Have you ever felt disconnected from your own body, as if you're living life through a foggy lens or on autopilot? Our guest today, Celeste Gamboa, knows that feeling all too well.
After years of strict diets and intense workouts, she discovered somatics - a practice that transformed her relationship with her body and mind. Today, she shares her journey from living in her head to truly inhabiting her body.
From anxiety-ridden beginnings to profound physical and emotional revelations, Celeste's story will make you rethink everything you thought you knew about your body's wisdom and the power of embodied awareness.
In this eye-opening episode, Celeste takes us through:
- Her first experience with somatics and its calming effect.
- Contrast between her previous fitness-focused lifestyle and new bodily awareness.
- Being "dissociated" from the body and living primarily in the head.
- How somatics helped Celeste recognize ignored physical needs.
- The overwhelming nature of newfound bodily awareness.
- Changes in her relationship with food and exercise.
- Emotional aspects of somatic work and seeking additional support.
- Importance of community in the somatic journey.
- How somatics complements other healing modalities.
- Her advice for those considering somatics.
And so much more!
Celeste is a Caregiver and a Relentless Growth Seeker who has been honing her natural abilities to hold space for the experience of others through her attentive and empathic nature. She recently completed Radiance, Aimee Takaya’s 6-month somatic education program, and is experiencing new levels of emotional and body awareness. She loves to share meaningful experiences with her fellow growth seekers and contribute to the community through her service to those in need.
Connect with Celeste on:
IG: @moncebere
or FB: Moncebere Cyan
Follow Aimee Takaya on:
IG : @aimeetakaya
Facebook : Aimee Takaya
Learn more about Aimee Takaya, Hanna Somatic Education, and The Radiance Program at www.freeyoursoma.com
LISTEN WHILE READING!
A: Hello, everyone; welcome to Free Your Soma, Stories of Somatic Awakening, and How to Live from the Inside Out. I'm Aimee Takaya, and to get today, I have Celeste Gamboa with me.
She's been working with me for the last year or so, and today she's going to share about her experience coming into her body after many years, perhaps a lifetime, right, of being numbed out and living in her head, so to speak, right? We're going to talk about the power of somatics and particularly Hannah's somatics.
It is powerful for changing the way we experience ourselves and the world, and we're going to explore that through Celeste's story today, through her direct experience with this work and what's been opening and shifting for her in her body, but also in her internal world since starting all of this. So welcome, Celeste, I'm so excited for you to share with our listeners today about what you've been experiencing.
A: Every day, there is a forgetting, and every moment there is the possibility of remembering. Remembering who you truly are, awakening to your body, to the inner world, to the experience of being alive. Here is where you find the beauty, the joy, and here is where you free your soma. I'm your host Aimee Takaya. I'm here to help you move from pain to power, from tension to expansion, and ultimately from fear to love.
C: I'm so excited to be here, Aimee. Thank you for having me.
A: Yeah, so we met each other through one of your friends who has been working with me also, and the first time we met was at a day retreat at her house where you came, but you had actually already experienced a little bit of this work through your friend. Can you describe maybe your first time trying some of these somatic movements and what you experienced?
C: At the time it was so interesting. I was having a lot of anxious moments and maybe tiny panic attacks if you can call them that. And my friend was like, you know, I think you would benefit from just trying this video. And I said, sure, you know, I'll try whatever, you know, because we have always done everything together that is a healing modality. And so I trust her.
She sent me the video. And I think it was probably like a 10 minute, you know, leg segment. I don't remember which one it was particularly but and I felt so much calmness and just, I just felt calm. And I was like, wow, this is pretty good. This is awesome. Where can I have more of that? So that was my first taste, really.
A: Yeah, yeah, it does, it does have that immediate effect, especially if you're in kind of a heightened nervous system state, which obviously you were, and then doing something to really tone things down on a neuromuscular level can have a very, very immediately calming effect.
And then, you know, you came to the day retreat and you got an even deeper dose of it. And, you know, maybe before we go into that, do you want to kind of orient our listeners to like what your journey has been like, you know, leading up to that point, you know, like who you've been and how you've experienced the world before
C: Sure, I, it's such an interesting journey, not so, you know, different than most, just kind of like doing everything that feels right that that doesn't feel right. That's not the correct work.
Everything that you should do, right, just, this is what you should be doing. And huge into the health industry myself as, like I work out a lot, I do everything that it's supposed to do to be a healthy person and, you know, also did a lot of like healing outside of the fitness world. I went into ayahuasca. I did a lot of mushroom ceremonies. We have a huge community that I work with that are my soul family, but I had never tried anything like this, you know, which is very different.
A: Right, and, you know, kind of coming into this works, you know, you use some of these terms like being dissociated from your body being numbed out living in your head.
And even though some of the things that you've described, you know, and I mean I can kind of relate to this as well because as a yoga teacher for many years like some of the things you describe like being really physical in your body, you know, or even going into a psychedelic experience where, you know, certain sensations and certain ways of perceiving your body get like dramatically heightened. There's still like this disconnect that you were experiencing, right?
C: Right. Yeah, absolutely. Like, it was really interesting is that I was doing all of this, and I had no awareness of how my body was reacting to anything. You know, I would have all these moments where I would just sit there and write about what was happening even during my ayahuasca ceremonies like what actually happened but and it was all mental, right?
It was all that's where I lived in my head and everything that I did even workouts were all mental like this is what you should do. So you have to work out this and then you have to do that and you have to eat that much and then, you know, nothing was like how do you feel and how does how is your body actually changing and not only did I have the desire to do these things because I had a goal to me, but nothing ever actually brought me back to myself and how it made me feel.
Yeah. And if it was actually good for me, I mean, if someone would told me, I mean, I was I was an intermittent faster for like nine years, but if someone would tell me that's not good for you, or this is good for you, I would do it. I would try it. I mean, I did raw diets. I did like, vegetarian, vegetarian, everything that you could possibly need to be quote unquote a healthy person.
But never did I ask myself, how do you feel eating this way? You know, was it low? Yeah, low carb for many years.
And even when I was starting to feel that it wasn't good for me, I would continue to do it, because that's what they had said I had to do and I had to push through it.
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A: Yeah, it's kind of creating these fixed rules or fixed settings for how to operate or how to do things to achieve a specific kind of outcome. But kind of the irony that you're speaking to here is that what is the outcome if the outcome is to be like a happy, like healthy person shouldn't that also include like your feelings and like how you feel about your life or how you feel about yourself, you know, and feeling feeling is not the same thing as like thinking.
And I think that a lot of us, especially in the healing world, we can easily get caught up in trying to think our way out of whatever position that we're in, you know, whatever challenge that we're facing. If I just like get more knowledge or just like apply this practice that it will get better and maybe it does but the thing that we're kind of missing here is how do we feel and how are we doing the things that we're doing like the how is just as important as the what right.
C: What right exactly. And sometimes there's why I've come to learn with this is that there's so much intelligence for ourselves individually. This is an individual journey. So when you tune into your body, there is this intelligence that is happening. If you learn how to tune into it, but if you're doing all this should, you're actually really derailing from where you should be. So that's where I have come to love this practice for me as an individual person. I have really enjoyed coming into my body, even when it's really hard. So very grateful for that.
A: Yes. Yeah. And, you know, going back to what you were saying about being in your mind, right, and then operating in all these different modalities that in many ways are kind of trying to get you to have more body awareness like fitness, you know, food and dieting and then you know, even like these more heightened peak experiences like an ayahuasca journey, all of that is a very potentially a very embodied experience.
But whatever your internal nervous system configuration was going into that, like, had its limits, you know, and I can think about this in terms of for me, you know, I started with yoga, but I came into it with the nervous system and the patterns in my body that had already been established from my early part of my life. And so it's kind of like, I was wired the way that I was wired at that point.
And so I was only able to work with, like, what was available to me in terms of what was already like built into my system. And so the somatic work and you know, this is something that can be very overwhelming for people and we'll get into that because I know you've definitely I mean, I had very overwhelming experiences with it early on, but you know, you as well, like, when you start building these new pathways in your body in your nervous system to actually get more of that feedback, real time from what you're experiencing, like you said, you're doing these things.
But the way that you're perceiving it is, is limited to kind of your mental constructs, right, versus feeling and sensing and noticing how your body is reacting to these stimulus stimulus of your environment, right, to these people or the substance or this food or this activity, because you don't have the wiring to receive that feedback, right.
So then you start building it in the somatic work and that can be a lot to start receiving feedback from your body about what's been going on. You know, like, Absolutely. Yeah, so I mean you had that first experience that felt very relaxing. And, you know, then as you went deeper in, you know, there was continued relaxation but what else happened what happened alongside the relaxation.
C: Oh, my gosh, it was think one of the first things that I realized. And I remember telling you and probably one of our first one on one meetings was like, I feel like I'm just a torso. So, I don't, I don't feel my legs. I had no awareness of my legs and if you want to be a metaphorically or metaphorical about that is like, I was just living in my head, basically.
And so I didn't, I had no awareness of the rest of my body and how it's that, or like I always knew that I had really bad posture, but it's just like, Oh, it's a part of me. I, you know, I would like fling my, my shoulders back and be like, I just, it is what it is.
I just have to accept it. But it was so alarming. Most of the time, when I started the program, how much everything, like the first, the way I was perceiving my body was a lot. And I remember when I first could feel my legs, I was like, Oh my God, they're like so stiff. Also, even realizing that I was a chest breather. I was like, I don't even breathe into my belly. It's like I'm always like holding everything in my chest.
It's like, and that's when I started understanding that I was always nervous about everything. It's like when someone holds their breath, right? Like even during a workout, like holding your breath because you're just getting ready for that really heavy curl, like, there it is, it's coming.
And then I was like, I'm walking around like this all the time, like, and there's like heightened awareness, like heightened like fear. And like coming into my body was very overwhelming. Even in a lot of our practices, when we were having our zoom meeting, I was like, my body will be keen to tingle and I could feel the fabric and how it felt in my skin. And I was like, Oh, denim feels weird. And I don't like how denim feels today.
And I actually don't like this really tight yoga pan on me right now, because it feels really compressing like something that before I had no idea how it felt. It was just so in my face. I don't even know how else to express it. And also the awareness of how I was doing things. I mean, I remember when we were having our chats about food. I had a moment in our calls and I started crying. And I said, I, I've been so mean to me. Like, I would do things just because I was told that it was right for me.
But in some instances, it wasn't right anymore. Because I had such a tough regimen and working out so much. And I wasn't having any salt. And I was like, I went into this dehydration state and I wouldn't know. I'm like, my body is like, it's weird, like I'm having these weird reactions now. And then I was just like, Oh, you know, whatever, keep pushing through and not actually listen to what's happening.
I mean, I had rosacea for almost two years. And I do the help that through many other other resources, I've been able to understand that the reason I got that was because I was not listening to myself. I was extremely intermittent fasting and it was not good for me anymore. And I was putting my body through so much stress.
Yeah. And I was like, but I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the right thing. This is what I have to be doing. This is healthy. And it's helping me in so many other ways. And it's not helping me right now.
Right. How is this an individual experience? And that's how this has been so helpful for me, because everyone tells you the latest trends like, Oh, you should be like dipping yourself in ice buckets and like, you need to be doing this and that. But like you said, like, is your nervous system capable of having these things done to you. And for most of us, they're not. And so like coming into this practice, I've learned what I can and cannot do.
And it's very beautiful to be in touch with that. And say like, that's not for me right now. Yeah. Maybe later. Not right now. You know, I love that. Yeah. Yeah.
A: Well, because that speaks to some flexibility that you didn't really have in your way of operating before when everything was just how it was. And this is what you do and what you should do. Right. And what you just said, you know, this is not for me right now has a lot more flexibility in it while still maintaining structure and, you know, a boundary. Right.
And also some discernments and personal discernment that isn't just fully embracing what everybody else is doing, but is checking in with what's true for you and leaving it open that there could be like another time in your life where, you know, this does feel attractive. This does make sense. This does feel good, you know.
And that we should to be free to be actually free as human beings, like we need to we need to experience that flexibility in our way of operating, you know, you know, food for me the place I come from in it which is a big part of, you know, the conversation and radiance is like, you know, how am I restricting myself?
How am I saying, you know, slapping myself on the wrist and saying you can't have that and making these really definitive rules versus, you know, learning with an open mind, you know, how things work and then making informed choices with the whole breadth of what, you know, food and eating and, you know, all of that like offers a person it's not just about what's healthy for us it's about like what feels right in the moment.
You know, and sometimes the thing that feels right in the moment isn't going to be like, you know, the ideal portion and the ideal, you know, nutrients on the plate, it might be something entirely different, you know, and just like that flexibility that openness to experiment and know that it's not the end of the world if you eat something that like doesn't feel that great for you or doesn't feel that resonant, you know, that we can have that kind of openness. You know, I remember that moment you're describing I remember you saying that you had been afraid to nourish yourself. Yeah.
C: Yes. And that conversation was so I opening to me as to how I was structuring myself is very authoritarian. And there was no flexibility. You know, like, I wasn't the person that could would even think about having a cupcake.
Like, not at all. And I was always doing everything the right way. And then I would binge, like there would be a day where I couldn't stop eating chocolate. And then I'd be like, Oh my God, I'm so bad. I'm so bad.
And then I would punish myself and not have it for like the rest of the year. And so that conversation was like, so I opening and so beautiful. And I think that's why I cried because I was like, Oh my God, I'm such a tyrant. Like, this is insane. Like, what am I doing to myself? Like, this is not a way to live.
And it's very limiting. And you, I felt like I was almost caging myself. And now I have so much awareness of it's okay, like if I want to have this today, it's okay, I'm going to have it. And I'm also going to have healthy things. And I'm going to enjoy it.
And I'm going to just be good to me because that's what life is about. Like, it's not a size. It's not, you know, it's just about enjoying all the beautiful things. There, there is even food. Right. And yeah, I was so up for that. So let me tell you that after that conversation, I always have a piece of chocolate every single day.
A: That's great. That way you don't have to binge because you know that you get to have that you're not taking it away and you know having to be in this cycle of punishing yourself. You can just like let yourself enjoy what you enjoy.
You know, and, and have all those, you know, what I love is like, okay, so we get really firm, we get really hard with ourselves and you know from my experience it came from having experiences in my body, you know, or waking up to experiences in my body, that I felt like I couldn't trust myself to make good decisions.
And you know, maybe you or other people listening can relate to that we have something that goes on in us whether it's like, you know, an addictive behavior that we had, you know, early on that, honestly, for me with food and my my addictive behaviors around food as a child and an adolescent, it was me trying to cope with situations and circumstances that were really beyond me that I, you know, were traumatic for me to try to cope with.
And so my way of coping was to like eat and eat to feel good and eat things that made me feel good, which was a lot of processed food and a lot of sugar and all that right. And then at some point I woke up to, oh wow, like my health, you know, is literally declining like my body is not well, you know, and then of course, the thing you know like our vanity comes in and I don't think that's a bad thing.
I think it's very human for us to go like oh, I don't like how I look; I don't like how the world's looking at me, you know, when you know I had weight issues and health issues as like a small, you know, adolescent child. And, you know, you come to this realization well maybe I can't trust what I want so I have to deny myself and say no you can't have any of those things. You, you know, are isolated to like this category of how you can feel good.
You know, and a lot of people, like a lot of young women, it might be like over-exercising. It was for me, it was like hot yoga. That was like the little pathway I gave myself to this is how you're allowed to feel good. You're not allowed to feel good by eating sandwiches. You know and for me it was like no gluten no dairy no soy right.
This is the avenue you're allowed to feel good was like exercise, and like per period of time, it was like sex. Right, those were the things I was allowed to have, you know, yeah, made me really obsessive, you know, with food and really out of control with the things that I was allowed to have like exercise, you know, I'm myself this natural way of self soothing through like eating things and nourishing myself, right. Right.
C: And I love that you were even just trying to soothe yourself because I wasn't trying to soothe anything. I mean, my journey is very vast in that in that because, like I said, I over indulge most of my youth. And when I came into my fitness journey. I lost 115 pounds, and I'm like, how am I going to keep this and I kept it off being very authoritarian. Right.
A: Well, yeah, that's that's that again kind of this idea that you weren't trustworthy so that you had to apply all these rules to make sure that you didn't gain the weight back because you didn't trust that you had the self discipline otherwise. Right.
C: Yeah, definitely did not trust myself. Yeah, at all.
A: Yeah, and I mean, I think that, you know, the way that the somatic movements work is very like a slow gradual building of trust with our bodies again, by like tapping into and accessing like that feedback, you know.
And then continuing to attend to it in small ways even over the course of like a movement session or when you're practicing on your own, that you do a movement and then you pause to kind of feel that feedback whatever it is whether it's like a physical sensation or an emotional sensation or a combination of the two.
Could you kind of describe for our listeners like when you go through your somatic movements, what do what what comes up for you what do you experience in this practice.
C: I just want to say to that. I love that you're saying feedback because, for me, it wasn't feedback because I had never heard this voice. This was a new voice that was coming in and it felt like discomfort. Like everything that I was feeling was so alien. But I'm like, what is this?
Like, why is it that I feel I can feel how bloated I feel? I can feel how like itchy this water is like, I'm so uncomfortable, and I'm like, oh, you know, I felt very annoyed with myself because I'm like, what are all these little tiny noises that are happening within me? So but now, having more months work with this, I can say that it's feedback. Right. Oh, yeah.
Because there's, yeah. Now I'm like, oh, okay, I just I need to do this now, or I need to do that. But because I was so disassociated, I was like so annoyed by it. Right. I'm like, oh my God, now I have to stop and change my shoes because I can't stand them. Yeah.
A: Yeah. That's super important what you're saying because like I have the word feedback now but I didn't always have this word. But I've gathered this word just actually through understanding the nervous system and the physical body of like what we're working with when we're doing something that you're able to you're doing something at your job and some boss or authority or maybe another coworker comes up to you and they give you feedback about how you're doing on the job or about how something is to be done.
And the truth is it's just feedback. It's just information like, oh, you know, we don't do it that way. We do it this way. Oh, like, you know, now depending on how like you are at that moment like where your nervous system is at. Right. And what your experience is with people communicating things to you. Right.
Sometimes feedback feels really scary, confrontational, and like disturbing when you're not used to receiving it and when you don't have experience in communication with people that feels safe. Right. And in like your body like your body's like communication to you was not something that you were even used to receiving. And so it was confrontational.
It was like scary, right? Just the same way that if you're not used to having those kind of conversations with an employer or a co worker, it can feel like you're being punished. Yes.
C: Actually, just feedback. Yeah. It's so simple now I'm like, oh, I'm not. I'm not comfortable. Let me just change this or, you know, let me just help myself now, because I would be uncomfortable always, just because I didn't know how to be comfortable. Right.
A: Yeah. So then the irritation had to come in to motivate you to find what's comfortable. That's like kind of the function of the frustration and the irritation and the discomfort is to actually motivate you to do something to actually make yourself more comfortable.
Because if you know, the feedback wasn't strong, you might not be moved to adjust or change, you know, what you're doing or, you know, change your social situation or change your relationship, you know, because we only do that kind of stuff when we're kind of uncomfortable, right. Right.
C: Right. Yeah, it's been such a beautiful journey now actually calling that feedback, but in the beginning, it was very hard. But when I am practicing semantics, I know you asked that. And sometimes it's very comfortable. Sometimes I'm really at ease as it's happening. But sometimes if I am in a very heightened state, and I didn't realize that before, and I wasn't giving myself my needs. The semantics brought that the needs of my body right in my face.
Like I remember one time we had a beautiful, aesthetic dance event with you. And the whole time, I was super anxious as I'm practicing, super anxious, super uncomfortable. I'm like, what is happening? Why can I just relax and I felt so like, oh, I even remember sharing like it was very uncomfortable the whole time I was like practicing.
And I didn't I understand now why I had been rushing the whole day. I hadn't had anything to eat. I had worked out for two hours. And then I come in, and I'm like, my body is relaxed. So now it's telling me you're not. But we're talking to you through anxiety because you're just only had coffee, and you're sitting here trying to relax. You're not going to relax because we need food. Right.
And now I know how to listen to that. But during that time I was like, why aren't you being a calm, nice person to me? You know, like why aren't you like my brain is saying that like, why aren't you just relaxing this is a really nice event. And they're like, we can't we can't relax you haven't get nourished us. You know, like what's wrong with you.
So last day like, be nice to us. And I'm like, yeah, that that was so it that just to say like that's what happens to me a lot like. Like there has been like a connection between my body and my somatic practice each time talks to me more and more. I'm so open to listening to my body, and I'm very, very sensitive.
So sometimes I will feel really relaxed because it's just it's giving me a relaxing journey that day. And then sometimes I'll be like, Oh, I actually have pain here after somatics, but it's okay. I'm going to do more later and just kind of like settle that in. So it's not even alarming anymore. It's just every single time, I feel like there's a calmness in me that I will figure it out.
A: And yeah, that not having our basic needs met and then the way that it sounds like there can be this delay, which I know we've talked about before, like this delay between like something that's happening or not happening, a need that's either met or not met at a moment in time. But then there's this delay before you, you know, Celeste consciously figures out what happened or what was going on, you know, but in this interim, there's just kind of like confusion.
Like we've talked about that, I think, you know, with your interpersonal relationships and stuff too, right? Like there can be this like delay of like something happens, and it takes you a while to process it and for that feedback or for that information to actually become part of your conscious awareness.
C: Yes, the delay is big with me, fortunately. But it's okay. Like it's really nice to even know now, oh, yeah, that bothered me, or that bothers me because your body is so smart, and it just listened. So I mean, I've been shutting it off for a very long time.
I mean, intermittent fasting for like 18 to 22 hours a day sometimes, you learn how to turn off your body and it'll respond. And somatic is really just bringing you back to it. And, you know, all these like neural pathways are rebuilding. And that's what's happening right now with me and my journey. It's like a journey back to self.
I always like to. I remember there was this one time after our sessions, you asked me, how do you feel? You know, it's my turn to share. And I'm like, I feel like I'm being put that together. It's like, all my limbs are coming into like the center of me. And in general, that's how this practice feels to me. It's very nice to know that you can be in yourself. It's safe to be here. You know, it's okay.
We're coming together slowly, but surely. And every practice is that way for me. And maybe at the moment, I don't, it doesn't connect, it doesn't like click. But for me, everything, the way that I am, that this journey has been for me is very like emotional. It's helped a lot with emotional triggers and how my body has kept it all. Even to the way that I stand, you know, all that was just me trying to feel safe, like that really hunched over look is like, I was protecting my heart, basically.
So yeah, that it's beautiful. And yeah, every single time is a different experience. And it all depends on how where I'm at that day. But so just to say, if anybody experiences something weird or off, like, it's okay, like, sit with it. And, you know, don't give up. It's just maybe something that you need to attend to. And talk about it, ask questions. It's important to know that it's it's safe to ask questions. And because I didn't, a lot of the time, I was very confused.
And I didn't and I wish I would have had more of a voice to ask these questions. But that's another thing that I had been working a lot in is like, it's okay to take up a little bit of space. And if you're confused about something, or, you know, something feels really off, Amy's really good about, you know, addressing your need when you need it. So definitely something to keep in mind for everyone's practice. Yeah.
A: Yeah, I think that, you know, that not knowing how to express what you need or not even knowing what you need, I can relate to that because there have been big points in my life where I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted, because I only knew what I wanted when I was like, so massively in the deficit of it, that I was like, angry and upset for not getting it.
It was like only only when I was like in in full deprivation mode was like, wait a minute, I need love and attention from this person in my life. I haven't been getting that, but I wouldn't have like identified like the little micro need for that along the way and, like, let the person know that I needed their full attention, you know, like a partner or like a friend or something, you know.
I wouldn't even be aware that like, that was something that I wasn't getting, you know, from them or that I wasn't feeling like I was getting from them, right, to like let them know or ask for that, you know, kind of like I'm thinking of, you know, when I was a kid, like, you know, and my son does this too, he doesn't think to ask for food. I will have to notice. Oh, wow, he's really getting super crabby and upset right now. And then it's like, oh, he hasn't eaten in like four hours, that's probably it. You know what I mean?
But like, he's not thinking to ask for that. There's, there's something developmentally that must occur when we have these interruptions to our nervous system, aka like trauma, you know, in our early childhood, where we get cut off from that identification of our needs and then the ability to voice it, right? And so there's like a relearning that goes on in this somatic work.
C: Absolutely. There's, yeah, you also get in touch with the things that you do, because that's how you were taught, right? And that's that's about it's been also a huge journey for me. And it's so grateful to know better now and being like, no, I actually don't like to eat that.
I'm not going to eat that today. And yeah, like a lot and I also will see myself real time begin to get upset or irritated, because I have not met a need. And before I would not even know why I was mad or what had happened. And now I'm like, Oh, no, even in some of my friendships, like, I remember in the beginning months, I had a huge reaction to a way that a friend reacted to me.
And I've never had that happened. And I was like, what is wrong with me? I could not even stay in the room. I left I was so upset.
My friend was so shocked. And was like, Oh my gosh, can we talk? And I'm like, I don't want to talk right now. And I was like, what is wrong with me? And it was just like, Oh, I'm beginning to understand when I'm don't like something.
I'm, I felt disrespected. And before, you know, I wouldn't it still takes me time to understand sometimes when I'm something's not right. But now it's a little bit quicker. Yeah. And yeah, it's a journey.
But very grateful for that. So sometimes that comes up or, or how you're like, Hmm, I don't think this relationship really serves me. So I think even during the program, I stopped dating someone because I was like, um, this is not working out for me anymore.
So that happened to me, not sure that it will happen with everybody. But I was like, Oh, this isn't serving me. So I did feel a lot of changes within me all around, which I'm grateful for.
A: Yeah, I think that it is, you know, somatics absolutely does impact our relationships with other people because it's shifting our relationship that we have to ourselves. And, you know, people who've been in the program over the last year or two have ended relationships or had relationships end, but I've also had people start new relationships that are different than other relationships they've ever been in before.
I've also had people report that their relationship with their, you know, partner becomes healthier and more balanced than it has been, you know, classically. So there's all kinds of shifts and changes that happen interpersonally with this work.
And, you know, some of them can be more challenging than others. You know, something we kind of talked about before we started recording that I would love to, you know, have you share on is just the way that, you know, first of all, somatics and specifically Hannah somatics, it isn't like this other thing.
Like we take something like, say, Ayahuasca or like mushrooms, it's like an other thing that we take in that changes our system for a period of time, right? What somatics is, is it's actually just working with a part of our brain and accessing a part of our brain to release our muscle memory that we just haven't been accessing in this way.
We haven't been using it. And so when you start using it, there's all these, you know, shifts and changes in perception and in awareness, right? But it's still this thing that's very innate and natural to us. And so as you're engaging with somatics and doing Hannah somatics, right, it's not going to be the only thing that you need.
There may be other things, other practices, other ways of supporting yourself, you know, other, yeah, other other other things that are going to be helpful along this journey. So I know that that was something that you ran into in terms of like, okay, now you're experiencing being in your body and experiencing your emotions in your body, which was like not something you were used to.
And so there was this period during the program where like you really needed other ways to outlet some of that emotional energy. Can you talk a little bit about that experience for you?
C: Yes, it was all this like awareness was super overwhelming for me. And I didn't know how to help myself, because it's just, it's like, kind of like when you're a kid, and you need some type of help, and you're like, want someone to talk to and process all the things that were coming from me from a trauma standpoint.
And I had to get therapy, I had to get a start talk therapy, because for the first time in my life, and I was like, I need to talk to someone about this, because there's a lot happening right now that I do not know how to process. And, like, these anger outbursts and like, feeling so emotional all the time, right? Like, what's happening to me? Like, am I depressed?
You know, like, what's happening? And so I had to start talk therapy, which was really good to work with alongside Hannah Sematics. And I also work with a body code practitioner to help me with, and it with stuff energetically.
And it's been such a journey and a beautiful journey to work with those three together. Because I feel like, wow, like, the growth that I've had, it's like, the movements are not just movements, like, I understand how powerful Hannah Sematics are. Because of all of these things. Because I'm, even my therapist is like, Oh, my gosh, like, you're, you're just like processing all of this, like, with so much ease and grace, because I get the sense of self from the Hannah Somatics.
Like, I'm in my body. And I know who I am. And I embrace it. But I also want to be better. I want to be better. And I want to learn. And, you know, when you know better, you do better. And that's just my journey. I want to healing is not linear.
And healing is a whole life's journey. But if I can be better today, why not? You know, like, I don't want to get stuck in these moments of, like, self-pity, self-like, harm, if I know that I can get that through it quicker. And Hannah Somatics is what helps me because has helped me because I know that there is like this, there's the strength with me.
And there is a guiding force with me, you know, a higher power that it has brought me to these modalities to be just to feel whole and complete, where at whatever stage that I'm in, it's like, okay, you know, like, I have a lot of emotional issues, that's okay, we're going to work through them. And, you know, in my spiritual practice, it's like, well, you're learning.
And that's okay. So it's been really beautiful to have all these three together. And the emotion code body codes, it just helps me move through things energetically quicker and connect them. Yeah. So yeah, it's been great.
A: It's been beautiful. I love it too, because, you know, people are at different places on their journey when they arrive at Hannah Somatics. And, you know, for you, and I think for most people, it ends up becoming this foundational kind of glue that really allows them to get a lot out of these other modalities, you know, so like if someone's listening and they're, I mean, I've worked with energy workers and, you know, Reiki masters and people who have a really solid foundation in energy work and in working with their energy.
But they're still having neck pain, back pain, shoulder pain, they're still having these physical symptoms that like the energy work only seems to like touch it so far. It only seems to address it so far, you know, and so they end up feeling like, okay, I understand that my body is energy, and I understand that I'm moving blocked energy, but why do I still have this block?
You know, why do I still have this limitation? And so they discover something like Hannah Sematics and it like makes things move on a physical level in a way they didn't even know was possible, you know.
And then likewise, like you came into it without having those years in talk therapy, I mean, like I've worked with therapists and people who've been in talk therapy for years, and they also reached that point where like they reach a wall where like I'm only getting so much out of this, I'm talking in circles and I'm not really getting that breakthrough, you know, that I know that I need and it's not like landing in my body this breakthrough, you know.
So you kind of came in almost like some of the people that I work with come in the opposite way, but you came in like totally new to all of this kind of like embodiment work in a way. And so it was overwhelming.
And then you kind of had to go back and go, okay, what are these other pieces that maybe, you know, your friend who referred you had already done some of those things or like someone else that you know, may have already done some of those things, but that was new to you, and you needed that like tool, you needed that like guidance, you know, in order for this foundation of being embodied through anesthmatics to actually like move what it needed to move, right?
C: Right. And not everyone is where I was at. So maybe other people do get a lot of like their body code energy sessions. But I even tell my practitioner like, Leticia, like I understand what we're doing now.
And she just laughs. And but I know where it's coming from now, because they're like, you said, there is this like, groundedness to me, because I'm not like flighty in my head all the time. It's like, there's, there's this like, beautiful connection between mind, body, heart, soul that I didn't have before.
And how does the Maddox has solidified all that for me? Yeah. And it's so I just feel like everyone should experience what it is to be in your body, because a lot of us are not and we don't even know that we're not. And yeah, so grateful for this tool for that.
A: And it's also it's such a big deal to which I think we've already kind of like talked about a bit, but like, this stuff really works. And it's working in a very substantial way with your brain, with your nervous system. And so, like, in a sense, it's like, everybody should know that this exists, they should know that their body is capable of this. But also, I really try to like honor and acknowledge where someone's at if they're not ready for this work. If they try it, they figure out how it feels for them.
And they get like a hard no from their nervous system at that moment, you know, or just feel not attracted to it. Like, there's wisdom in that too. You know, not everybody's ready for unraveling the whole life history of like their, you know, nervous system and muscular conditioning, you know, and even if the end result is something that like they know they want, like wholeness, you know, and feeling that beautiful connection you're describing, it's timing is important.
And there may be layers of processing that they need to do before they arrive, you know, if they're ever going to arrive at this place where that's like what they're actually ready for is releasing muscle memory from a lifetime of whatever it is that they've been through.
C: It's very true. And I agree with you 100%. Because I know that some of us who don't want to open that kind of warms. And because it's a lot to process, if it is going to be emotional for that person like it was for me.
And it does take a wanting and willing heart to begin that journey. So definitely understand if that's something that it's not for you at the time. But if it comes back into your field, then you're like, huh, I want to try it now.
Yeah, just know that it's that you do have support, and you can use tools, the other tools to help you as you're navigating all the things that are coming up with panosomatics, because it is it's very beautiful and very, very powerful.
And yeah, just also want to like urge people like if they have that, oh, that inkling that they're more into the yes, like I was more into the yes than I was into the no, because I knew that this was going to be a really different journey for me. Do it, take that step, do it. It's worth it. Even it's such a huge financial investment, but for yourself.
And every bit is worth it. Because I remember having a conversation with you, and I was like, well, you know, Amy, I'm an, you know, entrepreneur, and I don't know if I could make this happen. And I make it happen.
You just make it happen when it's your time. Right. And it might not be for everyone, like you said, but if you are more inclined to, this is your kind of like little nudge. Do it. It's wonderful.
A: Yeah, even though it's wild, even though it's wild. Well, and the good thing is that, you know, in part to your friend, you know, your friend who referred you, who's just been one of my biggest number one clients, it's like, we're developing through, you know, the rounds of radiance and the people who I'm connecting with, we're coming to these events, we're learning about this modality, like we're building a culture around it, we're building a community.
And so, you know, over the last two years, there's not just support from me, or from my dad, or from, you know, other, panosomatic educators or other practitioners, you can have support on a peer level with other people who are also going along this path with you.
I don't think that we should just relegate support to authorities, like, you know what I mean, like a teacher or a coach, we should be able to do that for each other. And that's a sign, I think, of being in a healthy state in your system and in your body when you can take on that sense of responsibility to, you know.
Be there for other people who are also alongside you, you know, be there for them and at the same time, like, not take responsibility for what they're experiencing, but take responsibility for yourself, you know, and have that kind of beautiful symbiosis and, you know, that connection with someone without like thinking that you need to like do something, you know, or overdo something, I guess, to help them or assist them, but let them be in their process alongside you in your process, right?
C: Yes, yes, because this is a lot of talk that someone that's not doing it won't understand, because they're going to be like, oh, this is a little weird, because it is, it is a lot of things that are kind of like strange that are beginning to happen. And it's nice to know that there's someone else that you can talk to about it, you know, like, hey, like, I'm here for you, I'm here to support you through your journey.
And yeah, I would really like to open that door for anyone who wants to reach out to me and say, like, hey, I need to talk about this, I'm here, here to listen to you and, and just kind of like, just be a friend through your somatic journey.
A: Yeah, I love that. I love, I love to see the way that you guys are supporting each other and, you know, building this community with me. It's, it's really magical to watch because, you know, early in my journey, I really didn't have that. And so there was a lot of flailing and a lot of fumbling and a lot of, you know, self-induced misery that I was going through in my first few years with this.
You know, we kind of chatted about that a little bit, but like, I didn't have people to talk to about it. I would try to talk to people about what I was going through, the somatic releasing that was happening in my like psycho-emotional physical body.
And, you know, most of the time, people just thought I was like this really weird, deep chick or something. You know, they didn't really, they couldn't relate, you know, to what I was saying. And, you know, because like you said, it's, it's a very strange thing to start having this kind of awareness of yourself. Yeah.
C: Yeah. Even if, if that's the way like we had talked earlier, everyone's going to experience the journey differently. A lot of us, like we'll hear more body talking versus, like, you know, the emotions. But, you know, I also did experience a lot of, like different body discomforts and things like that.
So yeah, we're all going to experience different things. And it's really nice to have a community in general. And it's nice to know that it's not just something that you are selling.
But people want to like, yeah, let's, let's, let's like have like these build friendships, right? Like, it's nice. It's nice to have that. So I really appreciate the growing community. Yeah.
A: Well, thank you for being part of it. Yeah. Thank you so much, Amy. I'm so grateful for you always. And so excited to continue this journey with you and to continue meeting new people. Yeah.
A: Well, and I just want to say, you know, your willingness and your bravery. And I think in part some of this is just, you know, you have always, you know, since I've known you and maybe you can speak to, you know, the sensitivity that you kind of mentioned earlier, you're very connected on a spiritual plane to whatever you want to call it.
Your guides, you know, a higher power, the, you know, the universe and the way that, like, you're being guided, you know, even in the less embodied ways that you did that before, you know, through exercise and through diet and through, you know, losing all of that weight, like those were still like being you're being divinely guided in that journey, you know.
Even as it was in some ways kind of shadowy and dark with a lot of, you know, self-harming behaviors and things like that, you know, like that didn't look like it may be from the outside, like over-exercising can totally be a self-harming behavior in a minute fasting can be a self-harming behavior that we don't realize because our culture, you know, doesn't recognize it that way, right?
Right. But, like even in those ways that you were operating, there was still this like divine kind of guidance that was in you. And I think what's been so remarkable about watching your process is that even as you're facing these really uncomfortable things in your somatic experience, all this like waking up to the discomfort that maybe was going on like this whole time that you never were paying attention to, right? It's like your willingness and your bravery and that guiding force that holds you, you know, and you say that a lot. You say I feel help, right?
C: Yeah, it's just so amazing to see your courage, your courage to face all that uncomfortable stuff because you know that you're held, you know that, you know, beyond what you might think or feel at this moment, like you're loved. And that comes across in your body presence as a person; people can feel that just by walking into your energy field.
They can feel that you carry that love with you. And so I just I appreciate you so much. I'm so grateful you came and shared about your journey on this podcast and and that you're part of this world with us. Oh, I'm right there with you, Amy. Thank you so much. I appreciate your words and it means a lot to me. Yeah, everything. Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure to be here.
A: Absolutely, yes. And, you know, if anybody is on their somatic journey, maybe they've, you know, I've had a number of clients recently who've done, you know, some kind of Hannah somatics or somatic release, there's a few different names for things that are coming out, or maybe they're like downloaded an app, and they've been doing like these little somatic exercises, you know, that they found on an app somewhere.
And then they come across like this. There's some big differences, you know, between doing it like that and doing it in like a container with like a really skilled person. And so, you know, if you have been jabbling, and then you're curious about going deeper, but you know, listening to Celeste's story, maybe you have questions, or maybe you're unsure, like, you know, if, if working with me or working with this modality is like really the right thing, you know, Celeste has been gracious enough to she's going to have her Instagram handle in the show notes.
And she's open to just asking questions if you want to reach out, you know, if you're not quite ready to have that conversation with me, you might be ready to have a conversation with her and just, you know, tell her what you learned about yourself by listening to her story. Absolutely.
C: Always happy to help another fellow out and be there through their journey. Wonderful.
A: Well, thank you so much, Celeste, for this conversation. I'll see you next month when we're going to do some more fun somatic community stuff together when I'll be in California. Celeste is going to be joining us for the Flow Your Soma somatics and water release retreat, the mini one that's happening in Hesperia.
So yeah, if anybody's curious about that, I can put that in the show notes too. It's the next in-person kind of event that's coming up. And I'm really excited to share water release therapy with you, too, Celeste, because I think you're going to super dig it.
C: Oh, I'm so excited for that one. You have no idea. Let's go.
A: Wonderful. Do you have any last remarks for our listeners? Anything you'd like to say before we end our conversation today?
C: Just know that you're not alone. We're all trying to get to the same destination, and these are just different tools. So don't be afraid to try something new.
A: Love it. Yeah, agreed. Thank you again, and I'll see you soon.
C: See you soon, Aimee.
A: Hey there, friends. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I would love to hear your thoughts. Follow me on Instagram at AimeeTakaya, and send me a DM about this episode. I'd like to thank you for being part of this somatic revolution. And if you'd like to support the podcast and help more people learn about somatics, consider leaving a review or a rating. And finally, if you'd like to have the experience of relief in your tight hips or back and learn to understand what your body is really saying to you, visit YouCanFreeYourSoma.com. I can't wait to share with you what is truly possible. Bye for now.
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