreneur. Like I gotta do the thing. Yeah. And yet you're resisting the rest. And it's like, okay, that the angst, it's not going to go anywhere. 

A: Right, right. And when you let yourself go into it, and I think we can actually tie this back into sexuality here, because have you ever, and we can speak to the other women on this podcast, your guy or whoever, right, maybe somebody else wants to give you some pleasure, says, hey, lay back and let me give you, and there's a constant, constant anxiety that I'm supposed to be doing something. Oh, what if this is a chore for them? Oh, I should be giving back. And we're all caught up in this idea that we're not being productive, that that cock blocks or whatever gets in the way of receiving that pleasure and actually getting to that place of expansion and release. 

Right. So it's the same kind of way when we're not letting, Oh, there's a down dip in my energy. And I'm getting in touch with all my doubt and self-consciousness and, you know, sadness and grief. And there's this downshift. Like, can I let myself rest in that so that there will be a natural rhythm that pulls me back up, just like that natural flow of like, okay, I'm just going to lay back and let the, let the feelings come, let the sensations arise. Right. 

B: Absolutely. I think it can happen even with self-pleasuring. Like, you go in, you're just like, yeah, I'm super aroused. I want to take care of myself. And then you're just like, I'm in my head now. Oh my God, this is taking forever. And you're like berating yourself for taking breath. It's just like, there's, it's very outcome driven, instead of very sensory driven. 

Yeah. And a couple of things that helped me with that is getting very specific on the details of pleasure I'm trying to feel like being very present with like my leg, my leg feeling the sensation of my hand. You know what I mean? Just like, what am I feeling right now? And noticing almost like you would with the soft blanket, right? Just like, okay, can I be in touch with that sensation? But with a partner, one of the things that I've realized has helped so much, there are certain things a partner can say that help drastically. And one of the words is, relax. 

Another phrase is take your time. These types of things, one, they pull you back to the present moment because they're speaking to you. But also for women, because our our entire turn on and then all the way to peak is so much longer than a man's. 

There are times I wish I was a man and could just, you know, take it out like that's that's not the way we're wired though. And we are meant to experience it even longer. And so having someone say that and it's like a whole release of my body like, oh, I'm present with the person again. 

And oh, it's safe. I don't have to be in my head about how long this is taking. I don't have to be thinking like, oh, God, like, oh, I should be somewhere else. No, it's a reminder just to be present and enjoy. This is it. Like there's I don't need to be anywhere, but here, right? 

A: That's wonderful. Yeah, that could be like a grounding word, like coming up with these kind of grounding words that draw us back into our present moment experience. 

B: Absolutely. Absolutely. Wonderful. 

A: Yes. And okay, so let's tie this kind of back in with leadership and this this idea that we started with of how can these things coexist in a person, right? If someone out there is listening to this and they're going, okay, but what if I, you know, do it wrong? What if I'm doing it right? 

What if there's a way that this looks for for Becca or a way that this looks for Amy? How do I find my way through this, right? So that I don't feel like I'm doing it wrong. What would you say to someone who's going through that? 

B: Yeah, and it is everybody's own unique journey. So there isn't a one size fits all because I am my sexual expression is is pretty loud, right? It's pretty out there. Like people people see it, you go to my page, you can see it. 

I have only fans now. Like that was part of my like expression of like, I want to do this for like the creative. This just feels good. Not everyone is going to feel aligned with that for themselves. And that's not because they haven't gotten to my level of sexual expression. It's because it's not aligned for them, right? Everybody it's different. 

It's different shades of what it looks like. So I think it's just becoming very, very attuned to your own integrity within yourself. Am I doing this because I feel like I have to or because I want to? 

Am I not doing this because I'm afraid? Or because it actually just doesn't feel like alignment for me. That also just takes some deeper time getting to know yourself on a deeper level with your intuition, right? 

Asking yourself hard questions that only you can answer because the reality is no coach at the end of the day, we can be the best coaches on the planet and no coach can tell you what's true for you. That's the reality of it. You have to send them back home to themselves. 

So the best practices they can do is start getting alignment with local gang. This this feels right to me. I am actually still a little afraid, but it feels like a yes to me in my body, right? Or this feels like a no to me. But I think it's actually just because I'm scared because I kind of want to do it. 

But like, I don't know. And dabbling with things, I always say baby steps, like it's the most cliche thing ever. But the reality is baby steps. I didn't decide to move into my sexual expression and start an only fans immediately, right? That was like that came several years after I started moving into like more sexual expression on myself. And that was that was a huge jump. That was actually a big pivot for me that and then rebranding myself as like pussy based confidence where it was like, no, this is where we're going. 

Like we are literally going to be tying sexuality and leadership and power and pleasure all together. Those two things were the biggest like I want to puke. I am scared to do this. And yet I knew when I thought about this is what helped me when I thought only about my people, the people who would be like, fuck yeah, Becca. Oh my god, Becca. I love this Becca. When I thought about those people saying yes to it and getting excited about it. I was like, yep, this is it. 

A: Yeah, you got to do it for them. You have to. And it was always like whenever I was thinking about the fear of all the disrespect or I mean, I lost hundreds of followers in one fall swoop when I announced only fans, boom, gone. 

But then like within a week or two, I had just as many bad guys. So ridiculous. The reality is that it's a journey. You've never arrived. 

And so you get this beautiful privilege of learning how to be true to yourself and you keep taking baby steps towards it and the freedom and the like exhilaration that comes from that. There's no price you can put on it. There's no price I can put on it and people can I can have haters and trolls all day long. It doesn't matter. The way I feel now compared to the way I felt when I compartmentalize myself, fragmented myself and stuck myself inside a fucking box. This is night and day. 

And I would never go back to it. Not for millions of dollars, not for anything you could offer me because this, this is living. Yeah, yeah. And that's the that's the energy that when other women come in contact with it, and it's for them, they'll feel that emitting from your body, they'll feel that even just I feel it. I feel it in just talking to you right now. 

Right. And I love what you said before, like getting through those hurdles, those spaces inside of you that say yes, but then are afraid. And then you realize at the end of the day, this isn't about just me and my journey. 

That's where it started. But this is actually much bigger than me. And that's getting into that purpose and mission. Right. I love that. 

And, you know, everybody having their unique expression and exploring what that is is a process of trial and error. Try this on. Oh, that didn't feel right. I'm going to try this now. You know what, even though that didn't feel right, I think I've worked through enough stuff. 

I'm going to try it again. Right. Like having that sense of curiosity and openness. 

Right. So just this has been such an amazing conversation. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. And can you tell people where they can find you and learn more about like what you're up to and maybe follow your journey, continue to follow your journey. 

B: Absolutely. So I have Instagram and Facebook are both my name, Becca Slider. Very simple. I have a podcast called The Courage to Fully Live. And so I interview mostly guests on there. 

But a lot of times it ends up coming back to a lot of fragments and pieces of my story talking about the whole journey. But absolutely, if you want to contact me, best way to do that is in my DMs on social. 

A: Right on. Yeah. Okay. Do you have any last words for our audience, you know, kind of tying in some of these themes or one last idea that you'd like to share with us? 

B: Yeah, I think the thing that stands out to me is kind of piggybacking off what you just ended by saying the reality is your life is a legacy. And so it has to come down to what is the legacy you want to leave. And when you really think about that, you get very clear in the picture of the types of people that you want to impact. And the rest of it has to go to the wayside because you're not here for everyone. 

You're here for some. But the some are going to be magnetized to the truth of who you are. And you don't become more magnetic by doing all these fucking things. 

You become more magnetic by pulling off the layers of everything you're not. So keep that at the forefront of your mind all the time, this idea of legacy, who do I want to be? What are the experiences I want to have? What's the impact I want to make? And how do I start filtering everything I'm thinking and doing and operating and believing into that aspect of my life into that sphere, into that narrative? Excellent. 

A: Yes, the word legacy is perfect here. I also think of lineage, because we tend to think of lineage as being something hereditary, perhaps, or maybe something more formal. But it really, there is a lineage of women throughout time and history who are stepping into the same kind of energy that you're here speaking to us about today. And that these other women who are listening to this are going to hear that. And they're part of that energy line through time and space, part of that lineage. Right? 

B: I love that. That's beautiful. Yeah, absolutely. And it's exciting. Like it's exciting when you really think about the day and age we get the privilege of living in. 

A: Yeah, I'm getting turned on just thinking about it. 

B: It's like, yes. That's amazing. 

A: Oh, absolutely. Well, thank you so much for this conversation. I look forward to hearing more about your journey as I continue to follow your journey. And if anyone is curious, find her information in the show notes. And we'll talk again soon. 

B: Yeah, thanks, Aimee. 

Outro: Hey there, friends. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I would love to hear your thoughts. Follow me on Instagram at AimeeTakaya and send me a DM about this episode. I'd like to thank you for being part of this Somatic Revolution. And if you'd like to support the podcast and help more people learn about somatics, consider leaving a review or a rating. And finally, if you'd like to have the experience of relief in your tight hips or back and learn to understand what your body is really saying to you, visit youcanfreeyorsoma.com. I can't wait to share with you what is truly possible. Bye for now.